RE: The Last Movie You Watched
September 23, 2019 at 7:29 pm
(This post was last modified: September 23, 2019 at 7:47 pm by Rev. Rye.)
You know what, I only watched the movie Baby Geniuses because the sequel is part of the Deep Hurting Project, but, you know what, I think this is going to be the worst film I've ever seen that ISN'T officially on the "So Bad It's Horrible" list, so this is an honorary entry.
- The premise makes no sense: apparently babies have this secret way of understanding the world that requires supercomputers to pull something out of their asses to interpret banging around on a toy piano into a Bach-like fugue. I know a film with a premise that's blatantly absurd can still be good (like how The Dirty Dozen mission would almost certainly ever be approved by Americans)
- The effects that go into making the babies look super-intelligent (or at least on par with an older kid) just look lackluster, and it's clear that they've put Dwarves in the movie as much as possible to sub for the babies, and while it's not quite at "Mike Myers' adult face on a kid's body" levels, it's still blatantly obvious that their faces are pasted onto dwarf's bodies, and with lip-sync I swear I've seen on Clutch Cargo. And the voice actors are at Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny levels of bored phoning it in.
- You know what, forget the "babies are secretly geniuses" plot: everything about the secret baby-lab makes no sense. There is no reason for BabyCo to have a secret underground lab. From what I've seen, their experiments consist of monitoring children in controlled environments, isolating them from the outside world, and using supercomputers (which spout out exposition they should already know) to monitor their progress to prove the effectiveness of the Kinder Method of childrearing in making babies more intelligent. They could just keep doing what they're doing with none of this cloak and dagger shit, hell, they could outsource them from their employees and it would be 100% legal. And they give these kids toys that could easily be used to CREATE A GUN THAT JAMS ELECTRONIC DEVICES SO THEY CAN ESCAPE MORE EASILY.
- And then there's this scene:
Yes, not only do they go for such a bottom-of-the-barrel joke, have the self-awareness to explain how obvious it is, fall victim to it anyway, but they do this TWICE. IN AS MANY MINUTES. And they use the same speech. I seriously had to rewind the DVD to confirm that, yes, they did it twice.
- Why are the babies able to hypnotise Dom DeLuise so easily (and if it's just because he's already asleep, why is Dickie hypnotised when he's wide awake)? And why do they make him do this?
- What the fuck is Dickie doing with a "Stop" sign on his forehead?
- And they end it with a shitty country music ballad by Randy Travis over clips of the rest of the movie like it's something we're supposed to give a shit about.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.