What I'm about to say here is all my own personal revelations and my sole intention is not to criticize and demean others. I am just telling the cold hard facts of this unfair life as they are. I am a caring person and I would not feel in my own mind that innocent people who suffer from depression and anhedonia (emotional numbness) are inferior human beings. I would feel the opposite. However, I would realize that my own feelings are not true and the fact of this unfair life is that I, including everyone else who suffers from depression and anhedonia, are inferior biological robots and are inferior for accepting an entire life of suffering of depression and anhedonia while those with nice happy lives are superior human beings and are superior because they don't have to accept a life of such suffering. I and everyone with such suffering are also inferior because we are not superior immortal god-like beings who can rule over this unfair life of suffering in having no suffering of depression and anhedonia in our lives. We are also inferior because there is no afterlife of eternal joy for all our suffering of depression and anhedonia. Another thing that makes us who suffer from depression and anhedonia inferior is having been born into a time period where science has not yet found ways to eliminate depression and anhedonia through cures. Therefore, we are all inferior for having instead to live with this suffering.
As for people with nice happy lives, it doesn't matter whether they are wicked or innocent, their happiness is what makes them the better people because happiness is superior to lifeless robots and people without happiness are the equivalent to a lifeless robot. I am a hedonist and hedonism states that pleasure is the only greatest thing in life. Therefore, it is just pleasure alone that makes these happy people the greatest in life and nothing can take away from that greatness other than them somehow losing their own pleasure. I am not saying at all that their wicked deeds and attitude makes them better people because it doesn't.
Even wicked people with nice happy lives, their happiness is a form of greatness that many innocent people suffering from depression and anhedonia will never comprehend and is something that they themselves will deem inferior when it is actually far superior to them. Again, I am someone with compassion towards innocent suffering people, but I am just presenting the harsh truth here.
But I would never tell this harsh truth to an innocent suffering person who is on the brink of suicide as that would make him/her feel worse and might drive him/her to commit suicide. I would only tell these harsh facts of this unfair life in my writing to people who can handle them such as to people who are supportive, give advice, and to family, friends, and mental health professionals. I would also tell it to those people who would be angry at this inferior unfair life after reading everything in my writing. I would also tell everything in my writing to those people who have accepted living a life without love and pleasure. These would be people who have accepted that they would never recover these things and tell me to accept my anhedonia, to accept that I will never recover, that there are greater things in life than love and pleasure, and that I will just get used to it. This is something I would never accept and would find very offensive if someone suggested this to me. They would truly be the inferior biological robots for suggesting this to me.
I am now going to explain everything about why suffering is basically for nothing, why pleasure is the greatest thing in life and that people who don't have it are inferior biological robots, and that you can achieve great things in life and help others suffering through pure pleasure alone with a nice happy life just as good as (and even much better) than people who do through their life of suffering and despair:
Robots are fine living a life without pleasure because that's what they are--emotionally insensitive functioning machines that are inferior. But I, on the other hand, am an emotionally sensitive human being who is not fine living a life without pleasure and will never be fine with such a thing because, again, I am a sensitive human being and will forever remain a sensitive human being in terms of my pleasure. For me to be fine with and accept this as a way of life would truly make me the inferior robot and anyone else to be fine with and accept that they might never recover would truly be inferior robots as well. I would never accept such a thing anyway for all my reasons stated in my writing. I am at least one step towards being a superior human being despite my depression and severe chronic anhedonia for having not accepting this as a way of life and trying to gain my pleasure back.
But if it were somehow known for a scientific fact that I would never recover or get better from this and someone were to give me the advice that I am just going to have to accept that and to make the best of my life anyway, I would find that to be an utter offensive joke to me. Telling me instead that I am an inferior robot without pleasure and that I should end my worthless life in this situation just might bring me a sense of empowerment and comfort. I would find it offensive because pleasure is the only greatest thing in life to me and I could never accept losing that.
Life is not about acceptance of living an entire life with depression or anhedonia that never recovers. It is about completely overcoming our suffering of depression and anhedonia. It is also about being superior to acceptance itself and to this inferior life as well as its inferior pointless hardships by living a nice happy life and also by having the attitude of a megalomaniac psychopath who wishes to have power and control in their lives only in the sense of their lives not being bound by any inferior problems. This is one of the reasons why the lives of those who are happy and struggle-free are better lives because these happy people have power and control in their lives, can live life basically however they want, and their lives are not bound by any inferior problems which makes them superior to major problems in life as well as acceptance since they don't have to accept any major problems in life while the rest of us do. These happy people dominate over this inferior life of suffering since they don't have to go through any of it.
I believe in evolution and that our sole purpose in life is to survive. In other words, the phrase "survival of the fittest" is our motto in life and is our only purpose in living. Those with depression and anhedonia as well as other major problems in life are the most unfit for survival (the weakest) while those with nice happy lives are the most fit for survival (the strongest). We are nothing special or strong for having suffered and for moving forward in life despite our suffering because we would still be unfit for survival (weak). However, pleasure is the only strength in life and all other aspects of you as a human being (your thoughts, knowledge, and attitude in moving forward in life), these are not strengths at all. They are nothing more than biological robotic functioning that a highly intelligent and well-designed biological robot in the future with no feelings of love or pleasure would possess. So people with anhedonia and depression would still be nothing more than inferior biological robots even with the attitude of moving forward in life anyway, in helping others, and in doing great things in their lives.
