Open to explore possibility

[R00tKiT]

I don't take kindly to being told what it is I am experiencing. My existential anguish is a result of my indoctrination into a religious cult that gave me the illusion of absolute certainty in exchange for my constant guilt and unflinching obedience.

I don't take kindly to insulting religious people either. Being religious is not synonymous to constant guilt, you can easily find solid studies in the internet about religious people actually being happier in general.

What's more, I am not sure you're thinking about this the right way. The truth of a religious cult and the existence of God are really two different things. You say you discovered that your former religion is simply false, now it's a stretch to reject to existence of any deity outright, which seems to be your position currently.

The thing I am suffering from right now is that my mental and emotional growth has been stunted by God-fearing men, like you, who would rather have me enslave myself to a lie than to truly know myself.

That's another horrendous insult to every religious person around the world. There is no shortage of religious people who lived fullfilling emotional lives and had highly successful careers in something. Religion, after all,concerns itself with metaphysical issues, for which it's irrelevant whether you "know youself" pretty well or not. Nobody can rule out the existence of the tiniest conception of any deity so far. And very sophisticated people were induced by fear, not religion, to believe in some deity. Maybe religion actually does them a favor and tells them that the God who reveals himself through their respective scriptures won't punish anyone for not getting the right answer, as long as they are honest. So, fear has no role to play here whatsoever, for those who understand the content of their reliigon, at least.

So, take a deep breath, you're just throwing insults to believers, left and right.

I don't think happiness is the ultimate goal. We'll call it fulfillment. I would rather go through this pain, teaching myself how to see, how to trust my inner guide, and struggle and stumble than plaster on a fake smile while withering under the demanding, gluttonous dominance of an invisible entity.

I'll repeat it again: the existence of what you refer to as "invisbile entity", and the truth value of your former religious cult, are two separate issues. It's common to read about people who revolt against God simply because their particular religion, among other beliefs, turned out to be false.

Any being that would accept my manipulative lies as "good enough" for heaven automatically abandons the virtuous position. And the smile I would wear while adhering to a repressive religion would indeed be fake.

Such a being is actually just enough not to punish you for being a victim of a manipulative lie, that's why you might go to heaven, not because you chose to stick to a lie. And, you know, it's quite arrogant to think your position is more virtuous than God's.