This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Blood Orgy of the She Devils, a movie with an awesome title that is almost certainly a lie.
Well, unlike this week, when I had 15 choices for a horror movie (narrowed down to 13 because The Ripper and Raiders of the Lost Shark somehow left Tubi), Providence has helped me, because I found the MST3K DVD of The Wild World of Batwoman. It's bad enough for the Project AND has the unedited original film as a special feature, so it looks like for what is probably the third, maybe fourth time in the Project's history, I'm actually paying to get to see the movie.
- Why did they colorise the intro to William Hartnell-era Dr. Who, remove the music, and superimpose some random eyes?
- Music by some dude's stomach noises fed into a synthesiser with contributions by a very early drum machine.
- So, there's these girls in something bikini-adjacent. Is this going to be the blood orgy? Or are they just going to keep turkey circling around that guy in the diaper?
- So, listening to the dialogue, early on it was really difficult to hear it over the film noise, but once you do hear it, it's all stilted, like it's written by someone trying for Shakespearean without actually knowing how Early MOdern English actually worked. "I have been led to understand that sorcery for pay or financial gain or even silver would make you without power."
- 40,000 rupees? Why are they paying in Rupees? Is this India?
- Ancestrial?
- Okay, once the modern couple enters the picture, it goes up to barely-passable modern English.
- Takawana and Jessica? That's an interesting pair of names for your aunts, Bruce.
- Jesus God, woman, do you have to have to start taking a dump in front of an audience? Also, there has to be something wrong with you if it makes you scream like that.
- "You no be going have papoose?" "You no take big shiny bird across big waters?"
- So, I think I've figured out the deal with the main witch's weird speech pattern: She's using Object-Subject-Verb order, like Yoda. Not all the time, just usually.
- I think the witch aimed a little higher than your knee in that voodoo doll, dude.
- Huh, An ancient exorcism and stoning performed in Wisconsin. Who'd have guessed?
- Please let this be the blood orgy, because bugger-all has happened in the past hour or so.
- "Hey, I said remove thy garments, for thou art still wearing the same scanties as thou werst when we began."
- Crap. This is the same non-orgy as before, isn't it?
- Please tell me this isn't one of those movies that has to fake an earthquake by just shaking the camera.
- And finger-beams (plus some really bored-sounding incantations) are defeating the coven? I'm not sure if this was explained while my eyes glazed over and I started checking on my OnlyFans subscriptions.
Well, unlike this week, when I had 15 choices for a horror movie (narrowed down to 13 because The Ripper and Raiders of the Lost Shark somehow left Tubi), Providence has helped me, because I found the MST3K DVD of The Wild World of Batwoman. It's bad enough for the Project AND has the unedited original film as a special feature, so it looks like for what is probably the third, maybe fourth time in the Project's history, I'm actually paying to get to see the movie.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.