Embarrassing

[Bad Writer]

Post your embarrassing stories here!

Um...yeah, I'll start.

A few days ago I went to get a haircut on the Air Force Base where I work, and the sweetest little old lady called my number. I sat down in the chair, swiveled to face the mirror, and saw that she had the biggest smile on her face. "Now aren't you a handsome one," she stated loudly, running her wrinkly fingers through my hair.
"That's what they tell me," I replied, and I immediately shifted my eyes downward when I noticed in the mirror that the other patrons were glancing my way.
"Oh my," she gasped. I looked up worriedly. "You just have the thickest hair I've ever felt. It's so beautiful."
I felt myself blush. "Thank you, ma'am," was all I could say in reply.
Finally she asked, "How would you like your hair cut today?" I relayed the specifications to her and hoped for the process to be over quickly.
She went to work, carrying on about me the entire time. Never once did she ask any questions about me; instead, every comment was in reference to my looks, my voice, my eyes...I didn't even realize that with every passing comment I had shifted so lower and lower into my seat until the increasingly-inappropriate elderly stylist was forced to pump the seat an inch or two higher.
Finally, the moment that couldn't have arrived any sooner was upon me: my haircut was complete. We walked to the counter while the woman continued to articulate just how incredible I looked. I kept my eyes averted from the other patrons as I rummaged through my wallet for the appropriate amount plus tip.
The gratuity was certainly the tipping point. The woman's eyes began to glisten with tears of joy at the sight of my small generosity. "Th-thank you so, so much, young man," she choked out. "You were just so wonderful. I could kiss you for your kindness. Bless you. Have a blessed day." I nodded in thanks and slowly turned around to head out the door, even while she was still gushing over me.
That's when I saw it. To my dismay, almost half the Air Force tech school students from the class that I teach at night were there as well, waiting for their turn with this woman. None of them could keep a straight face, especially since the old lady at the counter was still carrying on rather loudly about me. If I had my wits about me, I could have quipped something like "Good luck" or "You're next" to the young Airmen. Unfortunately, my nerves were completely shot with this unending onslaught of mind-boggling praise.
My students, of course, are also now relentless in their attempts to make sure that I don't live this event down. I am at their mercy.
Until next time, kooky old lady.

[Minimalist]

That must have been some tip!

[Bad Writer]

That must have been some tip!

It was probably more than she usually got. These young airmen today don't grow up knowing how to tip properly, if at all.

[Raeven]

So how good looking ARE you, exactly?

[Bad Writer]

So how good looking ARE you, exactly?

---

---

One from a couple years ago.

EDIT: Computer camera, of course.

[Raeven]

Ok, you're pretty adorable. As an old lady myself, I can appreciate her welcoming an opportunity to run her fingers through your luscious, thick hair. My fingers aren't wrinkly yet, though.

And no way in hell after that I'm going to share an embarrassing moment of mine (of which there are many to choose!)!!!

[Fruity]

I told this on before here at the forums, but here it goes again.

It was my first day at work and I was ready to make the best first impression. I introduced myself around the office and was certain I nailed it. On my way to the car I came across some co-workers and I made sure to introduce myself and explain my role at the company. I nailed that too. I was extremely nervous but managed to behave as though I was confident. I walked myself to the car hardly breathing, since I was in panic mode by now. As I placed my purse and phone on the seat next to me while I was already in the car, I noticed it was brown, while my car was grey. I was in the wrong car. I thought I'd go back in and pretend I forgot something, and maybe nobody would notice, but as I got out one of the guys I introduced myself to asked me what I was doing in his car. He teased me for days lol and eventually became good friends.

[Raeven]

So... as I've mentioned elsewhere on this forum, I was a judge's assistant for a lot of years. Every morning, we'd go through the "All rise!" routine, where the bailiff would lead us out into the courtroom, bringing the attendees to order. Of course I always stood respectfully until we were invited to sit -- the bailiff would conclude his shpiel with, "Please be seated and come to order!" -- but while all that was going on, I was usually perusing my calendar, making sure I had my files in order, file stamps, exhibit stickers, etc. at the ready. In other words, I wasn't really paying attention.

This particular morning, we had a packed courtroom. We called the Master Calendar, the one that assigned all cases out for trial to the other judges, so all the attorneys and their clients were there. Additionally, we called a criminal calendar immediately after the Master Calendar, so all the in-custody folks were seated in the jury box at the ready, immediately adjacent to my work station.

The bailiff is doing his thing and finally I hear, "Please be seated..." So I sit. Only not really. I just felt my buttocks brush the edge of my chair as it slid out the reach of my ass (the chair was wheeled), so I collapsed in an ungainly heap on the floor instead. My judge peered over the side of his bench with a look that indicated it would be fine with him if I just carried on falling straight through the floor, never to be seen or heard from again.

The worst thing was, as I was trying to get up while gracefully keeping my knees together (no sense giving the in-custodies an impromptu thrill), my bailiff, attempting to come to my aid, grabbed me under the arms and started trying to haul me to my feet. He was a small man and I am 5' 9" tall, more Christina Hendricks than Calista Flockhart. So his effectiveness was nil. This ridiculous cabaret caused me to start laughing uncontrollably, so with all that going on, I was REALLY struggling to get back on my feet. Mission was finally accomplished, but I never, ever again took my seat in the courtroom until I literally TOOK MY SEAT by the fingers to make sure it was solidly under me before shifting my weight into a sitting position. Ugh, I still blush!

[max-greece]

From a post in a similar thread sometime ago. Generally it goes down as a winner in the most embarrassing stakes:

http://atheistforums.org/thread-19547-page-2.html

Dinner party. Our house. In laws. Mother in law, sister in law, both brother in laws plus my nephew who is a couple of years younger than my daughter (who was about 9 at the time). I cooked. It was a rather complex sea-food dish where all the components are cooked separately - then mixed into a tomato and basil sauce. This is then mixed with slightly undercooked spaghetti which absorbs the tomato sauce and, if it all goes well, is perfectly al-dente when served.

We had some starters and polite conversation but the kids got bored and wanted to go play so we let them. They went off to her room.

When the starters were done with I mixed the spaghetti with the sauce got it perfect (absolutely nailed it), decanted the lot onto a huge serving plate and placed it in the middle of the table.

We called the kids.

Turned out they weren't in her room but in ours and playing with....some unsuitable toys.

My first inkling of what had happened was when my daughter rounded the corner into the dining room wearing a somewhat odd nurses uniform. She was followed by a 7 year old blur who erupted over the table between his mother and father. He then slammed a vibrator onto his forehead with the words: "Mummy, mummy, look at me, I'm a rhinoceros!"

Then things got worse. Sadly slamming the vibrator onto his forehead like that started the vibrator, obviously something he was not expecting - so he instantly dropped it with an "ugh."

No prizes guessing where it landed. Right in the middle of the main course where it appeared to be attempting to dig its way through in front of a very startled audience.

Five hours that thing had taken me to make - no-one ate a thing. Apparently my comment; "Oh come on - its not like its going to make everything taste like fish" was not regarded as suitable.

[Bad Writer]

I wish I could give out Kudos more than once. That fish comment had me dying over here!