Live from Montreal (because my choices for Canadian VPNs were limited to Vancouver, Montreal, and Toronto), The Deep Hurting Project covers one more Uwe Boll movie: House of the Dead, one of those movies that occasionally appeared on streaming, but never long enough for me to actually catch them. Until now.
- Well, at least the expository voice-over isn't done by Boll. And I'm digging the off-brand Prodigy music and the footage of the original game playing over the opening credits.
- Evidently, Jonathan Cherry thinks he's Sebastian (the narrator from Fight Club.)
- Sega! They're going to totally love this product placement
- Jurgen Prochnow? Is this what Der Alte was reduced to after the war? Slumming it in Central America?
- Whoever these cops are supposed to be, they're evidently really incompetent.
- This could just be me, but cooking while topless does not seem like a wise idea.
- Isla del Morte? I've never taken a Spanish class in my life and even I know that that's shit grammar.
- Go pee on the bushes. Or on me. Unless the MPAA doesn't approve.
- Why does Ahsoka live on this island?
- Twilight of the Dead? Funny thing is, it's only just now being made, with Brad "The Machinist" Anderson directing.
- Dude looks surprisingly good for someone who's spent hours trapped in a capsized Portapotty.
- How the fuck did only one person get sprayed with zombie juice?
- Sermano? That's a Spanish name?
- Wait, did they use footage from the actual game for this battle?
- This has to be the most overuse of the Bullet Time effect I've ever seen in a movie.
- Well, at least it has something on the battle from Alone in the Dark: At least we can actually see the fucking thing.
- You don't look like the Elephant Man to me.
- Huh. Evidently, gunpowder can last for over half a millennium.
- I feel like I would just be better served watching a Let's Play of the original game than watching this movie.
Okay, maybe another one, since the original game is evidently so short:
Maybe one for HotD2:
- Why did you try to become immortal? So you can live forever. That makes so much sense.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.