My journey out of hell.
April 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm
(This post was last modified: April 5, 2012 at 6:19 pm by Poetess.)
Hi, all. I'm new .... I thought I'd share my experience with life and religion.
First off, I was raised mainly by my mother, of which should not have ever had children. My mother never acted highly religious, but she'd always mix her facts, such as: nothing of you exists when you die; you're gone - you don't exist spirit-wise, but we didn't come to exist by evolution, and our ancestors were Adam and Eve - but doesn't seem to believe in God (figure that one out). My father's side is Lutheran (my father's mother's side actually has a long line of Lutheran ministers, apparently - according to my genealogy), and my mother's is a mix of Baptist and Methodist - I was baptised Lutheran as a baby.
I had a challenging childhood, to say the least. I started suffering through abuse by a step parent, which went on for several years. I remember so many times I wished there was a God; someone to save me. No-one really ever did.
By the time I was around 11/12-years-old, I met a girl at school; she invited me to her church - which was a small, Pentecostal fellowship. I started going often to get away from home, and I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere. By dress and hair, it looked Amish, nearly. After so long, I started noticing hatred and intolerance of so many minorities, and started to see how blindly following and cult-like it started seeming. I started going to that friend's house instead, and her father was worse than the church; he turned into another abuser, but he started using twisted religion, conspiracy theories and manipulation to scare me, keep me quiet and make me feel like I needed him to make it; it all scarred and terrified me so much. I gave up hope of everything, and feared EVERYTHING.
For so much of my life, I have lived in fear of a person, or even more, something seared into my mind about something religious or etc. So many times that I thought: 'No, this doesn't all add up!' Soon after, I'd always think in fear: 'No, I can't think this. It's a trick. They all said this is Satan fooling me, and I will go to hell. Stop thinking this'. It all haunted me for so long. What it seems like to me is, this is set up to scare people into behaving how was thought to be "proper" - a scare tactic.
It's taken awhile, but I have come out of my shell.
I have one question: If there is an all-loving God, that wants no judgements, hatred and harm to come to anyone, why is it all fed with threats or fear? The minorities of women being second-rate, homosexuals and transgender being sinners and/or going to hell? I don't believe an all-loving God would see any of his children that way. Or want anyone to struggle mentally or physically how I and many have.
First off, I was raised mainly by my mother, of which should not have ever had children. My mother never acted highly religious, but she'd always mix her facts, such as: nothing of you exists when you die; you're gone - you don't exist spirit-wise, but we didn't come to exist by evolution, and our ancestors were Adam and Eve - but doesn't seem to believe in God (figure that one out). My father's side is Lutheran (my father's mother's side actually has a long line of Lutheran ministers, apparently - according to my genealogy), and my mother's is a mix of Baptist and Methodist - I was baptised Lutheran as a baby.
I had a challenging childhood, to say the least. I started suffering through abuse by a step parent, which went on for several years. I remember so many times I wished there was a God; someone to save me. No-one really ever did.
By the time I was around 11/12-years-old, I met a girl at school; she invited me to her church - which was a small, Pentecostal fellowship. I started going often to get away from home, and I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere. By dress and hair, it looked Amish, nearly. After so long, I started noticing hatred and intolerance of so many minorities, and started to see how blindly following and cult-like it started seeming. I started going to that friend's house instead, and her father was worse than the church; he turned into another abuser, but he started using twisted religion, conspiracy theories and manipulation to scare me, keep me quiet and make me feel like I needed him to make it; it all scarred and terrified me so much. I gave up hope of everything, and feared EVERYTHING.
For so much of my life, I have lived in fear of a person, or even more, something seared into my mind about something religious or etc. So many times that I thought: 'No, this doesn't all add up!' Soon after, I'd always think in fear: 'No, I can't think this. It's a trick. They all said this is Satan fooling me, and I will go to hell. Stop thinking this'. It all haunted me for so long. What it seems like to me is, this is set up to scare people into behaving how was thought to be "proper" - a scare tactic.
It's taken awhile, but I have come out of my shell.
I have one question: If there is an all-loving God, that wants no judgements, hatred and harm to come to anyone, why is it all fed with threats or fear? The minorities of women being second-rate, homosexuals and transgender being sinners and/or going to hell? I don't believe an all-loving God would see any of his children that way. Or want anyone to struggle mentally or physically how I and many have.
Your deconversion seems like a really painful process, but most people here are quite friendly, and hopefully we can give you a place to belong and ask questions in a hostility-free environment. Welcome, and best of luck.
![[Image: Evolution.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FPublic%2FEvolution.png)
