Should I stay with a christian

[CindysRain]

2 Cor 6
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Since he's reading his Bible more, he'll eventually get to the above. Might as well point it out to him now and ask him why he's engaged to you. Whole lot easier to break off an engagement than get a divorce.

Yep, that is the exact verse that could be used, at some point.

Not saying you should end it, but be prepared for some rough roads ahead.
Good luck.

[sweetjalepeno]

Does he have any good qualities?

How old is he?

He is 23 and he is a great man he isnt bigoted hes open minded...besides our religion we literally think the same on pretty much everything...he is quite the critical thinker...it really puzzles me why he became christian he says that it just feels right and it makes him happy. Plus his mother is a pastor and his family is full of strong devout Christians. Plus it doesnt help that we are both black so being black and atheist is like a minority within a minority because like 95% of black people are Christians(according to statistics of me).

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When I first met my fiance he was christian, but he was not a devout one, he was pretty open to discussion of the existence with god and I shared my views on religion with him alot. He agreed with much of the things I said to him actually to the point where he questioned his religion. I thought for sure we had another free thinker but instead he ended up becoming christian again . I would ask him why he was christian despite the obvious logic conflict, he says he doesnt know why nothing make sense and he isnt sure why Christianity is full of illogical fallacies but he say he knows god exists because he has his visions of the future. (BTW the visions he has he is unable to remember until after the event has happened and he can ever recall a vision at will ) His vision are alot like Deju Vu phenomenons. But he is convinced it is visions so this gives merit to the idea that the christian god must be the way . Now that he has found his religion again, he is increasing his reading of the bible and starting to do and say illogical things. I love him to death and he is a smart man(hes an engineer for goodness sakes) I am worried he will put Christianity so high in his priories that ill be outcasted. He says he is fine with practicing his religion alone, but I dont know if this can actually work

Well I'm assuming you are a female or a gay male, my advice, even though my relationship has only been lasting for 2 years (not a lot of time, but I hope a lot more still comes) is to not give a fuck about it. If you truly love each other, something like personal beliefs or lack of beliefs should have little relevance. My girlfriend has always been a christian (more likely a deist with christian influences) and she is pretty open minded about it, we never had a problem with it because we both love ourselves. If you love your boyfriend that shouldn't be a problem at all. But again this is just my bet. What are your fears on the future (if I can ask) ?

Yes i am a female and im afriad that he will get to a point that his religion becomes his first priority and he sacrifices his life to follow god (kind of like how Abraham was willing to kill his only child for god) I know he loves me but I dont have a rule book on how to live my life but he does. Although I think he is similar to how your wife is about religion he is sort of a deist with some christian ways...he identifies with Christianity but doesnt believe have the things he sees in the bible

When I first met my fiance he was christian, but he was not a devout one, he was pretty open to discussion of the existence with god and I shared my views on religion with him alot. He agreed with much of the things I said to him actually to the point where he questioned his religion. I thought for sure we had another free thinker but instead he ended up becoming christian again . I would ask him why he was christian despite the obvious logic conflict, he says he doesnt know why nothing make sense and he isnt sure why Christianity is full of illogical fallacies but he say he knows god exists because he has his visions of the future. (BTW the visions he has he is unable to remember until after the event has happened and he can ever recall a vision at will ) His vision are alot like Deju Vu phenomenons. But he is convinced it is visions so this gives merit to the idea that the christian god must be the way . Now that he has found his religion again, he is increasing his reading of the bible and starting to do and say illogical things. I love him to death and he is a smart man(hes an engineer for goodness sakes) I am worried he will put Christianity so high in his priories that ill be outcasted. He says he is fine with practicing his religion alone, but I dont know if this can actually work

Uhhhmm

Are we being punked?
The answer is painfully obvious. Religious or not, fucktards who claim to have visions of the future and believe in sky wizards, all while knowingly ignoring logic and reason should not only be avoided they should be considered dangerous. I mean, you're the idiot that married a christian so part of me thinks you should have to suffer with his idiocy, but the other part of me thinks you should find and maintain a safe distance from someone who claims to pick up transmissions from god.

Well fucktard you should ask more questions before you jump to conclusions. My fiance's parents are pastor is uncles are pastors his family is full of strongly religious people. And no he doesnt run around exclaiming about his visions like an insane person..He says that he has had dreams about events that later on happened in life but he cant recall the dreams until during/after the fact because they happened so long ago...Im studying psychology so im fullly aware that his brain is just having hiccups where it recognizes imagery as familiar when it is unfamiliar. But its not exactly easy to explain that to someone who has been thought that way his entire life. He also has a keen ability to read people that of which he associates with his vision and ability to sense people. Its a very sensitive subject for me to address with him because attacking it is like attacking him since he feels that is apart of who he is.

[Minimalist]

Plus his mother is a pastor and his family is full of strong devout Christians.

Oh. Bad genes.

The reason I asked about the age is because the "visions" thing can be symptomatic of adult onset schizophrenia but 23 seems a bit old for that ( usually starts in the late teens.)


You'll have to decide if it is worth putting up with his delusions. The odds are he will get worse in the sense of more doctrinaire.

[sweetjalepeno]

Question: Have you talked to him about your concerns about your religious differences?

