Problems with the theory of evolution.

[Kayenneh]

Why did this have to be the first thread I read after waking up? So much derp!

The ancient one stirs. It is time. Cthulhu is awakening! He rises to the surface, ready to feed. But lo! what meets his eye, a hurrdurr thread!
"Fuck this shit, I'm going back to sleep", says Cthulhu".

[Jackalope]

Why did this have to be the first thread I read after waking up? So much derp!

The ancient one stirs. It is time. Cthulhu is awakening! He rises to the surface, ready to feed. But lo! what meets his eye, a hurrdurr thread!
"Fuck this shit, I'm going back to sleep", says Cthulhu".

It's pretty amazing that a Great Old One can be foiled by something as simple as human stupidity if you think about it.

[Cyberman]

I'm ever so glad this isn't in the Intro section.
Sorry, but I'm not buying this for a second. Obvious poe is obvious. There are far too many "sounds silly", "doesn't make much sense to me", "whatever that means", "lol" etc for this to be anything other than a distillation of stereotype creationists - a YEC smoothie, if you will - and not a very good one. Whatever you allegedly find inconsistencies with, it certainly isn't evolution.

However, that doesn't mean we can't have fun with you. Everyone else has had a go so I'm going to play too.

I'm a young earth creationist. I believe that God created the earth approximately 5,000-6,000 years ago, and there is a good reason for this belief.

Shame you never mention this again. I'd rather like the whole class to hear your good reason.

During a supernova, when a massive star explodes at the end of its life, the resulting high energy environment enables the creation of some of the heaviest elements including iron and nickel. The explosion also disperses the different elements across the universe, scattering the stardust which now makes up planets including Earth. Any element heavier than hydrogen is ultimately a product of the nuclear fusion that takes place within stars.

So apparently we are living beings that evolved from lifeless materials.

Yes, because you can totally reach that conclusion from what you quoted. Well, you've convinced me.

It doesn't make much sense to me because last weekend I was sitting by a lake pondering God's marvelous creation when I picked up a rock and stared at it. It suddenly dawned on me that if that very rock was 4.6 billion years old like athiest scientists say it is, then rocks would have evolved into intelligent creatures also. If evolution really was true and we all evolved from lifeless materials over 4.6 billion years, then that rock should also be a mammal or an insect or something by now.

Funny you should say that. I was sitting by a lake the other day, an iced drink in my hand and pondering how some idiots want to look at the world and imagine they see a god in it. Suddenly it dawned on me that if the Earth was really 4.6 billion years old and the laws of thermodynamics were true, then all the water in the world should be ice like in my drink. But there it is, still liquid. Then I went and sat out of the sun until I felt better.

But there it was, still a useless rock, just sitting there. No brain, no self-awareness. Nothing.

... Nah, too easy.

Now here's what I'm getting at... atheist scientists say that life evolved around 3 billion years ago, so this would mean that human beings alone (excluding animals) would have consumed 9.5 times the amount of water on this planet. This is obviously impossible, because if this were true our oceans would be completely drained by now. So how do we still have large amounts of unused water?

Even granting your ridiculous calculations, your interpretation of them relies on humans drinking water three billion years ago. Raise your hand if you can spot the deliberate mistake. Anyone?

One more quick thing. If there is no oxygen in space, then how does the sun keep burning? We all know that fire needs oxygen to keep burning.

The exact same way that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got flattened.

I'm disappointed. You left out my favourite one, about why do we still have monkeys. But then that would have referenced evolution and spoiled your act. I'm going to do a Simon Cowell and tell you how shit I think you are. Maybe come back with better material.

---

Ok guys, let's make a pool: Is she a hit and run, or will she come back? And in case she comes back, will she whine about how mean atheists are or will she continue to troll? Place your bets, place your bets! The winner gets 1000 Internets!

I wager four hundred quatloos on the newcomer.

[Jackalope]

One more quick thing. If there is no oxygen in space, then how does the sun keep burning? We all know that fire needs oxygen to keep burning.

The exact same way that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got flattened.

Well, not exactly, seeing how those bombs used fission, not fusion.

[Psykhronic]

I was going to comment on the part about "HOW COME THIS ROCK HASN'T EVOLVED IF IT'S 4.6 BILLION YEARS OLD", since it's pretty obvious inorganic chemistry and unsubstantiated claims (that rock was not dated, you have no clue how old it is/was) are lost on this one, but as everyone stated - this is clearly a poe or a complete fucking idiot and neither is worth any of our time.

[Cyberman]

The exact same way that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got flattened.

Well, not exactly, seeing how those bombs used fission, not fusion.

I defer to the honorable gentleman and corrected my flawed impression. That's the secret right there - admit your errors and learn from them.

[Minimalist]

It doesn't make much sense to me because last weekend I was sitting by a lake pondering God's marvelous creation when I picked up a rock and stared at it. It suddenly dawned on me that if that very rock was 4.6 billion years old like athiest scientists say it is, then rocks would have evolved into intelligent creatures also.

Thank you for a glowing example of the Argument from Personal Incredulity. I'd welcome you but I don't think you'll be around long. I'd say put down your bible and read Richard Dawkins "The Greatest Show on Earth." That might help you overcome your deficient knowledge of evolution but my guess is that you have no desire to do so.

Be happy in your delusions.

Have a nice life.

[CleanShavenJesus]

Ladies and gentlemen, nothing to see here. Please do not feed the troll.

[Kayenneh]

Ladies and gentlemen, nothing to see here. Please do not feed the troll.

Not only a little? Because here comes the choo-choo train, open wide! I want to feed this fugly with green gunk until it explodes!

[Esquilax]

You know guys, though part of me wanted to say troll too, I didn't immediately go there, because if you think about it, many of us probably know someone who would say a few of these things unironically. Given how much we shake our heads sadly at childhood indoctrination and such, I'd be surprised if this was entirely out of our sphere of experience.

I was talking to Luckie about it earlier this morning, and she was pretty convinced the OP was sincere, based on the fact that at one point in her own education all she had were those same strawmen and religiously motivated shards of misinformation to go off of. And she grew out of it.

Ask yourselves: do we really want to scare off a theist that would be this much fun?