Your thoughts on finding "the one"?

[CapnAwesome]

I'm 20. Women are expensive,

Yeah...it can be cheaper to rent than to buy.

Creepy.

On another note, if a relationship is really worth having, in my opinion, it's one where you don't really have to spend money on the person. Money won't buy you love

[John V]

On another note, if a relationship is really worth having, in my opinion, it's one where you don't really have to spend money on the person. Money won't buy you love

Sounds nice, but in the real world, arguing over money is one of the strongest predictors of divorce.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

@OP: Here's how to pick the right wife.

http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/01/21/...ight-wife/

Is that a joke?

[Cato]

Ignore your friends; they don't come across as very experienced in this matter. Ignore "the one" bit. Continue to meet women and see where the relationship goes, it really is trial and error and you'll just know when it's worth pursuing. I agree with Brakeman that a laundry list approach is wrong here. Despite courtship rituals, we usually have people pegged in short order subconsciously....especially future mates. The only thing I might suggest is to make sure she has a sense of humor. Spending a significant amount of time alone with someone with no appreciation for the lighter side of reality would be a living hell.

[Dystopia]

I do not know if there is something as 'the one', but there sure is someone very close to that definition. If you chose to believe that a perfect person for you, AKA the one exists that is your choice. I do not believe there is such a person, but rather someone who is very compatible with you, someone you share lots of chemistry with, the situation is similar to a puzzle, she completes you and you complete her.

Honestly, the best advice I can give is - Don't rush things up and don't try to hard. Trying to hard will only give you apparent feelings of love, there was a time when I literally forced myself to 'love' every girl I met because I believed they could be the one. Just live your life and socialize, it will happen eventually, I can guarantee you by 100%.

To me, it happened naturally. I'm 20 and I started dating my girlfriend when I was 18, I fell in love for her, and I still am (in fact it has only increased and not the opposite). You could argue relationships between young people last a short time, that the young are not mature enough and are easily deluded by lust and infatuation, but I do not think that's my case. The fact is I was very mature when I was only 18, I wanted a serious relationship and I had been with an abusive suicide threatening girlfriend before, so I was scared to start liking a girl again. Not that I loved my ex, it was mostly crush and infatuation, with my girlfriend it felt different. It just happened naturally, we became great friends and once we kissed inside a bus. I sometimes wondered 'is this friendzone again?', but no, it was very different from a friendzone situation, we were very good friends but I had this feeling of chemistry and in a certain way a feeling of what we call love, the chemical reactions, and of course some sexual healthy thoughts, perfectly natural... I think the reason we have managed to make it work is because unlike most of our friends who start dating but then want freedom and liberal relationships, we actually made commitments and didn't care about letting some privileges go, we respect each others' will. We also believed we could make it, I don't know if that has any relevance, but going into a relationship thinking 'it will end someday' is not a good thing to hope for if you want to make it work.

I do not believe in love at first sight and I think it is very unlikely to happen, a relationship is built on trust and cooperation (b sides love and respect), a strong bond of friendship will help a relationship have a better outcome. The fact we were friends before helped us immensely, and the feeling/emotion we call love just started to be built slowly... I only realized when it had gotten out of control

I hope that helped you out, and please stop trying, enjoy your life and the advantages of being single, and keep rocking as an engineer. PS - I didn't try to find her, she just fell of the sky

[paulpablo]

Firstly, I'd like to say that it's been a while since I've been here! I guess long story short, I decided about a year ago to stop questioning life and actually just live it for now. This led me to sink into apatheism indefinitely.

Anyways, the reason why I've come here to post again, is that I've got a bit of a crisis. Like most people, I want a family, and this means that eventually I will have to find the girl - a.k.a. "the one" - that is for me. But over the last couple of years, meeting new girls is something that has happened once every 5-6 months, if that (maybe a bit of context about me might help here: if you don't remember, I'm 23 and a full time engineering student. I also play in a band, and the rest of my time is devoted to working/socialising with friends). So with such a low rate of meeting new girls, it hardly seems like finding "the one" will be something that can just happen without me having to try.

This leads me to where I'm at now. I had a sort of revelation recently that led me to think in a new way. Long story short, I don't see the problem with approaching someone completely random who I think is attractive (say e.g. at a cafe) and making myself known, perhaps by making a witty/cute comment that will grab their attention.
I've tried this over the last week, and have gotten 4 out of 4 girls' numbers.

Now, here's where my crisis begins.

I thought this was the answer to my problem; that I just need to start being more pro-active and make things come about instead of waiting for some miracle. But then discussing my revelation with a couple of friends kind of undermined my new mentality. They completely disagreed with what I was doing because they thought a potential relationship with one of these girls would have a completely artificial foundation, and thus wouldn't be an enjoyable/genuine relationship, because I created the circumstances for us to meet.

A brief discussion with a separate friend completely left me destroyed and hopeless, after he said that I should make my intentions known asap [with one of the four girls I'm currently interested in] and hold her hand/kiss her next time, because I'm fast approaching 30 years of age. I guess what I didn't like about his advice was that basically I need to quite literally act desperate and try establish a sort of early relationship with her. I don't feel like that's the right way of doing things, but then there's the whole "friend zone" business that I think he was alluding to.


I'm not sure what you guys are meant to get out of the above. Maybe I've just vomited a bunch of thoughts that don't make sense.. but yeah.. I guess that would actually be accurate because I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that I want a family someday, but getting there seems like one in a million right now.

My advice is don't follow anyone's advice because nothing works 100 percent of the time and if you're acting in a certain way because someone told you to then unless you're the best actor in the world it will come off as you being false and if you pull it off because you are the best actor in the world you will have to keep that act going everytime you meet this person.

That seriously works with any piece of advice you could be given.

You could be told to take it slowly by someone then meet a girl who wants to rush into things, it could be rushing into sex, and you could end up marrying that girl a year later. She could be rushing into a relationship or whatever and that may or may not end well but who knows?

I personally wouldn't go telling any girl your intentions early either because your intentions might change, it might scare them and so on, on the other hand it might work out really well I don't know.

[StealthySkeptic]

You'll burn in imaginary hell for that!

NOOOO!!!! The invisible flame! It doesn't burn!

[Fidel_Castronaut]

You'll burn in imaginary hell for that!

NOOOO!!!! The invisible flame! It doesn't burn!

Made me lol.

[ShaMan]

On another note, if a relationship is really worth having, in my opinion, it's one where you don't really have to spend money on the person. Money won't buy you love

Sounds nice, but in the real world, arguing over money is one of the strongest predictors of divorce.

If you go deeper you'll discover that communication breakdown is at the heart of the matter, and it presents itself as "We argue over money".

[ignoramus]

That's why "compromise" is the most important ingredient in a relationship.
We're all selfish in a way and want things. If there's only limited moola, where does it go? Get that sorted and you're right.