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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 5:11 am
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2013 at 5:12 am by KichigaiNeko.)
How about just acceptance?
No I'm not "perfect" (what ever the fuck THAT is) and neither are you....so what?
You only get one chance with me, fuck that up and I will move on and leave you. You can apologise until you are blue in the face, you have broken my trust and while I will not come at you with any sort of weapon, I will never let you "into my life" again whilst forgiving my self for being so naive as to trust you in the first place.
Life is far too short to worry about those who do you harm.
"The Universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements: energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest." G'Kar-B5
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 7:13 am
I'm selfish about my forgiveness. I don't forgive someone because they deserve it, I do it because I deserve to let it go and not drive myself crazy about it. I'm speaking of the big things. There are things that have taken me years to forgive. For some of those things the person I'm forgiving is unaware of it because I no longer have a relationship with them, but I feel a hell of a lot better about it.
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 8:28 am
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2013 at 8:30 am by Walking Void.)
I just try to understand people, because maybe they had a dark past too?
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 8:51 am
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2013 at 8:53 am by Angrboda.)
(October 7, 2013 at 8:28 am)Walking Void Wrote: I just try to understand people, because maybe they had a dark past too?
It's been my observation that people will often seek to understand another person's behavior on the premise that if they understand their reasoning and motives, it will either negate the feelings, or make them more managable or easily resolved. In my experience, this doesn't pan out, though I'm not altogether sure of why off the top of my head. Part is I'm sure due to the inability of our reasoning centers to influence our emotional responses, and part is that an emotion once triggered really needs to play itself out, in which case understanding your own emotions might be of more use than understanding theirs. Moreover, it can lead to dysfunctional defenses when you substitute understanding for reacting, try to distance yourself from the feelings, or distract yourself with walls of rationalization (psychoanalyzing, philosophizing, speculating) which make it harder rather than easier to manage and resolve the feelings. (Not to mention, when most people psychoanalyze others, they're doing so incompetently, and in the process 'objectifying' the other in a way which I, personally, consider harmful.)
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 9:54 am
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2013 at 9:56 am by Whateverist.)
(October 7, 2013 at 7:13 am)festive1 Wrote: I'm selfish about my forgiveness. I don't forgive someone because they deserve it, I do it because I deserve to let it go and not drive myself crazy about it. I'm speaking of the big things. There are things that have taken me years to forgive. For some of those things the person I'm forgiving is unaware of it because I no longer have a relationship with them, but I feel a hell of a lot better about it.
I agree. It behooves us to move on and not dwell in the past. Of course, so long as the person who did us wrong is in our environment and apt to do it again, forgiveness doesn't have to mean letting our guard down. Sometimes it is better to be a warrior than a saint. But once the battle's been won or lost and there isn't a chance of recurrence, we should focus on getting past it. Grudges take valuable psychic space.
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 10:26 am
I've found that regardless of whether a person deserved it or not, forgiving them was very beneficial to my mental health. I've let anger consume me over things I really needed to let go of. I think, however, it's important to differentiate between forgiving someone and allowing them back into a position where they can hurt you again. The latter doesn't necessarily have to come with the former.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 7, 2013 at 3:49 pm
I forgive anyone almost anything, given enough time. There's not enough life to waste any holding grudges.
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 11, 2013 at 4:53 pm
Damn! Life got stupid busy this week, but I've read through all of your replies, and really appreciate them! I will respond more over the weekend. You've given me much to think about, in terms of how to view forgiveness, and that forgiveness is about letting go, and not always about the other person. YOU GUYS ROCK. 
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 11, 2013 at 5:03 pm
(October 5, 2013 at 11:16 pm)KichigaiNeko Wrote: You forgive yourself and NEVER forget who hurt you and then LEARN and move on.
You SAY things in ALL-CAPS that SOUND good.
But they don't really mean anything, so move on.
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RE: Atheism and forgiveness
October 11, 2013 at 5:07 pm
(October 7, 2013 at 5:11 am)KichigaiNeko Wrote: How about just acceptance?
No I'm not "perfect" (what ever the fuck THAT is) and neither are you....so what?
I have news for you. I AM perfect. jk!
Quote:You only get one chance with me, fuck that up and I will move on and leave you. You can apologise until you are blue in the face, you have broken my trust and while I will not come at you with any sort of weapon, I will never let you "into my life" again whilst forgiving my self for being so naive as to trust you in the first place.
I've adopted this as my newest policy over the past year. I dated so many douchebags, it's unreal. But, that spoke more about my own flaws, than theirs. I kept attracting douchebags. So, now? If you are a douche, you're out...and my life has become much simpler because of it. True friends, who mess up here and there...they get more chances, as like you say, I'm not perfect, either. But, I refuse to tolerate toxic people anymore. The ability to look after myself is something I never did much of, and there are all too many men out there waiting to devour vulnerable people.
Quote:Life is far too short to worry about those who do you harm.
Yes, I agree!
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