And we're back to Bratz.
More crazy shit:
More crazy shit:
- I forgot to mention the fact that Meredith, the alpha bitch of the school, has this I think Pomeranian named Paris who accompanies her everywhere and frequently dresses up like her, including, in the final scene, in a black turtleneck and balaclava.
- Random out of nowhere scene where the music teacher convinces Dylan to become a DJ
- This fucking food fight scene (seriously, was the Blue Danube waltz the best music to score this scene? Why not La Gazza Ladra?):
- About half an hour into the movie, Chelsea Staub's insanity really starts to shine. Not content to just play the Queen Bee, she's got her own conference room in the school with hidden cameras, blaming her friends for her own faulty plans, looking straight into the camera with a Kubrick stare while carrying a flash drive (always referred to as a "jump drive.") At another point, she starts threatening Yasmine with a fucking Katana she keeps there.
- So, why exactly is a Mexican girl singing "La Cucaracha" with her grandmother while she's wearing The Mask blackmail-worthy?
- A superpower is not something you hide from the world. It's something you show off to the world while you put on another persona. Unless you're Iron Man, in which case you just do it.
- "If I see one more violin playing contortionist, I'm going to scream!"
- The Bratz sit down together for lunch while Ennio Morricone-style music plays.
- This movie has no understanding of how class works. Chloe's family is allegedly poor, but she looks like she can afford the same sort of conspicuous consumption as her friend. The only way this is conveyed (aside from talking about it) is that her mother is... well, do you remember how Helga's mom on Hey! Arnold spent most of her screentime listless and mumbling about making smoothies because Nickelodeon wouldn't let Craig Bartlett outright say she's an alcoholic? Chloe's mother does the same thing. Also, a principal's daughter is rich enough to live in a fucking mansion. Hell, her dog gets its own pool, and she has the connections to get on that celebration of sybaritism, MTV's Super Sweet Sixteen.
- Oh, yeah, Meredith decides to throw a second Sweet Sixteen party and tape it on MTV. Bear in mind: she's eighteen. And she's throwing a Sweet Sixteen Party just for popularity points. And even her posse points out that it makes no sense.
- Yasmin's kid brother is blatantly trying to hit on Meredith's kid sister. The latter looks like he's passed puberty, and the former doesn't seem to have hit menarche. I can't confirm William May's Day of Birth, but it looks skeezy as all fuck. He even hits on her when she's dressed up like a clown.
- The Bratz are intiailly not invited to the Sweet Sixteen, but it turns out that Chloe's mom is supposed to cater it, and they manage to sneak in while dressed up like... sexy clowns. And it took about five minutes for them to change it from traditional clown outfits to the monstrosities they wear to the party.
- Meredith comes into the party riding a fucking elephant. I swear that was part of a joke made on SNL about the show. And then she does the first of her musical numbers, and I swear that she's cribbing from Frank Zappa during the bridge:
- Somehow, the Bratz name sounds extremely forced here. They're not particularly bratty.
- PLUNGERMAN!
- What a coincidence, Yasmin finally gets the nerve to talk about being blackmailed just as her friends are ready to forgive her and meet them outside her window.
- Seriously, every single attempt Meredith makes to undermine the Bratz' authority (such as it is) ends up becoming a jaw-dropping failure. She tries to keep them apart by sending them to detention? They finally decide to reconcile. She embarrasses Yasmin with the "La Cucaracha" video? The band starts playing it and nobody cares? Meredith decides to carry through on my blackout threats? It all becomes a group confessional. And they immediately get a record deal.
- And so, the film ends with two crappy music videos.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.