Fundies say the darndest things AF Edition

[Mystical]

I... see these all the time. Things that deserve recognition and applause for their ability to make me speechless in a weird way. So I'm starting this. Its on. Any member who comes across funny things said by fundies elsewhere than AF: post your finds here please. I know I'll appreciate it, anyways

Today at Mass I received the Precious Blood. It was in a different, lighter weight chalice than they usually use, and I drank two quickly and dribbled some of the Precious Blood on my chin. Horrified, I went back to my seat and told my husband that I had dribbled some on my chin. He said to take my fingers and wipe my chin and put the Precious Blood in my mouth. So I did. My face still felt sticky, but my husband couldn't see anything there. I couldn't see anything on my fingers, and it didn't appear that I had dribbled anything on my clothing. I worried that I might have gotten some in my hair, but I ran my fingers through it and didn't feel anything. After Mass, I was worried about washing my hands in the bathroom sink, so I used hand sanitizer. Eventually the stickiness on my face seemed to evaporate. I know that I didn't purposely commit sacrilige, but I still wonder if I handled this situation correctly. I am thinking that drinking the Precious Blood may not be worth the risk of spilling.

*facepalmage

[Jacob(smooth)]

I got a topical one!


"I am very blessed to report that I received an overwhelming amount of emails making the link between the homosexual event in OKC and the massive tornado outbreak almost in the city. It does show that numbers of people now see these links on their own. They are walking in the fear of the Lord.The awesome disasters continue with no letup. Two events coincided and bracketed this incredible tornado storm that devastated Oklahoma. A bold homosexual event titled “The New Normal” ended Sunday and Kerry landed in Israel on Tuesday, to continue the plan to divide Israel and Jerusalem.The sheer size of this storm and the massive destruction once again shows that America has crossed the line with the Holy God of Israel. God’s stern warnings now appear over and the punishing judgments are following one after the other. It was just late last year that Hurricane Sandy smashed New York as the state and city were sealing homosexual “marriage”. This massive storm hit at the very time the state supreme court sealed this “marriage” into law.Oklahoma is supposed to be part of the Bible belt. How many churches were interceding before the Lord on Sunday about the open homosexuality in the streets of the state capital? I dare say almost none. I see this as judgment on the entire Christian church for not fearing God. How many of these massive destructive storms does God have to send before the church will see what is happening? Will it ever fear God and intercede and cry out to Him?It does get somewhat weary to tie these events together and yet the masses just refuse to believe that God is holy and will not tolerate the massive killing of babies in the womb and the homosexual agenda. He will not tolerate America violating His prophetic word for Israel. The problem is not with God as He has warned America since 1987. The problem lies with His church that has lost that God is holy and to walk in Godly fear of Him. Will the pastors of America please call your churches to repentance before the LORD. Will they cry out for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit to beat back the spirit of Antichrist? How much longer before it is “God’s Final Warning to America?”"

I know this is for the may tornados but I thought worth sharing. I'm sure someone will do the same for the next batch.

[downbeatplumb]

---

I got a topical one!


"I am very blessed to report that I received an overwhelming amount of emails making the link between the homosexual event in OKC and the massive tornado outbreak almost in the city. It does show that numbers of people now see these links on their own. They are walking in the fear of the Lord.The awesome disasters continue with no letup. Two events coincided and bracketed this incredible tornado storm that devastated Oklahoma. A bold homosexual event titled “The New Normal” ended Sunday and Kerry landed in Israel on Tuesday, to continue the plan to divide Israel and Jerusalem.The sheer size of this storm and the massive destruction once again shows that America has crossed the line with the Holy God of Israel. God’s stern warnings now appear over and the punishing judgments are following one after the other. It was just late last year that Hurricane Sandy smashed New York as the state and city were sealing homosexual “marriage”. This massive storm hit at the very time the state supreme court sealed this “marriage” into law.Oklahoma is supposed to be part of the Bible belt. How many churches were interceding before the Lord on Sunday about the open homosexuality in the streets of the state capital? I dare say almost none. I see this as judgment on the entire Christian church for not fearing God. How many of these massive destructive storms does God have to send before the church will see what is happening? Will it ever fear God and intercede and cry out to Him?It does get somewhat weary to tie these events together and yet the masses just refuse to believe that God is holy and will not tolerate the massive killing of babies in the womb and the homosexual agenda. He will not tolerate America violating His prophetic word for Israel. The problem is not with God as He has warned America since 1987. The problem lies with His church that has lost that God is holy and to walk in Godly fear of Him. Will the pastors of America please call your churches to repentance before the LORD. Will they cry out for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit to beat back the spirit of Antichrist? How much longer before it is “God’s Final Warning to America?”"