All our suffering is for nothing. We may have helped others suffering through our own suffering which gives the illusion that our own suffering did have a useful purpose and such, but our own suffering for ourselves is truly pointless because there are innocent people with nice happy lives who help others suffering and give great advice. In other words, we can achieve great things in life and help others through pure happiness alone and with a life free of struggles just as good as (and even better) than those people who suffer. I'm also an atheist and believe that there is no heaven for all our suffering and no hell to put all our suffering on wicked people with nice happy lives which is another thing that makes our own suffering even more pointless and makes those who are wicked with nice happy lives even more great.
But some forms of struggle do have an advantage such as training in the military, struggling through rigorous training, and having gained something after all of this which would be the "no pain, no gain" mentality. But there are forms of struggle in this life that are truly pointless. One of these struggles would be for those people who suffer from depression and anhedonia (especially for those people who can't gain any betterment from their suffering and are doomed to a life of suffering). Unlike the gains we would obtain which are gains that can only be achieved through hard training in the military, the gains we obtain from suffering from depression and anhedonia which are gains that are used in helping others who suffer from these things and giving advice as well as other things, these are gains that an innocent person with a nice happy life can achieve (as I've just stated in the paragraph above).
An innocent person suffering from cancer in a hospital bed might think that their suffering had a benefit because they got to meet many people who cared for him/her and such and because he/she gave inspiring messages to others who suffer. But an innocent and caring person with a nice happy life with no suffering can achieve the exact same things (and even better) and can achieve many other great things in life that this innocent person suffering from cancer couldn't which would make this happy person's life far better and would make this other person's suffering truly pointless.
If I was someone suffering from cancer on life support in addition to my depression and anhedonia, my dying message to the world would be everything I'm saying here in my writing as well as what I'm about to say here about pleasure being the greatest thing in life and that without it, you are nothing but an inferior robot (but I would only say this to the people I mentioned earlier in my writing). I would say to the world that this life is inferior for giving us suffering that is truly pointless and giving everything to wicked people with nice happy lives. Our suffering is truly pointless and all that matters is having power and control in our lives instead and for us to have the nice happy lives instead and to create a better and superior world of little to no suffering through science. The fact that this life is unfair instead of fair makes this life inferior and worthless for those suffering from depression and anhedonia as well as the fact that there is no heaven for all our suffering and no hell either for the wicked people. We might as well hand our lives over to the people with nice happy lives because they're the fortunate ones with power and control in their lives and to end our worthless lives in the event that things are at their worst in terms of our depression and anhedonia and will never recover.
I am a hedonist because my own personal experience of this emotion known as 'pleasure' says to me that it is the greatest thing in life and that nothing else in life or anything about you as a person ever compares:
Hedonism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Some scientists and intelligent people might say that feelings of love and pleasure are nothing more than chemical processes in the brain, that it is nothing more than something used for our survival, and that it is nothing special for these very reasons stated. But there is a big difference between how nonspecial and ungreat love and pleasure are in terms of science and how special and great they are to us based on our own personal experience of these emotions. So this is why these feelings are so special to me and are the greatest things in my life simply because they feel like the most special and greatest things ever experienced. Since these emotions feel like the most special and greatest things to me in life, that is what makes them the most special and greatest things in life. The feelings of love and pleasure that others have also has the same value as your own and makes their feelings of love and pleasure the most special and greatest things in life as well. But as for anything else in life besides feelings of love and pleasure that is either unable to serve you or others love and pleasure (such as due to depression or anhedonia) or serves no purpose in regaining your lost love and pleasure, these things have no value. In other words, if you have anhedonia and you lived your life as nothing more than a "job" not doing things to try and bring you or others love and pleasure and not caring to regain your lost love and pleasure, then that is a life of no value and your life would be worthless.
Now as I just stated, your happiness has just as much value as anyone else's (even your own family's happiness). In other words, their happiness is neither of lesser or even greater value than yours. So if I had the choice to either be a happy retard and give my family the burden of taking care of me in which they would just feel a little loss of pleasure due to their hard lives of taking care of me, or to be an intelligent genius with no ability to experience pleasure whatsoever to make their lives happy, one might think that making the sacrifice in becoming the intelligent genius would be the right thing to do. But if I were to become the intelligent genius, that would say right there that my family's happiness is more important than mine. But if I were to become the happy retard, that would say right there that my own happiness has more value than theirs. Therefore, to determine which of these two sacrifices is the right one now all comes down to which of these two sacrifices would cause the greatest loss of pleasure. My family might be happy with a little loss of pleasure in having to take care of me if I was the happy retard, but I would have no pleasure whatsoever if I was the intelligent genius. So the right sacrifice for me to make would for me to become the happy retard. What would be even worse in me making the sacrifice in becoming the intelligent genius is that, since pleasure is the only greatest thing about you as a person in life and that to lose it would be the worst suffering, your family should not feel happy for you at all in making that sacrifice since you would now be nothing more than a biological robot regardless of how much value they have towards you and that you would be going through the worst suffering. Even if my family made the sacrifice in becoming happy retards if they had depression or anhedonia, I would feel that their decision was well-justified and was the right thing to do despite the fact that I would now have to take care of them. This and the other sacrifice I will explain later on in my writing in becoming happy wild animals are both the right sacrifices to make.
But aside from pleasure, one would also have to consider the non-emotional physical aspects in that making the sacrifice in becoming the happy retard would cause the lives of your family to become a physical chore. But non-emotional physical aspects are nothing more than biological robotic functioning that really has no value. In other words, your happiness is the only thing that matters about you and to cause the lives of others to become a physical chore through your sacrifice in becoming the happy retard does not matter. However, physical pain is something of value you would definitely have to consider in making your sacrifice in becoming the happy retard. An entire life of physical pain or any other unpleasant sensation might be just as bad as a life without pleasure (depending on the severity of the pain or unpleasant sensation). Although I am not sure if it can ever be just as bad (or even worse) than a life without pleasure. So to make my sacrifice in becoming the happy retard at the expense of my family living an entire life of intense physical pain or any other unpleasant sensation, or to become the intelligent genius with no pleasure so that my family does not live a life of such misery, this is something undecided. But even so, if my family were to become happy retards at the expense of my life being nothing but physical pain or any other unpleasant sensation or if I were to do the same to them, it just might be the right thing to do considering just how important pleasure is for you in life.
