This week in the Deep Hurting Project is a dip back into Netflix for their 2020 drama, a strong contender for the worst-timed movie ever made, The Last Days of American Crime. It's basically about a future where, in a few days, the government is going to create a signal that stops people from knowingly committing a crime (not sure if that's a plausible idea). The same week it was released, people were protesting the death of George Floyd. Also, it's now the longest film in the history of the Project, clocking in at 149 minutes and one second.
Also, I think I'm going to add a couple little bonuses this coming month: taking on three shitty Christmas specials. The Littlest Light on The Christmas Tree will be coming soon, since I recently put the DVD on hold at my local library and is close to being available (probably on December 1), I think I'll take on Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa by the holiday itself, and, odds are, I'll find some time to put The Christmas Tree in there.
But, of course, I'll still do the usual horrible feature film, and, unless Amazon takes down While She Was Out, I'm thinking I'll do it next week. After all, it's set on Christmas Eve.
- So, the opening is a long, drawn-out torture scene that culminates in a guy being tied up, placed in a bathtub full of gasoline, and being handed a lit cigar, telling them if they stand still enough, it might burn on their face and not fall into the gasoline in the tub. And then it pulls back to reveal a hole in the wall with a bunch of Benjamins sticking out, a cartoon playing on TV, and a couple other bodies.
- Is this just SOP for a bank heist? Tossing a wad of cash in the air? And can the symptoms be a bit less convoluted so I can understand what they are? And what's with the fucking Snorricam?
- So, what the fuck happened to America to make it go this bad in four years?
- And fuck you for using Portishead in this piece of shit!
- So, they devote a three-minute sex scene to the protagonist fucking a woman only to have the punchline be that she wanted to fuck a loser.
- "I was there, I saw him fucking die" is not a word. It's a phrase.
- So, it's 25 minutes in and we finally get to the plot: stealing $30 million in revenge for his brother's murder. Why does this movie need to be 149 minutes long?
- Okay, so how's the API supposed to effect the lives of the many cops who are out of a job now?
- So, the signal freezes you. Why the fuck didn't it freeze the bank robbers in the beginning?
- So, ill-gotten gains become useless post-ADI? How the fuck does that work? So, the currency's going to change? Isn't there usually a changeover period where the government buys back old money at the new value? And what's the fucking point of stealing all that old money that's supposed to be worthless when the API signal comes into being?
- Glorifying the police's right to commit deadly force on anyone they see fit to use it on. Gee, and I wonder why people thought this movie was released at the worst possible time.
- So, they're going so far as shooting down celebrities who try to leave the country in jets? What hope do these criminals have of getting out?
- Fucking Hell, a big, shouty argument between three people about fucking one's stepmother. Why should I care about these people?
- And somehow gasoline cigar guy from the beginning survived.
- There's nothing like a good crime drama. And, of course, this is nothing like a good crime drama.
- Getting away with a billion dollars on a big fucking forklift. That certainly won't be conspicuous.
- So, apparently the API signal can be overcome without fatal brain injury after all.
- "I need you to tell me what's going on. Yes, you do have nice feet, but that doesn't answer my question.
Also, I think I'm going to add a couple little bonuses this coming month: taking on three shitty Christmas specials. The Littlest Light on The Christmas Tree will be coming soon, since I recently put the DVD on hold at my local library and is close to being available (probably on December 1), I think I'll take on Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa by the holiday itself, and, odds are, I'll find some time to put The Christmas Tree in there.
But, of course, I'll still do the usual horrible feature film, and, unless Amazon takes down While She Was Out, I'm thinking I'll do it next week. After all, it's set on Christmas Eve.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.