This week in the Deep Hurting Project: The Devil Ins- The facts surrounding the Rossi case remain unresolved. Visit therossifiles.com for more information on the ongoing investigation.
Okay, now for the actual film:
Also, looking up the Cinemascore films that got an F (and FYI, the only other DHP film on the list was Fear Dot Com; Alone in the Dark and Disaster Movie would be there if my local library had copies), why the fuck did Wolf Creek get an F? It was legitimately good, and I don't think there was anything deceptive in the way it was marketed.
Okay, now for the actual film:
- That opening scene looks way too good to be a VHS tape recorded a few months before I was born.
- Amazingly, it looks like the filmmakers took the ballsy choice to have Aileen Wuornos play the part of our main character's mother. No, seriously, they show footage of Aileen Wuornos' trial and pass that off as the Maria Rossi Trial. Of course, she does appear in the film later played by a different actress. And it seems like her accent keeps shifting every line, from some sort of Italian accent to Jewish-American mother accent to a more neutral one to Irish (during her possession).
- The first few scenes of the present-day actually looks like a fairly decent documentary. And just so we're clear, despite this being lumped into the "found footage" category, but I disagree. I think found footage, I imagine unedited (by the putative makers) footage of things happening. I think Creep, I think Paranormal Activity, hell, I even think The Visit. This feels far too professionally edited to count as found footage, lacking the long, time-scuplted shots that should theoretically be inherent in the format. This is a mockumentary. If this is a found footage movie, so is Best in Show.
- You know what, I simply cannot imagine an American with an NGBRI verdict over their heads for crimes committed in America being allowed to be transferred to a facility in another country.
- And, of course, it takes 24 minutes for the first scary moment of the film (apart from the opening scene), and it's just a random scream that just happens out of nowhere. No build-up, just a jump scare.
- Also, there's rogue exorcists. An interesting idea for a film, people exorcising demonic possessions outside of the Church. Of course, this film sucks balls, so that means people might not be so willing to try it. Then again, they claim that it's important to recognise the demon's full name and place in the heirarchy. In actual Catholic exorcism (take this with a grain of salt), the practice is to utterly avoid that specifically because it plays into their egos and that they should be treated as "the Devil, an enemy of Christ."
- Splattering a camera with menstrual blood. Classy.
- Exorcism in the name of St. Barnabas? You know what, I feel like there should be a Vicar of Dibley joke in there somewhere.
- Inverted Crosses are actually not blasphemous, at least in the eyes of the Catholic Church. According to tradition, when St. Peter was sentenced to death, he specifically requested to be crucified on an upside-down cross because he felt like he didn't deserve to die the same way Christ did (not sure if the Roman legal system would allow for that IRL, but that's the legend and that's what's important in this mythology) As a result, the inverted cross became known as "The Cross of St. Peter" and became a symbol for him and his successors (Read: THE FUCKING POPES.) It turns out that it first became associated with blasphemy in the mid-19th century. I know it's been associated with Satanism for long enough that the Petrine Cross is obscure and needs to be explained to people, (this interpretation is so backasswards that if it wasn't appropriated by metal bands specifically to get a rise out of of Christians being offended by the imagery to this extent, I'd gladly use the Richie Cusack clip) but seriously, if you're trying to create a fucking exorcism movie, at least do your fucking homework on Catholicism.
- So, the devil possessing Maria Rossi lays dormant for a while, and she even falls asleep when the two priests come to confront her. What would be the best strategy in this case? Wait until the priests are gone and then literally raise Hell? Nope, just do a fucking jump scare.
- The exorcists getting pissed off at the Church's habit of covering everything up... and of course the childfucking isn't mentioned once.
- The priest baptising a baby boy, it's just so obvious that he's going to drown it in the baptismal font. Is there any reason it would be in this movie if it wasn't going that way?
- Seriously, between Master of Disguise, Captain America, and this, how many shitty fake Italian accents am I going to have to deal with by the time I'm done with The Project?
- The ending: Holy fuck, the ending. Just as the movie's starting to get really interesting, as Isabella is being driven to her possible exorcism, the two exorcists doing so (why the fuck are they driving her elsewhere?) get possessed and crash the car they're in. And then, that fucking card. And that's it. I can remember seeing videos of people in the theaters booing the ending. I can't find it now. And what's worse, that Rossi Files website, well, due to the film's poor reception, they let it expire. However, if you were so inclined to visit the site after watching the film on the day it was released, here it was. And we don't get much new information, anyway.
- Also, the credits roll very fucking slowly. The credits take up eight minutes of an 83-minute movie.
Also, looking up the Cinemascore films that got an F (and FYI, the only other DHP film on the list was Fear Dot Com; Alone in the Dark and Disaster Movie would be there if my local library had copies), why the fuck did Wolf Creek get an F? It was legitimately good, and I don't think there was anything deceptive in the way it was marketed.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.