Some people might think that living a life without pleasure is not suffering at all and that they are fine with it. But these types of people are completely delusional if they were completely fine with it since they would think that pleasure is not all that great and does not define their humanity or even a life that is worth living. Based on my writing, that would be completely false and you would be nothing but a biological robot without it with a life that is basically worthless even if you were to live solely for the happiness of others and not your own.
Your thoughts, knowledge, and attitude are what is basically nothing more than science and brain chemistry and are nothing special and great. They are basically nothing more than any other part of the brain responsible for biological "robotic" functions (such as parts of the brain responsible for movement, breathing, etc.). But pleasure is your emotional well-being here and is the only thing that makes your life worth living and is the only thing that allows you to make the best of your life. It is "life" a robot does not have (even the most intelligent and well-designed biological robots in the future would still be nothing more than biological robots if they didn't have pleasure). But if they are designed to have pleasure in the future, then they would no longer be considered robots. They would now be actual artificial life forms.
Even Hitler is a great person for having pleasure. The fact that he killed many innocent people can never take away from the immense value that pleasure has. If I never had depression or anhedonia in my entire life and I never knew just how awful losing pleasure would feel, then I think I would not have valued pleasure to such an extreme as to even call Hitler himself great for having it. I would instead view him as a subhuman monster for killing all those innocent people. But now that I have lost my pleasure, I realize just how great and absolutely necessary pleasure is for me in life and that it makes even the most wicked people great and absolutely nothing can take away from that greatness. It makes even the most wicked people great and makes even the most innocent people inferior biological robots if these innocent people didn't have it regardless of how caring and innocent these people are and what great things they do in life. Even if I do fully recover my ability to experience pleasure later on in life, I will still forever view Hitler as a great person for having pleasure and I would still never forget the immense value that pleasure has.
Therefore, Hitler would be superior to an innocent person who is depressed and emotionally numb who helped many people around the world. However, an innocent happy person who helped people around the world would also be superior like Hitler (providing that they both have the same capacity to experience pleasure). Therefore, it doesn't matter who you are. The only thing that defines your value, worth, and status as a human being (your humanity) is pleasure. All other aspects of you as a human being are basically nothing more than biological robotic functioning regardless of how much it is used in helping others, doing great things in your life, or anything else for that matter including who you are as a person. So this is why people with anhedonia and depression are basically nothing more than biological robots. You may have done great things in your life and helped others, but that still doesn't change the fact that you are nothing more than a biological robot with a worthless life if you didn't have pleasure. Even if you did somehow have value, worth, and status as a human being without pleasure, it would all still be nothing more than biological robotic functioning.
Others may have immense value towards you as a human being for helping others and doing great things in your life, but any such pleasurable feelings they have towards you should not exist. They should not have pleasure towards you when you, yourself, don't have pleasure regardless of how much you help others and do great things in your life. Pleasure is the only greatest thing about you in your life and since you are nothing more than an inferior biological robot if you didn't have pleasure regardless of how much value these people have towards you, these people should only instead feel sad and depressed for you and that you should end your worthless life if you can't recover your ability to experience pleasure.
I bet people such as your family would feel very sorry for you more than they would being happy for you if you were suffering from cancer in a hospital bed or any other such type of suffering. But based on my writing, losing your pleasure would be even much worse than that since it is basically the greatest thing in your life. So it truly would make no sense if these people felt happy towards you despite your loss of pleasure and yet felt very sad and depressed for you if you were going through any other type of suffering. Of course, these people deserve to be happy. I am just simply pointing out here that it wouldn't make any sense for them to be happy towards you despite your loss of pleasure. I am also pointing out just how bad of an experience this is for me and that I would prefer any other type of suffering over this.
Now technically speaking, the fact that you have a brain and a body does classify you as a life form (a human being). But without pleasure and with numbed emotions either through depression or anhedonia, then you would be nothing more than the equivalent of a highly intelligent and well-designed biological robot from the future that has no ability to love or feel any pleasure.
Now another reason why megalomaniacs and people with mania are superior is because they can increase their self-worth and empowerment (their pleasure) to an extreme psychotic level which, metaphorically speaking, makes their value and worth enhanced to a god-like level. Megalomaniacs who want power and control in their lives and to not accept any problem in life, their attitude here is not compatible with this life (universe) as it is a life that forces its problems upon us and to live with those problems. But their attitude would be compatible with a superior god-like life (universe) of no suffering and this is what, in a sense, makes their attitude of this superior god-like universe and makes them superior god-like beings from that universe. But those who do accept problems in life, have humility, and don't want power and control in their lives--these would be inferior beings of this inferior universe only providing that they have less pleasure in life because pleasure is really the only thing here that determines your value, worth, and status as a human being.
