All Hail You

[Rahul]

I would probably be bored, so to entertain myself I would just troll humanity by giving them conflicting and incomplete information. I'd put them in the impossible dilemma of having to answer correctly a question that cannot be answered, or be well and truly screwed if they get it wrong. Of course, there wouldn't be a right answer, but I wouldn't tell them that.

Maybe I'd watch them wipe each other out on the basis of this fiction and chuckle, knowing that there's always more people where those came from. Sometimes I'd feel bad for doing all this, so I'd throw them a bone with some good information for a change. But on average I'd give people more power than sense, and laugh hysterically every time it predictably goes off the rails.

Every now and then I'd chuck some giant rocks at the earth for lulz, or wipe out 90% of everything in some other fashion. Just to mix it up and keep it fresh.

So in other words, you wouldn't change anything.

[Godscreated]

Some of you sound like what you accuse God of doing, strange very strange indeed. Most said they would reveal themselves, how in the world do you think people would react, if you do not want to be worshiped then you couldn't reveal yourselves. Someone was saying they would do so much for people IMO would make them robots and mandatory education some would call you a tyrant. Keep up the good work and watch people reject you no matter what you do, with humans it is a no win situation.

[Rahul]

Keep up the good work and watch people reject you no matter what you do, with humans it is a no win situation.

Well of course. You exemplify that. No win situation.

[Faith No More]

Some of you sound like what you accuse God of doing, strange very strange indeed.

You are confusing accusations of god being malicious and accusations of you clinging to sadistic delusions.

[Doubting Thomas]

OK, I had time to think about this some more, and here's what I'd do if I suddenly found myself in the position of God.

First off, I'll get rid of all religions by telling people that the only religion you need to follow are these two commandments:

1. Do no harm to anyone.
2. Treat everyone else as you want to be treated.

On the face of it they sound a bit redundant, but the "do no harm" means that you can live your life the way you want as long as you don't cause any harm to anyone, while the "treat everyone" commandment means basically "don't be a dick."

I would inform everyone around the world that from now on, anyone who attempts to harm someone else maliciously will feel the same pain (physical or emotional) that they inflict upon others. If someone murders someone else, they will die as a result. If someone attempts to terrorize others with fear, they will feel the same fear as a result. Don't ignore the first commandment.

I would set up a website on a server with infinite storage and bandwidth capacity (since it's going to be used a lot) where anyone can get any answer to any question they might have. I'll call it askgod.com. Instead of praying or waiting for me to reveal this or that to humanity, it will be instantly available. Thus, knowledge will be increased and best of all it will be completely free. At first glance this might signify the end of schools and colleges, but there will still be a need for someone to train others for specific employment fields and to teach children the basics. This website will be really handy at settling bar bets and will end claims of "But God says..." Unfortunately it would ruin a lot of magic tricks, but that's a small price to pay.

I'd still walk among the people and would be appreciative of their gratitude and love, but I wouldn't want them to worship me on a weekly basis. Maybe if they bought me a beer once in a while we'd be good (even though I could just poof beer into existence).

I know this still wouldn't be a perfect world but it would be a lot better than the world is now.

[Rahul]

I would set up a website on a server with infinite storage and bandwidth capacity (since it's going to be used a lot) where anyone can get any answer to any question they might have. I'll call it askgod.com. Instead of praying or waiting for me to reveal this or that to humanity, it will be instantly available. Thus, knowledge will be increased and best of all it will be completely free. At first glance this might signify the end of schools and colleges, but there will still be a need for someone to train others for specific employment fields and to teach children the basics. This website will be really handy at settling bar bets and will end claims of "But God says..." Unfortunately it would ruin a lot of magic tricks, but that's a small price to pay.

http://www.askgod.com

How can I get in the girl's pants that lives down the hall from me in 3G?

I'm going to the horse races. Which horses should I bet on to have a 100% winning streak?

What will be the winning numbers of Power Ball this week?

Are any of my coworkers having affairs on their spouses?

What does my girlfriend really think of my penis size? Does she have some donkey dicked ex?

What do my coworkers really think of me?

How do I build a warp drive?

Which stock should I invest in to maximize my profits?

What are all the words, in order, that will be in the next best selling novel?

Will I die from cancer, a car wreck, etc. Which one? Exactly when?

Is my father really my father or is mom a tramp?

[Zarith]

Some of you sound like what you accuse God of doing, strange very strange indeed.

Did it ever occur to you that this is no accident? Once you clear this mental hurdle, you should ask yourself, what is the point the poster is trying to make?

[Doubting Thomas]

Godschild often has the point go way over his head.

[Doubting Thomas]

Answers from askgod.com.

How can I get in the girl's pants that lives down the hall from me in 3G?

The girl in 3G is way out of your league and will never sleep with you.

I'm going to the horse races. Which horses should I bet on to have a 100% winning streak?

Due to everyone also asking this question bets are no longer being taken. The Mob is smarter than that.

What will be the winning numbers of Power Ball this week?

2, 17, 22, 25, and 30. However, 100 million other people also asked this question so you will win approximately $0.25.

Are any of my coworkers having affairs on their spouses?

Yes.

What does my girlfriend really think of my penis size? Does she have some donkey dicked ex?

She thinks it's "cute." Her ex only thinks he's hung like a donkey.

What do my coworkers really think of me?

There's a reason they "forgot" to invite you to the office Christmas party.

How do I build a warp drive?

You've been watching too much Star Trek. First try legos.

Which stock should I invest in to maximize my profits?

EF Hutton says...

What are all the words, in order, that will be in the next best selling novel?

It starts with "It was a dark and stormy night." After that you have to figure it out. This is askgod.com, not domyworkforme.com. And if I were to spell it out here and you tried to publish it, you'd be sued for plagiarism.

Will I die from cancer, a car wreck, etc. Which one? Exactly when?

Be very careful when practicing autoerotic asphyxiation. Just sayin'.

Is my father really my father or is mom a tramp?

Just be glad you don't bark, if you know what I mean.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Recognition from people you have a modicum of respect for can reasonably be appreciated. Recognition from ants is a ridiculous thing to care about and we're barely different from ants if compared to an omniscient and omnipotent being.

That's an argument I frequently make when critics bitch because god killed people.

If the ants on my patio marched in a pattern spelling out John V Rocks, yeah, they'd have a better chance of surviving.

That sounds like the behavior of a megalomaniacal psychopath, you know that right?