An Interesting Commentary on Gaslighting Women

[Shell B]

[thesummerqueen]

I've been thinking about this since I read it this morning.

I'm not going to argue that it definitely happens to women - it's happened to me - intentionally and unintentionally. And I won't argue that it happens to men as well.

But I was skimming through some literature and websites a couple weeks ago that a woman had sent me pertaining to feminism (supposedly...I didn't read it very closely because I was busy and not really interested) and I notice that there's definitely an encouragement in some female corners (particularly those linked with New Agey things) to identify heavily as emotional beings. We're supposed to be better at sorting out e-motions. There's that stereotype, you know? Men are the thinkers, women are the feelers, or however you want to state it.

I put up a facebook status some weeks ago bitching because I wanted people to know that men are just as capable of getting into emotional snits, playing passive aggressive and giving the silent treatment, and acting irrationally as we say women are.

So I wonder...how much of this happens because people are genuinely manipulative, and how much because people do it accidentally...and how much because we encourage the idea that men can't be emotional and women can't be rational?

[Shell B]

The very short of it is definitely that we are pigeonholed by group thinking and behavior. I think repression of emotions is as damaging to men as mockery of emotions is to women.

[reverendjeremiah]

And where is the disconnect...the border...between actual gaslighting and a woman who is over reacting?

[frankiej]

I'll admit that I have told women that they are overreacting, not to manipulate them, but to tell them that I genuinely think they are overreacting.

Although, whenever someone raises their voice I'll say they are overreacting. Calmness is a fantastic weapon against the infuriated.

[thesummerqueen]

Yeah...that gets me too. Because I know I've been able to stop when something is truly bothering me and create a cogent argument for why something is wrong. But I've flown into hysterics too, admittedly.

[downbeatplumb]

This thread is not about women lighting their farts then.

Colour me disappointed.

[Shell B]

The disconnect is obviously between overreacting and not overreacting. You walk in on a guy fucking someone else -- yelling is not an overreaction. Guy is ten minutes late for dinner -- yelling is an overreaction. Often, you will find gaslighting occurs in the former scenario. I guess you could also say if someone has an agenda, as he did, it is gaslighting.

[frankiej]

I would agree that yelling because your fella was boning someone else is not an overreaction... To be honest, in that situation there isn't actually an argument to be had, the dude is in the wrong and should just be booted out... Simple.

[Cinjin]

Although I agree with summerqueen whole-heartedly, men are indeed capable of regular emotional snits (as I have several acquaintances that are far worse than many females I know), I actually think that men are far better at dealing with their emotions than women are. This of course is not a hard fast rule, as no such thing exists, but it seems to be the norm.

For example, if a man is emotionally upset (crying, yelling, sobbing, depressed) and you ask him what is wrong, often, he knows and is capable of telling you exactly what is wrong. In comparison, I have often times asked a woman what is bothering her and will often times get the answer with a sob, "I don't know," or "I'm not sure."

This regular occurrence tells me that although women are more emotional and more empathetic than men are, men seem to be better suited to dealing with the emotions they have. Another example of men being better suited to contemplate and understand their emotions is their uncanny ability to write music, poetry, love-songs, and the like. Many of the most beautiful and emotional moving pieces of art in this world have been and are still created by men. This would not be possible if men did not analyze and have some real understanding of the emotions they feel.

The truth is, I think the assignments of emotional baggage given to men and women are often wrong. Yes, the majority of women seem given to acting more emotionally to any given situation than a man might, but I don't for moment think that this is a universal law nor do I think that just because you're a man (or a woman) that you personally have an upper hand on how you deal with emotions or the gaslighting of those emotions.