So, a guy is playing golf and Satan appears, offering to give him whatever he wants. The guy begs off, saying that he has everything he wants. Satan can't believe it! "Look, son, I can get you ANYTHING, even all the sex you want!". The guy continues to demur. Satan says, "You can't possibly not want any sex?! How often do you get laid, anyway?". The guy responds, "Twice a week, on average.". Satan says, "That's shit, man!", to which the guy replies,"That's not bad at all for a priest in a small town.".
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.