This week in the Deep Hurting Project, Carnage: The Legend of Quiltface.
- So, you watch Me and Earl and the Dying Girl and remember the stupid movie titles Greg and Earl come up with? "The Legend of Quiltface" sounds like it's supposed to be one of those titles.
- Okay, they're just randomly driving into the desert to do something. Apparently, the sight of a bunker with just a door and a single wall visible is supposed to be a panty-dropper.
- No, Quiltface, you're supposed to be chopping people with that machete, not hitting them!
- Is it weird that I expected that two-note alarm to turn into "Fur Elise"?
- If there's one thing I hate about these VHS-shot movies, it's how non-existent the sound mixing is. Any fucking possible sound that can compete with the dialogue will. And because the sort of directors who shoot on VHS tend to not be into visual storytelling (Cecilia Condit is the sole exception I know of), we're basically just missing out on a chunk of story.
- So, nerdy dude with nothing to offer a woman? Maybe a dakimakura is for you.
- Toothly challenged? That's not a phrase that even applies to buck teeth. That's too much tooth, and not too little.
- Are they implying that the redneck who's driving them to the desert was a witness to the Roswell incident? He'd have to be at his mid-50s at the youngest.
- Is Quiltface even going to do anything?
- Why is there a Ferris Wheel with milk jugs?
- Hypothesis: the director decided to troll the audience by making them think they were in for a Texas Chain Saw Massacre ripoff, but instead, he gave them a ripoff of Gerry.
- Is this their project? Just posing in front of these random artifacts that are probably of the Atomic Age?
- Why is The Dude a serial killer now?
- So, it's been donkeys since I've seen TCSM, was Leatherface basically a dog, personality-wise? I know he was mentally challenged, but this killer here acts like a dog.
- And they're aware how little Quiltface's face actually looks like a quilt.
- How fitting; after just barely hitting other people with his machete, Quiltface gets killed by also just barely getting hit by a machete.
- That dude has a bizarrely nonchalant attitude towards one of the people he drove to the desert coming in sobbing and covered in blood.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.