I'm just not sure

[Hello]

I was raised in a very religious family having two religious grandparents who had adopted me and many preachers/missionaries in the family. Lately though I've been getting the feeling that... well that I just don't believe in god anymore. I remember the first time I ever questioned the reality of a god was when I was 6, my cousin and I were playing outside at our great grandfathers house (he lived near a school which had a pretty awesome playground). After we played for a while we were taking a break sitting at the picnic tables I told her how I don't remember what brought this up but she told me "god talks to me every night in my prayers, you should pray and listen" I told her "That's wrong god doesn't talk to you!" and to my disbelief I WAS wrong and god WAS supposed to speak to me when I pray. That night when I prayed I only heard myself in my head, no god, no angel, no Jesus... nothing but myself and so I thought for the longest time that god hates me. Skip a few years (17 now) I always found myself thinking "What if god wasn't real?" or "What would happen if I died and heaven wasn't real?" I haven't been to church in years now, my grandparents have just stopped asking me to come but I have a fear of calling myself an atheist. I always fear that if I call myself an atheist or finally take the steps to becoming one that god would strike me down on the spot or do something to make my life worse. Has any experience atheist here ever had the feelings of fear or regret when you were thinking of taking the stops to become an atheist?

[downbeatplumb]

I can't help you I've always been an atheist so I don't understand all this hand wringing.

Anyhoo welcome to the fold and look on the bright side, your Sundays are free now!

[Doubting Thomas]

Hello, Hello.

Unfortunately for religions God doesn't manifest himself as tiny voices in everyone's heads. That is, God doesn't talk to most people. So consider yourself lucky that you're not deluded like those people are.

When I was religious, constantly praying and receiving no answer in return was one thing which contributed to my atheism. I didn't feel any fear or regret upon losing my faith, but I put more faith in science, logic, and reason which took me away from religion and installed a healthy skepticism in me.

I hope you can get things sorted out. Whatever path you take, welcome to the forums.

[Minimalist]

I always fear that if I call myself an atheist or finally take the steps to becoming one that god would strike me down on the spot or do something to make my life worse.

"God" never seems to strike down people like Hitler ( perhaps he approved?) I wouldn't worry about it.

[freedomfromforum]

Welcome. The steps that lead toward me becoming
an atheist happened as a matter of course. I was a
christian for 13 years, and the last year or so of that
time I really studied the bible and other people who
called themselves christians. The hypocrisy i saw in
the bible and in other christians sealed the deal for
me and I ditched my notion of faith. I have been an
atheist for about 4 months and I feel great. At first, I
was quite nervous about divulging my atheism to the
people I used to go to church with, but I soon learned
that most of them only "loved" me because I believed
as they did, and their christian love evaporated like a
delicate dew on a sunny morning. Now, I don't give a
rats ass what people think. I don't broadcast that I am
an atheist, but I don't necessarily hide the fact either.
The good news is (NOT the gospel), but rather that you
have embarked upon a journey that will enable you to
discover the vastness of not only the universe within
which we live, but also the greatness and potential of
your own humanity. Travel well new voyager.

to AF

[pocaracas]

I was raised in a very religious family having two religious grandparents who had adopted me and many preachers/missionaries in the family. Lately though I've been getting the feeling that... well that I just don't believe in god anymore. I remember the first time I ever questioned the reality of a god was when I was 6, my cousin and I were playing outside at our great grandfathers house (he lived near a school which had a pretty awesome playground). After we played for a while we were taking a break sitting at the picnic tables I told her how I don't remember what brought this up but she told me "god talks to me every night in my prayers, you should pray and listen" I told her "That's wrong god doesn't talk to you!" and to my disbelief I WAS wrong and god WAS supposed to speak to me when I pray. That night when I prayed I only heard myself in my head, no god, no angel, no Jesus... nothing but myself and so I thought for the longest time that god hates me. Skip a few years (17 now) I always found myself thinking "What if god wasn't real?" or "What would happen if I died and heaven wasn't real?" I haven't been to church in years now, my grandparents have just stopped asking me to come but I have a fear of calling myself an atheist. I always fear that if I call myself an atheist or finally take the steps to becoming one that god would strike me down on the spot or do something to make my life worse. Has any experience atheist here ever had the feelings of fear or regret when you were thinking of taking the stops to become an atheist?

So you think there's no god, but you fear that said god (which doesn't exist) may smite you.
When was the last time you saw a news report about people smitten by god?

I think you need to get that fear out of your system and then carry on with a life free from post-death concerns.

[Zazzy]

You don't need to call yourself anything. Just be who you are. If you are uncomfortable with a label, don't use it. YOU are the only person who gets to decide who and what you are, which is a good thing.

[Crossless2.0]

Welcome, Hello. My own recognition that I was an atheist was decidedly drama-free, so these fears of a wrathful god are a bit alien to me. For what it's worth, I think there are enough real things in the world to worry about and fear without inventing stuff to be afraid of. God doesn't smite people for real -- only in books, as you would expect of a fictional creation.

[Doubting Thomas]

Once you realize that God is imaginary as well as Hell, then you can move on with your life without all these petty fears, and in time Christians threatening you with hell will just look silly.

[LastPoet]

I always fear that if I call myself an atheist or finally take the steps to becoming one that god would strike me down on the spot or do something to make my life worse. Has any experience atheist here ever had the feelings of fear or regret when you were thinking of taking the stops to become an atheist?

I've become an atheist almost 20 years ago, shit happens, good or bad, you just have to enjoy the good things and deal with the bad things. Suffice to say, the fucker didn't strike me down.

Now, that fear you feel is the result of you being indoctrinated, and religious dogma is full of prehemptive threats to those that think of leaving it. In the end its all bullshit.

Oh, and