Megalomaniacs would be superior god-like beings from another universe (a superior god-like universe) that is the opposite of this inferior universe of being powerless in overcoming certain suffering and just having to accept problems in life and make the best of our lives anyway. This superior god-like universe is a universe where we live lives of perfection, immortality, and empowerment over suffering knowing that we are superior god-like beings who are superior to suffering because we don't have to accept or have any of it. Megalomaniacs have the personality trait of this superior god-like universe since they don't accept problems in life and wish to be superior to them while the rest of us who accept suffering as a way of life have the personality trait of this inferior universe of pointless suffering. Again, I am metaphorically speaking when saying all of this and don't actually mean that there are superior god-like beings or that there is another universe of no suffering because I am an atheist, believe in scientific facts, and don't believe in such superstition. But atheists who accept that there is no God or an afterlife that will grant them this superior god-like status, these people are inferior. At least I hate my own atheism, don't accept it, and wish to have the personality trait of a superior god-like being myself in order to make myself superior to this inferior universe of suffering.
Megalomaniacs are superior because they wish to change things in their life and are not pathetic punching bags that just sit there and accept punches (problems) that this life gives to them. They wish to live the way they want and wish to be superior to reality and its problems which is what makes these megalomaniacs superior. People with humility and acceptance are inferior because they allow their lives to be bound by inferior problems, tell others to just accept their problems, and allow themselves to be of a lower status in life, whereas megalomaniacs are superior because they are the opposite. Actually, as I will explain later on in my writing, accepting any problem in life besides your loss of pleasure and telling others to accept these types of problems does not make you inferior. But if you accept a lifelong depression or anhedonia that never gets better or fully recovers as well as tell others to just accept a lifelong depression or anhedonia, that would make you utterly inferior. This would also include accepting atheism in which you would be accepting a denied afterlife of eternal pleasure. However, as I stated before, pleasure is what really defines your status as a human being. So if you did have all the pleasure in the world and accepted these things in life, then that would give you a superior status anyway.
Also, since I am a hedonist and pleasure is the greatest thing in life to me, since our minds, bodies, and this universe are not designed to make us happy and instead gives us depression, anhedonia, and many other types of suffering, this is another thing that makes our design and this universe inferior to me. I am an atheist who is not even allowed to have pleasure in this one and only life which is what makes this life inferior and worthless to me. Without my ability to experience pleasure, then there is absolutely nothing for me in this one and only life which is why I would rather of been someone who believed in a God and an afterlife of eternal joy because that would give me a sense of hope and a "real" life to look forward to (even though that life doesn't exist) rather than this life which is now worthless since I have no pleasure. Without pleasure, then this life is nothing more than a mockery of me--giving me beautiful and great things to enjoy in this life and I can't experience any amount of pleasure whatsoever from any of these things. My life is now just being wasted away at this point since pleasure is the only greatest thing to me in life and anything else I do in life is nothing more than the equivalent of a robot doing mechanical task in life whether they be great things in life or helping others.
Our minds and bodies are just designed for survival and nothing more. We are just designed to survive and to just forever remain dead in the end. The fact that we are not designed to be superior immortal god-like beings who have complete control over reality and suffering in living an eternal life of joy, this is what makes our design utterly inferior.
I mentioned earlier in my writing that I am at least one step towards being an emotionally sensitive human being for not accepting my loss of pleasure and trying to regain it. The fact that I also value the feelings of others makes me two steps towards being an emotionally sensitive human being despite my depression and severe chronic anhedonia. So in order to be truly defined as "emotionally sensitive," you would have to have both of these personality traits I just mentioned. If you just have one or the other, then you would only earn half that title and that would make you a lesser person as opposed to having the full title. But despite the fact that Hitler does not have that title at all, he is still the better person for having pleasure in his life anyway and nothing can take away from that greatness other than his own loss of pleasure.
Now accepting any other loss in life does not make you inferior. It would be something great and would make you the better person in life for finding pleasure in life despite your loss and for no longer being depressed about that loss. But if your feelings of love and pleasure themselves are the loss and if you were to accept your loss of love and pleasure in life as well as accept that you will never regain these things, then that would truly make you the inferior biological robot as I stated before.
If I had the choice to either be an intelligent genius with no ability to experience love and pleasure who helped many people around the world and made new amazing discoveries through my intelligence or be a dumb happy wild animal, I would be a dumb happy wild animal. Many people might frown upon my decision and might have a black and white mindset in which they would think that if I did sacrifice my pleasure for intelligence in helping others and such, then that would make me the best person. But if I were to instead choose to be the dumb and happy wild animal, then these people would think that I would be the worst person. However, it is not black and white like that. As I said before, having both immense value towards your own feelings as well as the feelings of others is what makes you the better person only in terms of being emotionally sensitive. Other than that, even if you had no such value towards yours or the feelings of others and had full pleasure in life, then you still would be a great person for having pleasure.
In other words, there are two parallel aspects that define your greatness as a human being. One would be your greatness that is defined by your pleasure while the other would be your greatness that is defined by your title of "emotionally sensitive." If you do not have this title at all, but have full pleasure in life, then you would be an utterly inferior human being just in terms of not having that title. But you would also be a superior human being just in terms of having full pleasure in life. This same rule would also apply if it were the other way around. But the truly great individual would have both of these aspects in his/her life. However, the level of greatness that is defined by the title of "emotionally sensitive" is very little compared to the level of greatness that is defined by the aspect of pleasure because, once again, who you are as a person without pleasure is nothing more than mere biological robotic functions.
So if I felt in my mind that although I have both immense value towards mine and everyone else's feelings, but that I just want to live the happy life as an animal and not help others, then that would still give me the full title of "emotionally sensitive." But, of course, if I had no value towards anyone else's feelings and told myself that these people don't matter and to the hell with them in making my sacrifice in becoming the dumb happy wild animal, then that would make me the lesser person in doing so. The same would hold true if I were to make the sacrifice in becoming the intelligent genius and if I were to have either full or no value towards my own feelings of love and pleasure in doing so. So either way, I would still earn the full title of "emotionally sensitive" which would still make me the better person in any one of these sacrifices as long as I still have both immense value towards mine and the feelings of others. But if you have no value towards feelings of love and pleasure (your own including others) and just have immense value towards other things in life, making new discoveries, and gaining new knowledge in making your sacrifice of becoming the intelligent genius, you would truly be the inferior biological robot that has no part in the title of an "emotionally sensitive human being" whatsoever.
