This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B. I know Aaliyah was R. Kelly's child bride and I know this movie was on Lifetime. Let's just go with this shit:
Next Week, Lawnmower MAn 2: Beyond Cyberspace. And between now and next Sunday, I'll have to find a copy of the original.
- (00:10): This is just a problem with the YouTube upload, but for some reason, it starts at 00:10. For whatever reason, I can only view the first ten seconds on my laptop, but not my iPad.
- (01:18): You think you could set something up? First scene, she's on TV singing Rodgers and Hart, the next scene, she's gotten over her loss, and a family friend's announcing he's signed R. Kelly to his record label.
- (03:20) Most of what I know about Aaliyah is in relation to R. Kelly's bullshit, but somehow, I get the feeling this is clearly just going through Cliff Notes of her life story. Granted, that's probably inevitable in biopics, but every scene is just this happens, then this happens.
- (6:34) Are these backup dancers doing the pee-pee dance? Also, the costumes are strange. Aaliyah looks like she's wearing a palette-swapped version of my letterman jacket from high school (one that doesn't seem to correspond to anything Aaliyah wore in real life), and the backup-dancers seem to be wearing hoodies with similar designs, but torn to reveal their midriffs.
- (10:22) I don't know if this is her Uncle Barry or R. Kelly, but if this is R. Kelly, it's like every word out of his mouth is a metaphor for grooming.
- (11:05) Thank Christ, it was just Uncle Barry.
- (11:48) There was no way for Aaliyah to be this huge a fan of R. Kelly before she met him. You know how I know this? Because the debut single from his first album name-dropped her.
- (19:35) R. Kelly's Mom was his dad?
- (21:15) Okay, looking it up, apparently Aaliyah's family refused to allow any of the songs she wrote to be used in the movie. So, if Alexandra Schipp sang any songs Aaliyah actually sang, it's just the covers. None of her big hits will be represented. Also, I want to know how they could get away with even making this movie with them in it if they disapproved of this movie so much.
- (23:50) I was not expecting for R. Kelly to not go for a kiss after this build-up.
- (26:00) And we've almost got R. Kelly kissing this 14-year-old girl. And to think that, five years after this was made, Lifetime would release Surviving R. Kelly and finally put the last nail in his career's coffin. And it's not like they had the excuse of not knowing. Especially after his big trial over the piss tape.
- (27:00) And Rashad disapproves of the 27-year-old R. Kelly romancing the 14-year-old Aaliyah, but doesn't mention that she's probably just left puberty at this point. Gee, I wonder why people thought this movie was romanticising the relationship between the two.
- (35:22) Reader, he married her. And to think that they're actually playing Aaliyah's parents like they were the bad guy in this situation. And they didn't even have all the information they had about her relationship with R. Kelly yet. Like how Kelly got his tour manager to help her lie about her age after she told him she was pregnant.
- (40:01) You know, you'd think they'd mention how much of a red flag Aaliyah's song "Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number" should have been.
- (43:33) It's not his vocal cords on the record, but it's his songs on Aaliyah's singing, except for maybe that one song that was originally an Isley Brothers song.
- (48:54) Nice to know that they have to explain who Timbaland and Missy Elliot are.
- (63:28) So, she's basically acting as Don Bluth's equivalent to Peabo Bryant.
- (67:50) This movie seems to have gotten a lot less interesting with R. Kelly out of the picture.
- (68:14) So, she's a cash cow as a singer. That doesn't mean it's going to translate to success as a film actress. Madonna's one of the most successful singers of all time, and I can count the number of movies she was any good in on one hand (and Evita's probably the only good movie she starred in). And there's over a dozen to choose from.
- (70:21) One of your favourite books is being adapted into a movie? Consider yourself lucky. Of my four favourite novels, one is legally forbidden from being adapted into a film, One is too philosophically dense to properly fit into a film, one was adapted into a film twice, but, subject matter aside, its true genius is in an unreliable narrator that's functionally impossible to portray on film with even Kubrick Himself failing, One is by an author so obscure that even many of my lit professors didn't know he existed until I told them about him, and Alas, the last one hasn't even attracted enough attention to be released outside of Lulu. At least that leaves Grendel.
- It's kind of disappointing that they focused more on her potential role in the Matrix sequels than her actual role in Queen of the Damned.
- (83:30) They're really hyping the video for "Rock the Boat" and how he's going to miss her in the Bahamas. I wonder if this means it's going to play a role in her eventual death...
- (86:27) So, this is really reminding me of the ending to American Sniper. It ends with Chris leaving to go on a hunting trip with a friend. I can remember watching it in the theaters and hearing someone in the audience yell "What?" in shock. Clint has the taste to not show him getting shot by a friend, but the footage of the funeral and that Ennio Morricone music turns it into a stately tribute to a complicated man. This movie seems to be going for the same thing, but it just cuts to some stock R&B music and dulls any impact this movie could have had.
Next Week, Lawnmower MAn 2: Beyond Cyberspace. And between now and next Sunday, I'll have to find a copy of the original.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.