This week in the Deep Hurting Project is Airplane Mode, a movie that's basically a spoof of Airplane starring a bunch of YouTubers, most notably Logan Paul. The fact that the film's poster has a plane dabbing should tell you all you need to know. Also, it was shot in 2016 and was meant to be released sometime in 2018, but then, Logan Paul uploaded his notorious suicide forest and then followed it up with a bunch of other disturbing videos (which honestly made me question whether or not he was actually criminally insane, although it looks like he's more brain damaged.) This led to the release being halted until 2019, and the producers actually think Logan made those videos specifically to sabotage the film, and not because, well, he's like this:
But the movie's on Prime now and I'm going to watch it.
But the movie's on Prime now and I'm going to watch it.
- So, the opening credits are unusual: they're formatted as pre-flight instructions with some attempts at edgy comedy, and then some credits I'm somehow convinced were done by Gaspar Noe. And somehow, I'm most tempted to make wisecracks about how Qantas never crashed. I have autism so I can make wisecracks about Raymond Babbit.
- I don't actually watch Logan Paul's videos, but it looks like his room has some interesting designs: a cabinet that's entirely covered in license plate, and a photo mural of Logan's bird that's larger than he is.
- So, is Logan's inability to lock his doors a symptom of his brain damage?
- Since when does Logan Paul actually have the judgment to try and delete fucked up videos before they're uploaded?
- #acon. It's the biggest social media event since Dashcon.
- Well, at least this fall broke his femurs and not his head, otherwise it'd be really horrible.
- I did not need to see termites making a porno.
- Are we sure that they're going to be in the same part of Australia as his girlfriend? Because, from what I know, it's largely a collection of cities on the coast that can easily be hundreds if not thousands of miles (which mostly consists of an inhospitable outback) apart.
- And it took 10 minutes for them to get to a joke about Australia's insanely malevolent wildlife.
- Is the lotion bottle talking?
- Oh, look, Hannibal LEcter's on this flight. And by an extraordinary coincidence, when I went to
- 911 reasons to not trust that Arab guy?
- Huh. I did not expect the airport security jokes to include suitcases being tossed into a woodchipper.
- And he's getting:
- Nobody survives plane crashes? I'm just gonna leave this here.
- So, Logan can apparently read the thoughts of gay people now.
- And the influencers are so stupid they refuse to turn their phones to airplane mode even as the plane starts malfunctioning. You know, with COVID and people still refusing to take steps to mitigate its spread, I think I can buy people being this recklessly selfish.
- His name is Penis?
- Fasten your seatbelts=unfasten them and devolve second class into a huge orgy shot by I think Daniels?
- Coffee that's black AND full of cream? You know, maybe you can not make your order into a total logic bomb, kid.
- How can you love someone you've never actually met? And meanwhile, I've spent over a year living in quarantine with a dakimakura of an obscure 2000s actress who almost certainly doesn't know I exist.
- So, the pilots have been dead for hours and nobody noticed. I looked up what would actually happen in this situation, and one Quora post I found explains it succintly: "I fly for an airline and if both pilots die in flight, it’s game over. The plane will eventually run out of gas and crash. There will be no private pilot wannabe hero in the back coming up to land the plane because he can’t get into the cockpit."
- A gay man decides to randomly breastfeed a lost baby. Why the fuck not?
- And why the fuck is Logan in the cockpit? You know, maybe you could have used that breastfeeding scene to explain how and why not-Hannibal Lecter decided to put him there?
- CPR doesn't work on its own, dude. It just keeps the bodily systems fresh for the paramedics to do the real work.
- These air traffic controllers seem really nonchalant about the fact that the pilots are dead and the flight attendants are MIA.
- Does this girl not notice that the baby that Nick Swardson has in his arms is hers?
- And they're still doing "Leave Britney Alone" jokes in the mid-to-late-2010s?
- You'd think that the video he's watching to learn how to land a plane would edit out the scenes of the kid arguing with his family.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.