Men Women Sex and Temptation

[Cinjin]

Here are the short stats - please feel free to share yours as well.

I'm late 30's
Married 8 years - (1st marriage)
1 Child, my son

Before I was married I had many sexual partners. What can I say, I'm not a D-bag sheep who thinks an invisible man in the sky is judging me for doing what nature has instructed me to do.

That being said, I've been a musician for much of my life and although I've never cheated on my wife, I've had ample opportunity to do so.
Recently, I had this wonderful conversation with a woman who engaged me on every level. I was stimulated in every way a person has the ability to be stimulated. This woman is not my wife. You can probably already tell where I'm going with this.

[Minimalist]

[Cinjin]

As true as that poster is, it's not really just about sex though, ya know?


I don't know how to explain "spark."

[DeistPaladin]

As true as that poster is, it's not really just about sex though, ya know?


I don't know how to explain "spark."

Given what you've said of your history and what you said in this post, I wonder if the problem isn't with you or this other person but the relationship with your wife. Unexpressed and unresolved conflicts and resentments can build up and kill your sexual desires for your spouse. Love and lust are not the same but they are catalysts for one another. Resolving that conflict or tension or whatever in the relationship may renew that spark you have with your wife and therefore relieve any temptation to look for it elsewhere.

-Disclaimer: just an amateur psychology opinion of someone who doesn't know you personally or your situation in great detail. You may want to get professional counseling.

[Minimalist]

Or legal counseling because pussy is an expensive dish in a divorce court.

[Cinjin]

As true as that poster is, it's not really just about sex though, ya know?


I don't know how to explain "spark."

Given what you've said of your history and what you said in this post, I wonder if the problem isn't with you or this other person but the relationship with your wife. Unexpressed and unresolved conflicts and resentments can build up and kill your sexual desires for your spouse. Love and lust are not the same but they are catalysts for one another. Resolving that conflict or tension or whatever in the relationship may renew that spark you have with your wife and therefore relieve any temptation to look for it elsewhere.

-Disclaimer: just an amateur psychology opinion of someone who doesn't know you personally or your situation in great detail. You may want to get professional counseling.

Coming from you DP, it's likely good advice. It's also not that things are all that bad - things are just tired and boring. I think I miss the excitement of getting to know someone. I think it's more than the sex ... or should I say potential sex, since I have done nothing more than have a conversation.

Sometimes being human sucks. For me it's gotten to be an ever-present need to change things up in one way or another.

[Rahul]

Here are the short stats - please feel free to share yours as well.

I'm late 30's
Married 8 years - (1st marriage)
1 Child, my son

I'm late 30's
Married 10 years - (1st marriage)
2 Children, both my girls

Being attracted to women other than your wife, not only physically, but mentally is normal enough. My wife and I don't hold to unreasonable concepts that once you are married you suddenly don't find anyone else attractive ever again. So that's not the issue. You can look but don't touch is fine. Heck maybe a little casual PG-13 touching if everybody is ok with it. Anything more than that I don't have any experience with so can't help you there. Though the wife and I have discussed things when we've had a few occasionally.

The issue is that you find your relationship with your wife boring.

Now some of this might be the normal ups and downs of any relationship. My wife and I go through these times.

You're at 8 years married, pretty close to the "7 year itch" thing. So maybe that's just it. Plus you've been out of the new relationship game long enough that you're conveniently ignoring the annoying shit and mainly remembering the exciting parts. Humans do this with all memories as they become more distant.

Relationships suck a lot of the times. But the longer you're in one, the more you can learn and adapt to the person you're with.

Need to communicate more. Try new things. Branch out in your relationship together. Maybe involve a relationship professional if you two think it may help. But I wouldn't jump on that at first.

First just start discussing shit. Then get freaky with some lube and porn a few nights. Maybe join a kink group.

Imagination is your limit.

Just don't be a bastard. You know what I mean.

[Zen Badger]

How would you feel if your wife cheated on you?

[Something completely different]

I never found it hard to stick to my girlfriend.

Although I wuldn`t mind if they would have slept with other guys. In an open releationship kind of way.

[Faith No More]

It sounds to me like you miss the high you get from the early steps of a relationship, which is something all married couples have to deal with. Open communication is the key, and always make sure to discuss your feelings of boredom with your wife. That way you can both address them together, rather than you letting them fester and get the better of you later on.

Keeping a marriage going takes a lot more work than it appears it would. You have to work to keep each other interested in each other. It doesn't just happen on its own most of the time.