Now even if your own family values you and you still made the sacrifice in becoming the happy animal if you had depression or anhedonia as a human being, that would still make you the better person as long as you value both yours and their feelings. If you told your family before making your sacrifice that "I am happy now as a wild and free animal. I know that you'll be happy for me, too. You will overcome your sorrow despite knowing that I am gone out of your lives and instead knowing that I am now truly happy," having that message within you and telling your family it would make you the better person when making your sacrifice in becoming the happy animal. Not only would it make you the better person, but this sacrifice you made would also be perfectly logical. Who you are as a person does not matter because that is nothing more than biological robotic functioning that your family should not lament over if that were gone out of their lives. Your happiness is the only thing that matters about you as a person. Even if who you are as a person is somehow not biological robotic functioning and is something very human, based on my writing, it would still be nothing compared to your feelings of love and pleasure and you would be an utterly inferior human being who has lost his/her humanity for not having these feelings of love and pleasure. So your family should instead feel happy for you for becoming the happy wild animal. For them to feel the other way around would be false and it must be made known to them that their feelings are false and hold no logic and that they should instead be happy for you. Even if my entire family had depression or anhedonia and they all made the sacrifice in becoming happy wild animals who escaped into the wild and out of my life, I would feel that their decision was well-justified and was the right thing to do since they would still be nothing but biological robots without their pleasure regardless of how much I loved and cared for them.
Now back to megalomaniacs and people with mania, their megalomania and mania can take on the form of other pleasurable experiences in life (such as things a normal human being can take pleasure in) and enhance that to a metaphorically spoken god-like super human level as well. So people with manic depression would be inferior biological robots in their depressed state and would be superior human beings and superior god-like beings in their manic state.
Now this life is all about finding your own path of self-empowerment and not caring about what others think of you. Therefore, it's all about the value and worth you give yourself through your own pleasure. What others think of you has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on your own personal value and worth as a human being. But, again, the only thing that does though is your own level of pleasure in life.
Megalomaniacs and people with mania would be superior to people with humility and acceptance who accept depression/anhedonia and make the best of it. These megalomaniacs and people with mania would be superior due to their psychotically enhanced pleasure and for not accepting reality and choosing to increase their level of pleasure to a psychotically enhanced level while the rest of us with not as much pleasure or have little to no pleasure due to depression and anhedonia are inferior.
If you have the ability to fully recover from depression and anhedonia, then that would deem you as the "Ultimate Life Form" in this universe since you would have the ability to recover the only greatest thing in life which is your pleasure. But if you can't recover, then that would make you and your brain a "Worthless Creation" and you should end your worthless life because you would be delusional in somehow thinking you would be making the best of your life anyway and living a fulfilling life without pleasure. You can choose to live anyway, but you would just be a biological robot not being able to "appreciate anything" or "make the best of life" or "live a fulfilling life" because those things in quotes can only come from pleasure alone and don't come from nothing but biological robotic functioning. I ask of you, can a robot achieve those things quoted? I don't think so! And it wouldn't matter anyway if you could because, again, you would still be nothing but a biological robot with a worthless life.
However, the only life worth living without pleasure would be living your entire life not accepting your loss of pleasure by trying everything you can to gain back your pleasure through intensive therapies, medication, and everything else including electric convulsive therapy or deep brain stimulation if nothing else works. Otherwise, if you live and just accept a life without pleasure, then your life would truly be worthless regardless of what you do in life because pleasure is the only greatest thing about you in life that defines your humanity and is the only thing that makes life worth living. Again, you would be delusional in somehow thinking your life would be worth living without pleasure and through just accepting a life without pleasure. So even if you decided to no longer value and seek pleasure and instead live for the pure sake of helping others and giving others pleasure, that would truly make you the lesser person (the inferior robot) for choosing to abandon the one and only greatest thing about you as a human being (your pleasure) and instead choosing to be nothing but a biological robot who helps others. Your life would also be worthless because only highly intelligent and well-designed biological robots in the future can live purely for the sake of others or for other things in life and have no value towards their own love and pleasure in refusing to regain these lost things and find worth living that way. This is not a way of life that would be accepted and lived by an emotionally sensitive human being such as myself who has immense value towards my own feelings of love an pleasure. But if you or anyone else has found worth in living purely for the sake of others or for other things in life with no value towards your own feelings of love and pleasure or in regaining your lost feelings of love and pleasure, that would truly make you the inferior biological robot if you had depression or anhedonia. A true emotionally sensitive human being would have both immense value towards his/her own feelings of love and pleasure as well as the feelings of others. Not just simply one or the other.
