Hello, New atheist having a meltdown

[Dragonfly]

I just came to this realization tonight, and I feel absolutely devastated and lost. I'm a 50-year-old woman who's spent her life making choices based on religion. There is no God to comfort me, guide me, protect me, or intervene in my life. There is no Heaven. I will never see my family, friends, or pets again once they/I die. My entire schema for living has fallen apart. I feel devastated and terrified.  

If you have any guidance, please help me. 

thanks,

dragonfly

Goodness, you certainly do sound you need to talk this out. I'm in the same category as your boyfriend so I can't intuit what you're going through but as you've already seen, there are others here who have gone through the deconversion thing. I hope you find what you need here.

Yes, I'm doing what I can. Went to a Skeptics meetup last night and talked with the host, who gave me the name of someone who was a fundamentalist who became an Atheist and can hopefully help me through this. Then tonight, we had dinner with an Atheist couple, one of whom had been Mormon. His process was more gradual, but he still experienced some of the same things. They gave me some support and insight. I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow. Unfortunately, she's not a secular therapist, but maybe she can still help me with support for an existential crisis. 

So I'll keep working at it. Glad I found you guys. Thanks for your support.