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Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 4:29 pm
by the immortal Emo Philips (either of him):
![[Image: meMyself.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.emophilips.com%2Fimages%2Fuploads%2FmeMyself.jpg)
Quote:My Coleslaw Recipe
1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find wallet.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Buy stupid raisins.
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious coleslaw you want from a nice deli.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Raisins in coleslaw? Really..?
When I was young, there was a god with infinite power protecting me. Is there anyone else who felt that way? And was sure about it? but the first time I fell in love, I was thrown down - or maybe I broke free - and I bade farewell to God and became human. Now I don't have God's protection, and I walk on the ground without wings, but I don't regret this hardship. I want to live as a person. -Arina Tanemura
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm
That's the craziest part you picked up on in that lot? Raisins?
(I do see what you mean, though. Mind, this is Emo Philips we're talking about; the walking, talking version of my crazy brain...)
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Just say no to raisins in slaw. 
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm
(This post was last modified: August 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm by Rev. Rye.)
Aww, where's the mouse head? Or is that routine unconnected to this one?
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
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I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm
More than likely. The guy's output over his entire career is what the word "prodigious" was invented for.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm
(August 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm)Stimbo Wrote: That's the craziest part you picked up on in that lot? Raisins?
Yup! 
When I was young, there was a god with infinite power protecting me. Is there anyone else who felt that way? And was sure about it? but the first time I fell in love, I was thrown down - or maybe I broke free - and I bade farewell to God and became human. Now I don't have God's protection, and I walk on the ground without wings, but I don't regret this hardship. I want to live as a person. -Arina Tanemura
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 7:02 pm
(August 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm)Kayenneh Wrote: (August 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm)Stimbo Wrote: That's the craziest part you picked up on in that lot? Raisins?
Yup!
It is the first I've heard of raisins in coleslaw to be fair.
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 7:11 pm
(This post was last modified: August 26, 2012 at 7:30 pm by Oldandeasilyconfused.)
(August 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm)Kayenneh Wrote: Raisins in coleslaw? Really..?
-and/or apple.
---and the carrot should be grated.The mayo home made,with extra virgin olive oil, an egg,a little balsamic vinegar, salt,pepper.
Sorry,I actually cook. 
PS I like using red cabbage.
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RE: Recipe for perfect coleslaw
August 26, 2012 at 7:11 pm
I'm a Waldorf Salad man myself, though I am partial to a nice potato salad (with bacon - yum). ASDA does a nice sweet and juicy beetroot salad as well. (I'm on commission every time I promote their little corner grocer's shops. They just don't know that yet.)
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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