I am a person who, without pleasure, finds no value in living just for the sake of living and in just doing things in life as a mission or a job in this life. I am neither a person who solely values intelligence and the pursuit of knowledge in life over the pursuit of happiness. I would have to agree and say that my intelligence is completely useless for me and has only brought me depression and anhedonia as well as atheism in making my life that more pointless and worthless. My intelligence of scientific facts is what lead me to atheism. I am not interested and don't care about science or reality itself for that matter. I just want to live a happy life with the delusional fantasy belief of there being a God and a heaven for my worthless life without pleasure here on Earth. I wanted to live in a happy fantasy world separate from reality through composing and other things. There is a phrase that states "Ignorance is bliss." In other words, I would of rather been someone who is happy and very dumb who believes in superstition (even a dumb happy wild animal that is carefree in life). Some scientists might tell me that, despite my inability to feel love and pleasure, I am an amazing creation that has come about through evolution and that my intelligence can be used for great things in life. Although a scientist would appreciate this, I , once again, am not interested and don't care about science and evolution, my design, or who I am as a person. I would still be nothing more than the equivalent of a highly intelligent and well-designed biological robot from the future that has no ability to love or feel pleasure even if I did use my intelligence to do great things in life and help others as well as having a great personality in life. Not to mention, I have no help or advice I can even think of that I can give to others through my intelligence anyway. The only thing I can think of and is something I truly believe would be everything I'm saying here in my writing. I do not believe in anything else such as making the best of your life anyway if you could never recover your ability to experience pleasure because, according to what I'm saying here in my writing and what I believe, your life would be truly worthless if you could never recover.
I only care about my feelings of love and pleasure because they are the most precious things to me and, unlike the average intelligent person who pursues knowledge and such over happiness through science and other things, I am someone who completely pursues my happiness and love through composing and in expressing these feelings I value so much through composing.
But there is one thing of great value that my intelligence has which would be everything I'm saying here in my writing. I have used my intelligence in discovering the truth of this life which is that pleasure and love are the greatest things and if you ever lose these things and can never recover them, then you are truly an inferior robot who should end his/her worthless life. Now that I have no love or pleasure, then there is nothing left for me in this life but to now call this one and only life inferior and to reveal this cold hard truth in my writing.
Now my dream in life was to be a composer and my only reason for being a composer was to express and experience my feelings of pleasure that I valued so much because music, to me, is all about emotions. But now that I am emotionally numb and depressed, there is nothing for me to express or experience and there is no longer a reason for me to become a composer. I realize that there are composers who put all their suffering into making music in helping others and such, but this is not who I am at all and choosing to express my suffering through composing would only make me feel worse. I wish to express feelings of pleasure alone by creating music that has a beautiful and mystical fantasy feel which would be music that expresses mystical forests and other things.
Even if I were a composer who composed songs that have somber feels to them in helping other people who are suffering, I can compose music that is just as powerful and compelling in helping others and such (and even better) through pure pleasure alone (the pleasure in helping others and through other forms of pleasure). I can compose any song with any feel to it through pure pleasure alone and these songs can be just as good (and even better) than if I suffered negative emotions and used my suffering in composing music. This is another reason why suffering from depression and anhedonia is pointless and has no greater benefit than if you were a happy person. Therefore, living a life of suffering that never gets any better or never fully recovers in inspiring and helping others who suffer is even more pointless because you can be just as helpful and inspiring (and even more) if you fully recovered from your suffering and chose to be helpful and inspiring through your recovery. Again, you can even be just as inspiring and helpful (and even more) having not suffered in the first place and just being inspiring and helpful to those who suffer out of the kindness of your own heart despite the fact that you are living a nice happy life yourself.
Now I was able to channel my feelings of pleasure in creating great music. But now that my pleasure is gone, I cannot create any such piece of music whatsoever and there is no reason to become a composer anyway since I have no feelings of pleasure to express. When I had feelings of pleasure in the beginning, I was able to dedicate all my time all day everyday (many hours a day) in learning to compose and such. But now that I have no pleasure, I have completely given up and no longer dedicate any amount of time whatsoever in composing.
A true composer who only values and expresses their feelings of pleasure through composing (such as myself) would realize that there is no longer any point in composing without pleasure and would just give up composing completely because they would now be emotionless robots in a world that absolutely calls for our experience of love and pleasure (which would be the emotional world of music and composing). If I or any other true hedonist composer such as myself were to have any other disability besides depression and anhedonia instead such as being in a wheelchair or any other mental or physical disability, then such a true composer would never give up in this situation since he/she still has the most important thing about him/her as an emotionally sensitive hedonist composer (which would be his/her pleasure). I, myself, would never give up on composing and even all other things in life in this situation.
But if such a composer were to lose his/her pleasure either due to depression or anhedonia, then that would be the time I and other such composers like me should give up composing completely only until our pleasure fully recovers. Although I could compose purely for the sake of other people's pleasure instead, my only goal in becoming a composer was to express my own feelings of pleasure and give others pleasure only through my own pleasure. Once again, I still value others and their pleasure. It's just that composing is a very personal thing for me and any music I compose comes from my own personal pleasure. Composing is not something in which I abandon my own personal means of composing (which would be channeling my own feelings of pleasure) and instead just composes for the sake of other people's pleasure and composes just as a "job" like a robot. Although I could compose without my feelings of pleasure and instead compose using only my knowledge of music theory, through my thinking alone, and through just playing around on the keyboard, music and composing is a very emotional thing to me and I will not compose like a robot without emotions. Since music and composing must absolutely be a pleasurable emotional human experience for me and I am not even allowed to have this experience at all (since I have severe chronic anhedonia that is there all the time 24/7), this is why I am giving up being a composer. To me, there is no value whatsoever in pursuing my dream of being a composer anyway because that is something "robotic" that only an inferior biological robot would do. I am instead doing the human thing by giving up my dream for now and instead trying to gain back my pleasure through therapies and medication.
Only when my pleasure is back will I then go back to being a composer because I absolutely refuse to be the inferior biological robot in the world of music and composing because my only goal in composing is to use my pleasure and pleasure alone to make music and to feel pleasure when listening to music I like. Therefore, me choosing to become a composer and to listen to music I like despite my anhedonia and depression only serves to make me feel much worse knowing that I cannot experience pleasure from these things at all.
