So, this week in the Deep Hurting Project: Norm of the North. And cue the obvious joke:
And for the records, this video was made before the movie was made, probably even before it was even announced.
And for the records, this video was made before the movie was made, probably even before it was even announced.
- "Don't listen to the haters" is a very foreboding line, especially given that the studio's response to this movie's failure was to make AT LEAST THREE SEQUELS.
- These lemmings are practically launching themselves into Norm's mouth as he's trying to hunt. And he ignores them.
- Good God, the animation looks even more hideous on the DVD than on the YouTube videos I watched beforehand.
- Surprisingly, the much-maligned twerking isn't really twerking, since there's no emphasis on the booty.
- So, who the fuck thought that setting up tourist homes in the Arctic was a good idea? It's an inhospitable land with very little infrastructure, is freezing most of the year, and the only way it can become more habitable is because the world's getting warmer and the ice that makes up most of the solid surfaces of the Arctic (including literally everything shown in the film) is melting. And more people in the Arctic is only going to make the problem worse...
- And why doesn't Socrates help confirm that there are homes being built in the Arctic when they disbelieve Norm?
- No. There's no penguins in the Arctic. There's zero wild penguins in the Northern Hemisphere, except maybe some Galapagos species that wandered up.
- So, the bad guy watched a video that shows the ice surrounding the house splitting and getting charged by a polar bear, and his response is "We need a polar bear mascot." And that's not even getting into the fucking avalanche that she doesn't show him.
- So, they hatch a plan and it's the dumbest I've ever heard: in order to stop the homes in the Arctic from being built, he has to go to New York and BECOME THE MASCOT FOR THE WHOLE ENTERPRISE. And his plans don't involve trying to sabotage the product: just trying to legitimately sell the project. And he explains his plan to everyone he meets. I don't know if this is because they think this is such a brilliant plan or if they think the audience is that dumb.
- Are Green's goons so stupid they can't tell a real polar bear from a coworker in a fursuit?
- And even the film knows that this is a dumb plan, because his plans over have a 2.8% approval rating. You know what, why not make him an oil tycoon wanting to drill in the Arctic? At least that happens in real life.
- Also, it speaks volumes about the film that they devote 22 seconds to a scene of the lemmings peeing in a fish tank:
- Live pufferfish at a sushi restaurant. That has to be illegal.
- Somehow, Greene's approval ratings went up after he stormed a sushi joint packing tranquilizer heat. This movie takes place in bizarro world. And once the library starts to accept returns again, we'll get back to an even more bizarro world when we cover the Atlas Shrugged trilogy.
- "Creepy, one-note villain." And they're even aware of the film's shortcomings.
- Lemmings: The smallest animals in the arctic? What, no love for krill?
- And when Norm's explaining the plan to Olympia, she has to remind him to "strike" now that he's been tasked with shilling for the Arctic tourist homes.
- Why does Norm need to outright say he supports these tourist homes in the Arctic. He's working to promote them, wouldn't that be obvious?
- I'm pretty sure the investors can still pull out of Greene's plan, especially since it turns out their support was built on false premises.
- Yes, Mr. Greene, they know who you are. They saw your picture on the big screen and started to gang up on you after they saw you were being investigated for bribery.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.