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Some poetry
#1
Some poetry
Poems I've written. Feel free to critique any of them. I may post more poems later on.

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#2
RE: Some poetry
Not to my taste.

Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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#3
RE: Some poetry
@BrianSoddingBoru4
-Not to my taste.
Leemons.

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#4
RE: Some poetry
This is an old one. I think I was around nine years old when I did this one. I don't really like it, but, what the heck.

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#5
RE: Some poetry
I randomly put,
letters to paper,
they do not rhyme,
poetry?
What is this thing?
Life the stink of forbidden snatch?
did robins fly so low?
Limping sodden lumpy grass,
How flummoxed the rose was to find,
A little bird to flip and dive,
pudding.

Eh, look, I'm a poet or something.
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#6
RE: Some poetry
@Rhizomorph13
-I randomly put,
letters to paper,
they do not rhyme,
poetry?
What is this thing?
Life the stink of forbidden snatch?
did robins fly so low?
Limping sodden lumpy grass,
How flummoxed the rose was to find,
A little bird to flip and dive,
pudding.
Eh, look, I'm a poet or something.

The lack of rhymes... I don't find rhymes very necessary. It also limits what you can write, and might result into complete randomness. I also think that, with a lack of rhymes, I can give poems a slight prose format.
And random? You can say they are random if you want to, but I assure you that they do have a meaning and a message.
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#7
RE: Some poetry
I don't mind the lack of rhymes. A friend of mine from another forum helped me with some of my poems. He says you have to de-personalize them so that can have meaning for anyone instead of just you. That is, if you want to publish them or if you're writing them for other people to read and not just for your own pleasure of writing. I have a really hard time doing that because my poetry is so personal, but I sometimes enjoy having other people critique my poetry and help me make it something that could have meaning to someone besides myself.

(July 9, 2014 at 12:53 pm)Baqal Wrote: This is an old one. I think I was around nine years old when I did this one. I don't really like it, but, what the heck.


I really like this one. I amazed that you wrote it at nine years old. I wrote poetry when I was really young too, but nothing quite so eloquent.
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay

0/10

Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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#8
RE: Some poetry
Keep it up. By the way, have you read any Charles Bukowski? If you don't mind my sharing, I love this poem of his (called A Smile To Remember):

we had goldfish and they circled around and around
in the bowl on the table near the heavy drapes
covering the picture window and
my mother, always smiling, wanting us all
to be happy, told me, ‘be happy Henry!’
and she was right: it’s better to be happy if you
can
but my father continued to beat her and me several times a week while
raging inside his 6-foot-two frame because he couldn’t
understand what was attacking him from within.

my mother, poor fish,
wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
week, telling me to be happy: ‘Henry, smile!
why don’t you ever smile?’

and then she would smile, to show me how, and it was the
saddest smile I ever saw

one day the goldfish died, all five of them,
they floated on the water, on their sides, their
eyes still open,
and when my father got home he threw them to the cat
there on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
smiled
He who loves God cannot endeavour that God should love him in return - Baruch Spinoza
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#9
RE: Some poetry
(July 9, 2014 at 10:00 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote: I randomly put,
letters to paper,
they do not rhyme,
poetry?
What is this thing?
Life the stink of forbidden snatch?
did robins fly so low?
Limping sodden lumpy grass,
How flummoxed the rose was to find,
A little bird to flip and dive,
pudding.

Eh, look, I'm a poet or something.

I accept there is a distinct difference between poetry and song lyrics but David Bowie went through a phase where he used to cut up his lyric lines and randomly reassemble them.

Hence... ' I am an alligator, I'm a mamma-papa coming for you'

Randomness is almost always part of creativity, usually there are a few more cognitive processes between the random inspiration and the end product, but it's viable to strip that away and present those random inspirations/thoughts/ideas as poetry. Why not?

I once published a poem that had no words. Just a blank page. I figured I'd write a poem where the words don't get in the way. It pissed a lot of people off, which is fine by me. It's easy to sit inside the comfort zone and act smug about what we think we know, but the people who I personally admire are those with the stones to put something new out there and deal with whatever comes at them, good or bad.

MM
"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions" - Leonardo da Vinci

"I think I use the term “radical” rather loosely, just for emphasis. If you describe yourself as “atheist,” some people will say, “Don’t you mean ‘agnostic’?” I have to reply that I really do mean atheist, I really do not believe that there is a god; in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one ... etc., etc. It’s easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it’s an opinion I hold seriously." - Douglas Adams (and I echo the sentiment)
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#10
RE: Some poetry
I like your poetry.
Here's a couple more from Adam Ford.

Beard.

Actually, I didn't shave.
My beard left me.
I woke up that morning,
clean faced.
A note on my bedside table
told the sad story.
"Sometimes you can be
too close to someone.
I need some time alone.
I'll call you.
Love,
B."

A small revenge.

After we fought I
went downstairs and
left the house,
but not before I
put that song you hate
on the CD player
and pressed repeat.
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