But if I can never regain my full pleasure, then I will never go back to being a composer. I cannot gain back some or even most of my pleasure in order for me to go back to being a composer. I must regain my full pleasure in order for that to happen because I will not be the inferior biological robot to any degree whatsoever in the world of music and composing (even if it is just a little bit).
In the event that my pleasure never returns, I would have to say good riddance to this inferior worthless life that was given to me. I would end my inferior worthless life right then and there only in the event that it were somehow proven to me that I would never regain my pleasure. I might of been depressed about the idea of ending my life at first, but I'm starting to get to the point a little bit where this life is worth ending and not worth living which would give me a bit of a sense of comfort and empowerment knowing that I would have put an end to something that was truly worthless and inferior in my life (which would be my depression and anhedonia). But since it can never be proven to me if I will never regain my pleasure, I will now only live this life for the pure sake of trying to regain my pleasure and for the possible recovery in the future.
I am also going to give up on everything else in my life since none of these things have any value or worth to me without my pleasure. The only thing that has value and worth now would be me trying to gain back my ability to experience pleasure through therapy and medication. So this is the one and only thing I won't give up on and is something I will dedicate all my time towards instead. My sole dream was to, metaphorically speaking, be a superior god-like being in the world of music and composing. That status would be given to someone who is able to fully experience pleasure from music and in composing as well as being able to experience pleasure from these things at a manic level. In other words, my dream was to express my god-like feelings of mania (empowerment) and create music that has an empowered god-like mystical feel to it as an expression of my superior god-like empowered status as a human being and as a composer. But also because I just wish to express my feelings of pleasure in general which would be enhanced to a manic level due to my immense value and overly emotional sensitive personality towards feelings of love and pleasure.
Some people embrace their inner nothingness and call that something great and that it makes them a better person (perhaps a superior god-like being like how I would embrace my feelings of pleasure and call myself a metaphorically spoken superior god-like being as well). But nothingness is not a "power" at all to embrace. It is a lack of power that only serves to make you less of a person (not a superior god-like being or even a human being for that matter). You are nothing but a biological robot if you had inner nothingness regardless of how much you embrace it and use it for great things in life as well as helping others. A superior god-like being would be someone who has full pleasure in life that is even enhanced to manic levels. People who embrace despair and inner nothingness in the world of goth might call themselves "gods of darkness." But, once again, a god of darkness would feel pleasure from dark gothic things--not depression or nothingness in their lives to any degree that only serves to make these people inferior and not gods.
But as for other negative emotions such as rage or sadness that these people might embrace, although having these emotions does make you human and not a biological robot, these emotions are still inferior and make you an inferior human being because they take away from the greatest emotions in your life which are love and pleasure. They are also inferior because they allow problems/rotten people in life to get to you and to make you an emotional slave to these problems/rotten people, rather than emotionally dominating over these problems/rotten people by living a happy empowered life and instead being superior to these things through your pleasure. This also applies to feelings of hopelessness (depression) and anhedonia (emotional numbness). Except that, these two feelings just mentioned are the most inferior of all and are not classified as feelings at all. They are the taking away of your feelings and make you an inferior biological robot.
I watch and feel enlightened and empowered by anime (Japanese cartoons) in which there are god-like and mystical concepts such as god-like characters who have enhanced god-like pleasure and have power and control in their lives through their god-like powers as well as the concept of an afterlife. These concepts are superior to this inferior life in which we have less pleasure and basically have no power and control in our lives over suffering and that there is no afterlife of eternal joy to make us gods. Unlike the average person who watches anime and is inspired by realistic messages portrayed by anime such as making the best of life even during hardships, I am instead inspired by unrealistic messages such as the ruthless characters in anime with enhanced god-like pleasure and personality who seek god-like powers and control over reality and I am inspired by the mystical god-like concepts in anime as well. I have embraced these things and made myself into a megalomaniac who wishes to be a superior god-like being through my pleasure and pursues that in composing music. I am a megalomaniac only in the sense that I feel empowered by mystical god-like things and that I just wish to be a great and empowered person through my pleasure. I still have great value towards other people though.
My megalomania would of then enhanced my pleasure to manic states which would of made me a superior god-like being and a better composer (a superior god-like composer in a sense) who would then be able to create pieces of music that have much more feel and power to them (a manic feel) as opposed to if I was someone with depression and anhedonia (or even just the average person with a humble amount of pleasure) who would only be likely to create music that is nowhere near as great. My megalomania is not only inspired by the ruthless god-like characters, but also by innocent god-like characters which makes my megalomania a very empowered innocent god-like experience as well. I stated before that, since pleasure feels like the greatest thing to me, then that makes it great and makes me a great person. But if I also experience feelings of pleasure that feel god-like, then that would make my pleasure in this specific situation god-like and would make me god-like as well (metaphorically speaking). Experiencing god-like feelings of pleasure from mystical god-like things is what makes you a mystical god-like being in a sense. But now that I have no pleasure at all, I am unable to have any such pleasurable experience whatsoever.
Even if, let's pretend, that I were to become the world's greatest composer despite my depression and anhedonia and even composed music that I wanted to compose, me being the world's greatest composer would not make me a great composer or even a great person at all for that matter. I would only be a great composer just in the sense that I would be a biological robot doing skilled tasks. Your feelings of love and pleasure are what make you a great composer in terms of being a human being and not just some very skilled inferior biological robot composing great pieces of music. Once again, even if I were considered a human being without my feelings of love and pleasure, I would still be an utterly inferior human being and composer since feelings of love and pleasure are the greatest things about you as a person.
