so much pain

[MusicLovingAtheist]

So it's my 4th or 5th week of uni. I decided today to talk to a guy who I always see wearing band shirts like my chemical romance, bring me the horizon, and metalcore. I said "hey I noticed you like music, can I sit next to you?" I was really nervous and at first he was like "I was going to go sit with someone else but I can sit next to you." Apparently he is really uncomfortable too because after we talked briefly about bands ans sat through the class he got up and practically ran out of the room. I felt like such shit, I still feel like shit. At the time though I was so sad I didn't feel like moving. I feel hopelessly socially awkward and lonely. Anyone have anything to say about loneliness and social awkwardness.

[ShaMan]

Anyone have anything to say about loneliness and social awkwardness.

Loneliness is a condition prescribed by your mind - it is not determined by your circumstances, but rather your reaction to those circumstances. I suspect the social awkwardness flows from you identifying yourself with such labels as "lonely" or "awkward", when in fact, you simply are. If you can become present in the moment, that is to say, be aware of now, rather than ruminating over some self-perceived failure in the past, or hoping for some future betterment, you'd find that your natural condition is actually one of fulfillment, joy, and ease. I know of no way to help you grasp this lesson but to suggest that you cease to identify yourself as whatever role you find yourself in at any given moment. Rather than saying "I am" (fill in the blank - sad, lonely, angry, etc.) simply say instead "I Am" and rest in that perfect place where loneliness and fear are fallen remnants of an ego than serves no purpose but to strengthen itself while crushing the real you beneath its perceived immensity.

[Aoi Magi]

Don't try to guess about people from their clothes. I am also not a very socially active person and I have a very small friend circle, but whenever I approach someone new, I try to just let the other person talk so that I can understand them a bit. But situations like yours does occur with me as well, if the other person behaves like that, most likely you didn't have much in common any way, so I'd just let the guy be and not over-think about it, however if you really want to be friends with him, then instead of taking a guess about him, approach him as well as his friends and try to understand his interests a bit first.

[Alex K]

Hey

first of all, I approve of your music selection



To follow up on what Aoi Magi said, it always helps to talk to people instead of brooding! If you see the guy in lecture next time, you can simply approach him and say - hey, you ran off quickly last time, I'm worried that I made you feel uncomfortable and in that case I'm sorry - or something to that effect. He then can be nice about it or be an asshole about it, and you know what's what

In any case don't give up on making friends at uni, it's crucially helps with the academic success as well to know people to discuss and study with, or exchange notes. What were you studying again if I may ask?

[Jacob(smooth)]

It passes.
I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're a late teen / early 20s. Here's what I remember about that time with affection.
Fucking NOTHING!!

it hurts because you're seeing that interaction as a problem with you. Might be he was in a hurry. Maybe he needed a piss. Maybe he was also shy. Whatever, it really doesn't matter.

Are you male or female?

[*Deidre*]

Aw, I'm sorry that happened.

It's unfortunate that we live in a society where just being friendly can be misconstrued for something else. I admire your ability to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. The fact that he acted that way is NO REFLECTION ON YOU. Seriously. Now, if you followed him out of the room, all over campus, that'd be different lol

Don't feel bad about just being friendly.

Another thing to note is that we are very much a technology based society, and many people are more comfortable chatting on face book or text than in person. Again, no reflection on you.

My advice? Join a group that you enjoy and meet people that way. Your anxiety will wear off as you meet like minded people and make new friends.

Hang in there!

[SteelCurtain]

Next time, MLA, don't ask if you can sit next to some one, just do it!

You aren't in high school. People are less clique-y in college. Don't ask, just sit down next to a person, and don't force a conversation. When you think about it too much, when you try too hard, that's when it gets awkward. Don't try to impress people, don't focus on whether they like you or not, just be you. I know that sounds like a bunch of platitudes. But seriously, college is a time when you find out who you are. The first year can be full of transformation and growth. You have to get yourself out of the dorm, go to some events on campus. Even ones you might not have any interest in. Go to some sports events, go to some voluntary lectures, go to some student concerts. Find out what things you like, and you will be socializing at the same time.

The key is finding some confidence in yourself. You have to find a way to become confident in who you are. What other people think of you, how they respond to you, all these things become less important when you have confidence.

My guess is this guy thought you were hitting on him, and he got awkward and bounced in a hurry.

[Alex K]

You aren't in high school. People are less clique-y in college. Don't ask, just sit down next to a person, and don't force a conversation. When you think about it too much, when you try too hard, that's when it gets awkward.

^This is very accurate. Most social awkwardness seems to come from trying to hard or appearing to try too hard.

My guess is this guy thought you were hitting on him, and he got awkward and bounced in a hurry.

The thought passed my mind.

[Darkstar]

So it's my 4th or 5th week of uni. I decided today to talk to a guy who I always see wearing band shirts like my chemical romance, bring me the horizon, and metalcore. I said "hey I noticed you like music, can I sit next to you?" I was really nervous and at first he was like "I was going to go sit with someone else but I can sit next to you." Apparently he is really uncomfortable too because after we talked briefly about bands ans sat through the class he got up and practically ran out of the room. I felt like such shit, I still feel like shit. At the time though I was so sad I didn't feel like moving. I feel hopelessly socially awkward and lonely. Anyone have anything to say about loneliness and social awkwardness.

Well, if you were able to strike up a conversation with a stranger IRL at all then you aren't as socially awkward as I am. You just had a bad experience; I don't think that this is in any way indicative of something wrong with you. As other people have already mentioned, there are a number of reasons that the guy could have abruptly left. Don't take it personally.

[MusicLovingAtheist]

Next time, MLA, don't ask if you can sit next to some one, just do it!

You aren't in high school. People are less clique-y in college. Don't ask, just sit down next to a person, and don't force a conversation. When you think about it too much, when you try too hard, that's when it gets awkward. Don't try to impress people, don't focus on whether they like you or not, just be you. I know that sounds like a bunch of platitudes. But seriously, college is a time when you find out who you are. The first year can be full of transformation and growth. You have to get yourself out of the dorm, go to some events on campus. Even ones you might not have any interest in. Go to some sports events, go to some voluntary lectures, go to some student concerts. Find out what things you like, and you will be socializing at the same time.

The key is finding some confidence in yourself. You have to find a way to become confident in who you are. What other people think of you, how they respond to you, all these things become less important when you have confidence.

My guess is this guy thought you were hitting on him, and he got awkward and bounced in a hurry.

I want to chop off my own head.