I know this is for the may tornados but I thought worth sharing. I'm sure someone will do the same for the next batch.

---

All this talk about gay sex leveling cities has me wondering if anyone has thought of using it as a weapon.
Pick an enemy city, smuggle in a few hundred gay couples and let them bang away.
Surely if people really believed this shit this would have been tried.

[Fruity]

I... see these all the time. Things that deserve recognition and applause for their ability to make me speechless in a weird way. So I'm starting this. Its on. Any member who comes across funny things said by fundies elsewhere than AF: post your finds here please. I know I'll appreciate it, anyways

Today at Mass I received the Precious Blood. It was in a different, lighter weight chalice than they usually use, and I drank two quickly and dribbled some of the Precious Blood on my chin. Horrified, I went back to my seat and told my husband that I had dribbled some on my chin. He said to take my fingers and wipe my chin and put the Precious Blood in my mouth. So I did. My face still felt sticky, but my husband couldn't see anything there. I couldn't see anything on my fingers, and it didn't appear that I had dribbled anything on my clothing. I worried that I might have gotten some in my hair, but I ran my fingers through it and didn't feel anything. After Mass, I was worried about washing my hands in the bathroom sink, so I used hand sanitizer. Eventually the stickiness on my face seemed to evaporate. I know that I didn't purposely commit sacrilige, but I still wonder if I handled this situation correctly. I am thinking that drinking the Precious Blood may not be worth the risk of spilling.

*facepalmage

This sounds like a bad blow job where the wife was afraid to swallow.

[Mystical]

Yeah I'd be jealous if I were her husband! I'd hate to see what she'd be freakin out about if she actually ever tried sucking his co-- yeah. Sorry Jacob, forgot you were here Good one btw. Sounds just like someone I know only yours is way nicer

---

It is clear from the Bible that man has dominion over his woman. This is understood in most native societies across the world. Our Muslim brothers have a more complete understanding of this reality than the West. Democracy started to fail as a system when New Zealand gave women the vote. Marriages fail because women don't understand their place in the relationship. Submission to your husband is now being encouraged by many protestant sects. Women demanding the right to work has destroyed the family. Do I have to go on?
(We Aussies call this contribution to this thread - stirring the possum.)

[The Valkyrie]

Yeah I'd be jealous if I were her husband! I'd hate to see what she'd be freakin out about if she actually ever tried sucking his co-- yeah. Sorry Jacob, forgot you were here Good one btw. Sounds just like someone I know only yours is way nicer

---

It is clear from the Bible that man has dominion over his woman. This is understood in most native societies across the world. Our Muslim brothers have a more complete understanding of this reality than the West. Democracy started to fail as a system when New Zealand gave women the vote. Marriages fail because women don't understand their place in the relationship. Submission to your husband is now being encouraged by many protestant sects. Women demanding the right to work has destroyed the family. Do I have to go on?
(We Aussies call this contribution to this thread - stirring the possum.)

So the bloody Kiwis are responsible for our rebellious natures?

I should have known! Kiwis are responsible for the downfall of society!

[Mystical]

Right they blame the women not the goats, too.

[Mystical]

"Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes,"

Seismologists have warned that the capital, Tehran, is situated on a large number of tectonic fault lines and could be hit by a devastating earthquake soon.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has said many of Tehran's 12 million inhabitants should relocate.
There are plans to build a purpose built new capital near Qom.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8631775.stm

Just for the record that picture was included in the original version of this story that I came across, I'm not a bigot

[Minimalist]

Horrified, I went back to my seat and told my husband that I had dribbled some on my chin.

I can think of far worse situations in which that could happen!