Now I would like to share to you a story of a mother and her daughter just to make you realize just how much bullshit this unfair life is and to make you even more enraged towards it. Therefore, here is a story of a mother and daughter who lived happily ever after taking the lives away from innocent suffering people which is, apparently, what made them the better people in this unfair life where we are truly the inferior ones who suffer from depression and anhedonia:
Daughter: "This life is so beautiful."
Mother: "It truly is. For being unfair to those with depression and anhedonia and fair to us happy folks for rewarding us more for having more in life and for taking away from those people for having les in their lives."
Daughter: "We should take even more away from these people to make them feel even worse and give these things to the happy folks like us because they are the fortunate ones."
Mother: "We as a happy family will create a happy fantasy world of our own by taking away from those who suffer from depression and anhedonia, making ourselves and other happy folks like us more happy, and by rubbing it in the faces of these suffering people in making ourselves even more happy."
Daughter: "We will happily overcome and defeat these suffering people and celebrate our blessed lives and victory."
Mother: "The fact that we live in a happy fantasy world makes us superior to struggles and reality itself because we don't have to live by such silly things or accept any of these things. The people who do are the ones who need to be taught that they are just going to have to accept that they are worthless inferior human beings who don't deserve anything. We will take away from such people in order to teach them this valuable life lesson and to teach them that this life is unfair and that they are just going to have to accept that."
Daughter: "Especially for those who suffer and are atheists. We, with our religious beliefs, will go to heaven for living happy lives while those who suffer from depression and anhedonia will live in hell."
Mother: "That's right, honey. Not only is this life unfair, but the afterlife is also unfair as well and gives us heaven and those other people hell. The afterlife is evidenced as unfair because if we drive an innocent suffering person to suicide, then that person would live an eternal life of suffering in hell for having killed his/herself which is obviously not fair for all the suffering that person has already gone through in this life. The afterlife is, therefore, no different than this life because both are unfair and the unfair afterlife will grant us heaven for having lived nice happy lives and will grant hell to those who suffer from depression and anhedonia. If there was a fair God, then He would not of sent this innocent suffering person who committed suicide to hell. Therefore, it wasn't the fact that this person killed his/herself that sent him/her to hell because a fair and loving God would never do such a thing to an innocent suffering person. Rather, it would of been because this person lived a life of despair which sent this person to an afterlife of despair (hell). This person's soul was in despair, could not find its way to heaven, and only found its way to hell. But we are fortunate and our nice happy lives will send us to an afterlife of eternal happiness (heaven). Our happy souls will find their way into heaven and there will be no way that they would find their way into hell since our souls will not be in despair or numb (lifeless) unlike the souls of those who suffer from depression and anhedonia which will be in despair and numb (lifeless).
Once a happy life, always a happy life. And a life of despair will always be a life of despair. These people have to ask themselves the question of what they can do to make the best of this life. Yes, they will burn in hell for all their lifelong despair of depression and anhedonia. But they are just going to have to accept all their suffering not only in this life, but also in hell. Even I have hardships that I have to deal with. I scarred my beautiful face and I have to live with that scar my entire life and to just accept that."
(Story Note: I bet you feel quite offended by that last paragraph there about the mother having to accept a scar on her face and telling us to accept our suffering of depression and anhedonia and in hell that is far worse and that this is a complete offensive joke to us who suffer greatly. How greatly offended you feel from this is how greatly offended I would be if someone told me to accept my suffering of depression and anhedonia and if this person were to then give an example of his/her own suffering, how he/she accepted it, and told me to accept my suffering which hardly compares because pleasure is the greatest thing in life and defines you as a human being. To lose that would be the worst thing. Any other form of suffering hardly compares. I would even find it very offensive if someone with depression and anhedonia told me to accept mine. I would find it very offensive because all of my reasons stated in my writing).
Mother: "Our happiness is our greatest gift in life and is what makes us better and superior to those who don't have it and suffer. Those who frown upon it and upon us for not helping others are just jealous of it. For us to take away from those people suffering through our own happiness is our greatest gift in life and many others will envy it. Innocent suffering people will also envy the fact that we can achieve great things in life through our pure happiness alone just as good as (and much better) than they can."
The daughter then makes a gleeful retarded facial expression and says:
Daughter: "I'm going to pursue pleasure in life to the max. TO THE ABSOLUTE MAX!!!"
Mother: "I know honey, I know. This life is just too beautiful for us and we are so blessed to have it."
Now that you've read everything I've written here as well as the story I've presented, you might be thinking: "Who the hell am I to reveal these cold hard facts of this unfair life and to tell us who suffer from depression and anhedonia that we are inferior robots and such while those with nice happy lives are better and superior human beings!" I will tell you who I am. I am someone who suffers from depression and severe chronic anhedonia just like these people and am not someone who is delusional and somehow thinks my struggles in life made me a better person or that they somehow serve a great benefit as opposed to those people who live nice happy lives without major struggles. That's who I am! I am also someone who dared to call even my own self inferior for all my suffering and didn't just simply tell others that they were just the ones who were inferior.
I wanted to be happy and dominate this inferior life of pointless inferior mental suffering by doing great things in life through pure pleasure alone and in becoming a great composer through pure pleasure alone. Hardships of depression and anhedonia and many others are truly pointless and I don't need such pitiful things. But instead, this inferior life has dominated me and made me the inferior robot with a truly worthless life and I now see no reason to become a composer, much less live (although I will still live anyway for the sake of never giving up in trying to regain my lost pleasure and for the sake of a possible recovery in the future).
In conclusion, I would like to say that everything in my writing is everything I've learned through my own personal experience of depression and anhedonia that I wish to only share to these types of people here that I mentioned in the very beginning of my personal story.
