Atheism and forgiveness

[Rahul]

I've never really been able to hold a grudge. So I just let everything slide when someone does something messed up to me. It will cause me more harm to dwell on it than them.

I do, however, make sure they won't be able to hurt me again in the future.

I tend to be very laid back and easy going. Life is too short to be any other way in my opinion.

In a hundred years what will any of it matter?

[Tonus]

You forgive yourself and NEVER forget who hurt you and then LEARN and move on.

Pretty much this. But I would add-- be yourself. Figure out who you are, and go with that. The person you are at your core remains, with or without religious belief.

Christianity tells you that almost everything is black-and-white and that therefore you must follow a script from which you must not deviate on pain of incurring god's wrath. Once you step out from under that cloud, you must approach life's situations with the same logical mind that got you this far. It may seem scary, but remember also that now you are free to both determine what your best interests are, and to act in a manner that serves those interests. No more making decisions to appease someone who isn't there. Think about how nonsensical and counter-productive that is, and face the future with the understanding that what you think actually matters now.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

For me, when it comes to deciding whether to forgive someone it involves everything about them, not just what they did. Is this person a source of happiness or misery for me? Did they intend to cause me misery? Did they intend to cause me happiness when they did? If I come to the conclusion that there was no intent, then I usually forgive them, humans make mistakes. If they put someone before me, I would rethink our relationship and if their decision was understandable. But if there was actual intent to cause me harm for what I think is an unjustified motive, I cut them out of my life as much as I possibly can. That doesn't mean holding a grudge, I'll be quite at peace with it, I just stop interacting with them to make my life better.

This also doesn't mean I don't hold grudges, I do, I don't try particularly hard not to. There are just some people who hurt me more than others and I cannot let it go. I don't see it as a bad thing, it's a part of me, it doesn't consume my life, I'm (sadly) not the vengeful kind.

[Airyaman]

Really depends on the offense. If someone steals from me during a low point in their life, I could probably forgive them. If someone raped my daughter they might be looking for forgiveness beyond the grave.

[*Deidre*]

I've read the replies and I'm glad I asked this here. I wasn't sure if my question was going to be perceived as offensive because I didn't mean to imply that if we don't believe in God, how can we know how to forgive. Having said that, when you live your whole life tied to a religion, you come to the realization that you don't know how to think for yourself on certain matters without that religion dictating how you should respond. Every religion is different but most of them have rules and guidelines of how to approach forgiveness and reconciling with someone who has hurt you.

In Christianity, sadly, many women stay in abusive marriages due to their religious beliefs and the notion that one must forgive always "as God forgives you," and divorce is immoral.

So, now that I don't have religion chaperoning my life, I wonder how to view forgiveness on my own. I consider myself pretty reasonable and compassionate but I no longer wish to keep toxic people in my life, no matter how many times they apologize.

It feels good to think for myself and make decisions that are logically sound as well as morally sound. People think that religion is synonymous with morality and that couldn't be farthest from the truth.

[Searching4truth]

I believe that it is necessary for our own growth and to release ourselves from harboring resentment.

I agree. Being human we all make mistakes and deserve initial forgiveness. But there are those who hurt people repeatedly and those who commit horrible acts that I don't think will ever be able top make amends for that don't deserve forgiveness. But there's s bug difference between forgiving and accepting and moving on. sometimes it takes a lot of strength to do so, but it's definitely not impossible

[Minimalist]

My favorite Lincoln quotation.

My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them.
-- Abraham Lincoln

[Rahul]

My favorite Lincoln quotation.

My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them.
-- Abraham Lincoln

This is my favorite Lincoln quote:

“Root, hog, or die” ~ Lincoln’s suggestion to illiterate and propertyless ex-slaves unprepared for freedom, Feb. 3, 1865.

[freedomfromforum]

How does forgiveness benefit us - as individuals;
as a member of a team; as a society; a nation;
a race?

I am an imperfect man who is married to
an imperfect woman. If we are unable, or
unwilling to forgive one another for our
frequent respective displays of imperfection,
then our marriage 'team' will suffer; our goals
will not be realized, and we will fail. I think
that maintaining a level of mutual understanding
and forgiveness is vital for the success of a
mutual goal (in my case, marital harmony).

If you have no need for goal oriented relationship
with someone, then there may be no feasible
requirement to forgive someone that harms you.
If, on the other hand, you find that harboring
un-forgiveness is in some way harming you, then
perhaps you are in need of forgiving yourself of
something.

[Captain Colostomy]

This is my favorite Lincoln quote:

“Root, hog, or die” ~ Lincoln’s suggestion to illiterate and propertyless ex-slaves unprepared for freedom, Feb. 3, 1865.

To be fair, it was a common expression well before his presidency.