This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Creepozoids. It's one of the first films by David DeCoteau, and evidently one of his worst. It's a ripoff of Aliens that's half the length of the original. And it still feels longer.
- People eking out a miserable existence in city ruins after a nuclear exachange devastates the planet. Somehow, this might make it one of the more realistic post-apocalyptic films.
- Huh. They've been together for years and they don't know shit about his bursitis. Or how it's sensitive to the acid rain mentioned in the opening.
- Also, what was the opening doing in this movie? It was just a woman putting stuff away in a lab before she got menaced by something from a Hartnell-era Dr. Who episode.
- Crap, it's just going to be one of those movies where everybody just dicks around for over an hour, isn't it?
- At least the music's pretty cool.
And apparently, he did the music for a bunch of Nickoons, most notably Fairly Oddparents. - And these two people are apparently fucking now. Why not?
- New LA?
- Goddammit, why keep showing us these diary entries if they're not even going to be on the screen long enough to read them?
- So the guy got killed by having the alien poke his finger down his throat?
- Let's shag it? That's a very strange euphemism for "Get a Move on," Bruce.
- And looking up more of Guy Moon's score, which might be the first time I've watched a film for the Project whose score I liked enough to potentially listen to on its own, I found out that, unfortunately, it seems to only be available as a Record Store Day 2019 limited edition with less than 1000 copies between three colours of vinyl [orange, translucent green, and peppermint swirl].
- I've had characters in stories I've wrote randomly start spitting up blood, but even then it was less random there than in this movie.
- He hasn't been gone that long, it just feels like it's been that long. Don't you love it when a movie practically reviews itself ?
- Rodents of unusual size? I've included them in stories as well. Mine didn't really attack people, just took cocaine.
- Can I ask why this woman's so obsessed with the mouse's protein count?
- Don't worry about getting executed for desertion, guys. America's done that exactly once since the Civil War.
- I can only assume that they're only shooting the creatures with low light because they'd look too silly if we actually got a good look at them.
- Okay, so that guy's spitting out motor oil. Why not?
- And now there's a baby alien with a human face. Why not? Seriously, it's like he wanted to make Eraserhead, but the studio insisted they just make it an Aliens ripoff.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.