This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse. I think I watched the first one two Shark Weeks ago, and I decided to look at the sequel now because I'm not sure if Tubi's supply of So Bad It's Horrible movies will last until this year's Shark Week.
- Wow. Their budget actually expanded beyond just that one tiny lake from the last movie. But not enough to buy the rights to a better looking T-Rex walk cycle.
- A lot of the guys are going to be looking at the bikini babe who's swimming, but I'm sure that if Huggy Bear watches this movie, he'll be ogling that sea snake.
- I don't know what model that Canon camera is, but somehow, either it doesn't shoot 4K or they spent a bizarrely high portion of the budget on this random prop.
- Oh yeah, I can totally believe that the guy with the obviously affected Sea Dog voice, unlit pipe, and a hat I'm almost certain he bought at a Yacht Rock Revue concert really runs this marina.
- So, these special agents are babysitting a fucking shark?
- And it's nice to see Yacht Rock Revue Guy back in the movie, even if it is to be kind of cavalier about the potential Jaws situation on his hand.
- That shark looks like Timothy Spall reincarnated as a shark.
- Wow. That girl's just balancing a bunch of pebbles on her ass.
- You know, dude, you might actually get some better shots if you actually got the ladies you shoot to agree with you. Like this guy.
Honestly, if I actually believed in God, I'd say this guy was doing His work. - Wait, this is the same body of water from the original? Seriously? That was, like, a pond, and this time, it's a larger body of water.
- Are these two plots going to actually intersect? It's been a third of the way and I can barely see any sign of them intersecting. I mean, technically, there's these two guys looking to strike it rich by finding the stolen painting from the last movie, which happened to include a giant shark, and these two secret agents trying to track what may or may not be that same giant shark.
- My god, someone put a red filter on that underwater shot!
- Okay, these scenes of life on the oil rig are annoying enough that I found myself waiting for a runaway pipe. And looking for some video that explained what exactly happened to Jan in Breaking the Waves to render him quadraplegic. And the only videos I could find of that scene are either full movie uploads or slightly cut uploads dubbed into Russian.
- Shifts are days long on this marina? And conditions are evidently bad enough that the sight of a shark fin will make people jump into the water, even if they own it.
- I would say something like "if you're dead, can I take your Yacht Rock Revue hat?" but it looks like they'll open for Kenny Loggins at next year's Ravinia Festival, and I'll probably get mine then.
- You know, funny thing is I just watched Nope last night, and now I find myself wishing the secret agents looking to kill the shark had the idea of feeding it a giant balloon. Then again, I suspect that the shark in this movie is likely a little smarter than Jean Jacket.
- That blood is totally believable and totally isn't just placed on that guy's arm and that plastic sword.
- Sharks can smell blood, but somehow, I get the impression that has to be in the water for them to smell it.
- Is that a slow, moody instrumental cover of "It's a Shpadoinkle Day"?
- Actually, some sharks do lay eggs. And they look more like creepy looking luggage tags than anything else.
- And way to ruin the tension with an obvious stock music sting that I've heard in a couple hundred YouTube videos:
Then again, Gordy's massacre in Nope had the one set of stock monkey noises I've heard a billion times before. - So, they didn't even bother to include the guys from the marina in the second half of the movie.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.