How can you explain the miracle of the Holy Fire?

[Succubus]

So, we have orthodox priests playing with phosphorus, and contradictory stories about some column.  Where's the miracle again?

No, silly. An engineer filled the priests crack with phosphorus which immediately self ignited and the resulting conflagration buckled the columns causing the roof to collapse into the sacristy and detonating the gunpowder stored under the alter.
The amazing part? No one in the party of Japanese tourists were injured. A fucking miracle I tell you.