Yea I have and hes has been more than open about it he says he doesnt really care and he understand my reasons for not being a christian and he respects them. Today isnt the problem its tomorrow that concerns me. He maybe open to his religion but his bible tells him not to be. I guess what alarmed me was his increased use of the bible. he never really payed much attention to it before but now he is starting to go to bible studies and read his bible more. i know this is where the conflicts arise

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Plus his mother is a pastor and his family is full of strong devout Christians.

Oh. Bad genes.

The reason I asked about the age is because the "visions" thing can be symptomatic of adult onset schizophrenia but 23 seems a bit old for that ( usually starts in the late teens.)


You'll have to decide if it is worth putting up with his delusions. The odds are he will get worse in the sense of more doctrinaire.

I dont think he so much as delusional but that he doesnt understand how the mind works. Underestimates how common "deju vu". I guess its something I need to bring to his attention but i DRED hurting him by telling him. He wants me to believe him and support him. Its not that big of a deal to me he hasnt gotten excessive with it so I just have been sort of going along with it

[Mothonis]

2 Cor 6
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Since he's reading his Bible more, he'll eventually get to the above. Might as well point it out to him now and ask him why he's engaged to you. Whole lot easier to break off an engagement than get a divorce.

Except Atheism isn't lawlessness or Evil

[Mister Agenda]

Almost all of my sexual partners have been Christians (the rest have been other kinds of theists). Agreeing to not argue religion has so far sufficed in my relationships. It might work for you.

Not arguing something is not a solution, it is a way to maintain the problem, avoiding issues has always fucked my relationships, that's why I never avoid them now. And yes i am committed with a Christian girl even though she is more like a deist that follows some Jesus teachings

If arguing about something that neither of you are going to change your minds over works for you, who am I to judge?

[FatAndFaithless]

Not arguing something is not a solution, it is a way to maintain the problem, avoiding issues has always fucked my relationships, that's why I never avoid them now. And yes i am committed with a Christian girl even though she is more like a deist that follows some Jesus teachings

If arguing about something that neither of you are going to change your minds over works for you, who am I to judge?

I think his point was more that avoiding important questions by simply not addressing them early will lead to bigger problems down the road, instead of talking about big things right away and seeing if you can make it work.

[Dystopia]

Well I'm assuming you are a female or a gay male, my advice, even though my relationship has only been lasting for 2 years (not a lot of time, but I hope a lot more still comes) is to not give a fuck about it. If you truly love each other, something like personal beliefs or lack of beliefs should have little relevance. My girlfriend has always been a christian (more likely a deist with christian influences) and she is pretty open minded about it, we never had a problem with it because we both love ourselves. If you love your boyfriend that shouldn't be a problem at all. But again this is just my bet. What are your fears on the future (if I can ask) ?

Yes i am a female and im afriad that he will get to a point that his religion becomes his first priority and he sacrifices his life to follow god (kind of like how Abraham was willing to kill his only child for god) I know he loves me but I dont have a rule book on how to live my life but he does. Although I think he is similar to how your wife is about religion he is sort of a deist with some christian ways...he identifies with Christianity but doesnt believe have the things he sees in the bible

Well my girlfriend is pretty open minded and she doesn't think about god or Christianity on a daily basis, in other words if she didn't believe the universe would be work and be exactly the same for her. I guess if you love each other the right call is to stick together. Sometimes people are indoctrinated since birth to believe, others went trough bad experiences and need something too hold on. My girlfriend was starved as a baby and was adopted, maybe the belief in god was something to help her go trough bad moments, it's something I understand. I respect her views and she respects mine, I understand her and she understands me, she even supports gay marriage and admits a lot of the bible is not viable/genuine/was forged/changed.

[Cato]

@OP,

He comes from a family of pastors; therefore, if you marry him you are inviting a lifetime of religion being at the forefront of everything you do regarding his family. This is much different than navigating relationships with run of the mill believers where it is possible to keep religion an infrequent topic of conversation. This becomes even more important if this relationship is to produce children.

Here's my standard relationship advice, regardless of initiating concern. Never base relationship decisions on the chance that the other person involved will change fundamental behaviors or beliefs. It is possible of course, but I have seen too many instances where both involved become totally miserable because each was relying on the other to change to make the relationship work. Keep in mind that your fiance can be getting advice and working under the 'change' premise; i.e., I love her despite her atheism but in time she'll see the truth and become a true believer. What happens if neither changes? The results could be disastrous, particularly if kids come along.

You love this young man for other reasons. If these reasons are strong enough to overcome the impact that religion will have on your future relationship and potential children, then have at it. Only you can decide this. Keep in mind that tolerance goes both ways, but both should be realistic about the impact of religion in your relationship.

You may want to make your next religious conversation more specific. Will he or his family have the expectation that you attend church regularly? Does his family currently know of your lack of belief? If not, how would this change things? Will they allow a known atheist to be married in the church? Will not being married in the church cause problems?

Assuming future children...
What expectation will there be regarding their religious indoctrination? How will differences between religious teachings and secular society/science be reconciled?

There's a lot to consider. I wish you the best.

[pocaracas]

Great post, Cato!