How i became an atheist

[Nicky]

I'm 16 and i come from an extremely Christian family. All my life i have gone to church every week and have been taught that God will answer my prayers. Although my Dad was not brought up as a Christian, he converted when he met my mother. Her father ran a Biblical college, and my uncle is a vicar. I always hated going to church and tried different ways to get out of it when i was younger- not because i didn't believe, but because it was boring! i couldn't understand why the people in church were swaying with closed eyes and raised arms- 'feeling the holy spirit'. Why didn't i feel like them? I thought that it must just be because i am young and i will understand and feel the same way when i am older. I didn't pray often but when i did i felt nothing. When i went to school, i met people who were openly atheist - and what they said had a point. When i went home i announced that i was i didn't believe in God. But it didn't really mean anything- i was merely regurgitating what my friend had said- and deep down i was still scared of 'the eternal hell fire'. I put it out of mine and said to my parents that i did really believe in God, and put out of mind any reasoning from my friends. i even got scared of going to R.S. lessons in case someone came up with a plausible argument against the existence of God and i agreed with it. For a couple of years i went on like this, until i couldn't face it any more, i had to accept that i was doubting Christianity. Yet still i was so scared that i would go to hell that i had what i can only describe as a nervous breakdown, i felt depressed, and terrified to the point i would go rigid and shake with fear. I kept having these episodes, until they gradually went after about 8 months altogether. I pushed my fears to the back of my mind and went on as i had done for a couple of more years. Then, one day my atheist friend was talking about her views, and for some reason, i wasn't afraid to listen, i began to understand what she was saying and could relate to it far more than i could relate to Christianity. What she was saying made sense, but this time instead of just taking on her views i formed my own opinions- the idea of God seemed so ridiculous to me that i didn't think of hell with fear anymore. I admit that at first i felt quite scared to label myself an atheist- if people would ask i would call myself agnostic. But now, i feel confident enough in my views to say that i am an atheist. And i must say i am surprised with how it feels, i had been brought up to think that atheists were very sad and unhappy with their lives- but instead i felt free- i no longer had to abide by rules that did not to seem to have any point. Atheist are completely misunderstood- we are not sad sinful individuals, we are merely people that challenge other peoples views rather than accepting what other people tell us.