Phrases and idioms that trigger you.

[paulpablo]

"Does anyone else [insert incredibly common thing]?"

Ha, what I hate is phrases that start with "I'm not a racist but [insert racism]". Or "I'm not homophobic but [insert homophobia]".

I mean, they're obviously bothersome because of the bigoted statements at the end. But the "I'm not an X but" prefix makes them extra annoying. There's literally no reason to say shit like that if you're not trying too hard to not seem the way you clearly are. Like, I've never once known a person prefix a statement with "I'm not an X but" without being an X. I can't imagine why the fuck anyone would say they were "not an X but" without being an X even if they did. Like does that even happen?

Let me try to do it. I'm not an alien from outer space but . . . I really like . . . I really can't. I mean Star wars is great.

See I'm lost for words, it doesn't fucking work.

I'm not a fucking bastard but I really like being really horrible on purpose. See that's a joke, I can't seriously state that.

Let me try again.

I'm not an awful person but I can't afford to give to charity.

See, that doesn't work either, I have to add the "can't afford" in because I can't honestly pretend to not care because I do.

How the fuck is anyone supposed to say "I'm not an X but" and make their statement seriously not represent them genuinely being an X? It's really fucking hard.

Hey! Let's play the I'm-Not-An-X-But-[insert-something-that-sounds-genuinely-nothing-like-an-X-and-still-makes-sense-and-seems-honest] game! I don't expect many winners.

If someone says they're not horrible they just can't afford to give to charity. I don't get why that doesn't work.

And I can think of loads of times when a statement like that could be used to clear up an anticipated misconception.

"I'm not a difficult boss to work for but I have to fire him for what he did as it comes under gross misconduct."

It could be used in this sense for an objection by the employee which has been anticipated by the employer.

" I'm not ultra picky when it comes to girls but I want them to at least have good teeth."

" I'm not a wild person but when you knew me I was going through phase of taking drugs, my personality was different. I'm actually quite sensible now."

The phrase "I'm not being funny but" annoys me, not because I don't think anyone could follow that with something reasonable. It's just because most people I know who use that phrase do follow it with something unreasonable. Most the time anyway.