This week in the Deep Hurting Project, Monster, The Asylum's answer to Cloverfield.
- Fortunately, it doesn't look like they're using real footage of a deadly Japanese earthquake.
- Come on, I wanted to see if that girl who was filming her shoes was going to take them off. Wait, they're filming in front of a mirror, it's a found footage movie, and why the fuck can't I see who's operating the camera?
- Push in? You mean zoom in?
- So, why are they in Japan if they're trying to investigate global warming? They're based out of LA, so you'd think there'd be something there. Like some sign that LA's becoming an even bigger heat sink than usual, or a climatologist from Berkley or Stanford or Palo Alto.
- Goddammit, they're using the found footage conceit as an excuse to be lazier with their camera and sound, aren't they?
- So that's why they're there? The Kyoto Protocol? The United Nations-created treaty that just happened to be adopted in Kyoto?
- You don't know what you mean when you say it's not safe in the city? Even though you just had to deal with an earthquake.
- What the fuck was that glitch-out? And why is everything stopping and starting at seemingly random intervals? And why is everything interlaced to shit even when it's acting normally? And, yes, I checked to make sure it's not just my internet connection or Tubi acting up.
- Just give me the camera. Don't pan down to my shoes. I'm going closed-toed, and there's fuck all in the way of lighting.
- Remember when the makers of Rollerball decided to be daring by shooting a random scene in night vision for no fucking reason? In some scenes, it's either either malfunctioning to the point where you don't know what you're looking at, shooting in such a low resolution that you know every pixel by its name, randomly shutting off entirely, and even when the camera is behaving itself, it's shaky to the point where you have no idea what you're looking at. I've even given up on FaceTime or Zoom calls with less debilitating glitches.
- Oh, look a squid tentacle. I wonder if we're actually going to see more of that beast.
- It's legit amazing. This movie's pacing is nonexistent, it was rushed so it could be out a week before Cloverfield could come out in theaters, and it's still longer than Cloverfield.
- You've never seen a dead man before? I don't know if I should ask how these ladies lived such sheltered lives that they'd never been to a funeral or point out that, due to the shit camerawork, we didn't get to see a dead man, either.
- You need to get it on YouTube? Wasn't this movie set in 2003?
- Oh, Shinjuku Gyoen (or Shinjuku Goyen aka Japanese Garden), I wonder if, in some shelter in the garden, this was going to happen today:
- Big buildings on fire, and why is this not giving off 9/11 vibes? In universe, this takes place less than 18 months after 9/11.
- So, the creature wreaking havoc on the city is a mizuchi. Basically a water spirit that usually takes on the form of a dragon. If you've seen Spirited Away, think Haku. And apparently, it's supposed to come out when the water is dead, even though I don't think that's how Shinto works. At least, that's not how it worked in Spirited Away, where Haku was stuck in the spirit realm because the Kohaku River was filled in years ago. Also, what I've been able to find about mizuchi doesn't confirm that it would have an octopus tentacle.
- Soybeans are popular in Japan? Nobody tell the alt-right! They might find some reason to go apeshit about how the anime they like are made by men feminised by soybeans, even though soy doesn't work that way.
- Okay, looking up the climate in TOkyo in January, it's usually less than 50 Fahrenheit (10 Centigrade), so why are these women okay with tossing as many layers as that in this weather?
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.