This week in the Deep Hurting Project is a film I wanted to watch last week, but given that it wasn't available, I had to make do with A Christmas Story 2. But, hey, at least it stars Bruce Willis, so it's a step or two removed from Die Hard, which is generally considered a great Christmas movie.
- "There's a bomb set to go off under a bridge. Which one is it?" I legitimately did not know they let Zen masters be terrorists.
- And he's ordering the bank's workers around by writing notes, like "open the safe" and "open the fucking safe." In his quest to stay anonymous, you'd think he'd have the foresight to notice that maybe someone might try to find a handwriting analyst. I mean, sure, he uses block capitals, but there's only so far you can keep that anonymous.
- It takes almost half an hour for Bruce Willis to even appear in this Bruce Willis film, and he's basically a consultant for Frank Grillo's character, he's seen only in a hotel room, and, you remember how Stallone is barely a bit player in Escape Plan 2? Well, this movie did the same mistake as that film, except worse. It's like he accepted this role on the sole condition that he do as little as possible and still get paid for it. Anytime you see his character, but not his face, it's a body double. This is shit Steven Segal does for his films, and Segal at least has the excuse of hiding how much of a fatass who couldn't possibly do all those martial arts movies he did in his prime he is, and Bruce doesn't even have that excuse. And his scenes are so boring they have to intercut scenes of Grillo at the shooting range to keep it interesting.
- Seriously, this has to be the most boring action movie I've ever seen. Most action movies at least try to keep you interested through, well, action, and this movie barely does that.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.