RE: The Last Movie You Watched
October 7, 2019 at 12:55 am
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2019 at 12:57 am by Rev. Rye.)
This week in the Deep Hurting Project is FearDotCom, the last of the three Deep Hurting Project films on the list to have an F score on Cinemascore (the previous two being I Know Who Killed Me and The Devil Inside. In the 40 years they've been scoring films, exactly 19 films have been given F scores. A lot of the time, it's actually because studios just didn't know how to market it, like treating Solaris as a love story when it's a lot more complicated, or Mother as a jump-scare-heavy horror movie when it's actually mostly a riff on The Skin of Our Teeth with more overt commentary on religion and fewer dinosaurs, or Bug and The Wicker Man as horror films when they're clearly meant to be comedies (I'm actually serious about the former one). Or maybe Harvey Weinstein decided to release Wolf Creek, a movie where a woman gets her head on a stick, on CHRISTMAS DAY. But, of course, some of them just are that shit. I've already reviewed two of them here, and two more would have made the list if my library had DVD copies (Disaster Movie and Alone in the Dark, BTW), and this is the last one.
You know, it's close to midnight, so I think now is a good enough time to go to sleep, dust mites be damned.
- This film has one of the dumbest opening scenes I've ever seen: so, a man and a little girl are alone in a subway station. The little girl is playing with a big ball, and it falls into the tracks, she jumps onto the tracks, and somehow gets away. Then the man jumps on the tracks to try and save her. Then he notices a train is coming and he hides in the eaves. Then, just before the train gets to him, he JUMPS INTO THE PATH OF THE ONCOMING TRAIN!
- Also, that guy's name? Polidori. Yes, as in John William "Author of the first vampire story and sidekick on Mary Shelley's Frankenhole" Polidori. Christ, they even call him "Polly Dolly" like Frankenstein does!
- You sleep with bugs. Goddammit, I'm watching this shitfest late at night and I do not need to think about the dust mites in my mattress!
- Earlier today, I watched the new Three Arrows video about Rammstein. It was a video essay about their new video "Germania" and the controversy over its use of Auschwitz Mittelbau-Dora imagery in one scene. It was pretty good, and kind of uplifting to see him talk about these people who keep playing German stereotypes to the hilt and yet still openly despise the worst bits of it.
Then, less than 12 hours later, you hear them using "Sonne" as the soundtrack to a snuff film.
- Okay, so the villain's making snuff films, he's making appearances in these snuff films, showing his face, speaking without a voice changer, and distributing them on the Clearnet. I know that Stephen Rea's putting on a Jewfro and a Heath Ledger Joker voice, but this is just begging to be caught.
- FEARDOTCOM.com. They put "Dot com" in there TWICE. Surprisingly, fear.com seems to be an empty domain.
- So, the ball from the beginning is back? Why? Honestly, according to Wikipedia, director William Malone wanted to make the film look "basically like a nightmare." And the result is a bunch of creepy imagery that lacks any rhyme or reason and just falls flat. I mean, I've done shit like that, but when I do it, it's as a sort of joke, like, say, witnessing your older self having sex with a dead squid. While this doesn't appear in the film (at least, I hope it doesn't), I swear, if Malone had that idea, this would be played dead straight.
- So, there's a little girl and she has hemophilia. She's the girl we saw in the beginning. Some people balked at this revelation, but female hemophiliacs actually are a thing. As an X-linked recessive disease, it's a hell of a lot more common in males, but some females actually do get it. And some even live into adulthood! So, yes, Virginia, something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die can still actually have hemophilia!
You know, it's close to midnight, so I think now is a good enough time to go to sleep, dust mites be damned.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.