So, this week in the Deep Hurting Project is the Netflix Original Pets United. So, for what it's worth, it's the bizarre mix between The Secret Life of Pets and Robots that's apparently a remake/sequel of a movie called Animals United (made a decade earlier by the same director) that's loosely based on a novel by Erich Kästner of Emil and the Detectives and The Parent Trap fame. Somehow, this got made and put on Netflix.
- So, for what it's worth, can I ask why humans would move to a place called Robo Town? And it's not like these are maintenance workers; one of the characters belongs to a fashion model.
- That barely looks like a spider.
- Is that a Red Panda? Speaking in an Irish accent? And why is it even a pet in the first place?
- Of course the robot cop is dumb enough to fall for its own plunger dart gun. Of course.
- What the fucking Christ is that? A pig with bunny ears and a pomeranian's color scheme.
- And the mayor of Robo Town is expelling the human race from its borders and is announcing his plan to commit what I think amounts to ethnic cleansing on live TV.
- And the town's freaking out at the robotic spiders before they have a chance to do anything.
- You know what might have made a better movie than repeatedly saying the proboscis monkey is sensitive about the size of his hooter? Actually demonstrating it in one scene. And once they decide to actually show this, it's the lowest-effort fight scene I've ever heard in a movie.
- Why are we spending a minute plus on trying to get a Komodo Dragon to say "salad diet and peppermint?"
- This is probably the worst song I've ever heard of in a movie:
- And why is the marmoset the one responsible for all this exposition?
- There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows calling with their shimmering sound;
And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white;
Robins will wear their feathery fire
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn,
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
- And surprisingly, the pets all know how to work the things at the abandoned mall.
- And why do the toy dino-bots have a direct line to the baddie? And why can it be so handily distracted by a fucking ball?
- "I have no clue what's going on-" Maybe doing this while still recovering from a septoplasty was a bad idea.
- And of course Roger used to belong to the mastermind of Robo City. Of course.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.