The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[Shell B]

Whatever happened to that couple kichi and her husband?

[SteelCurtain]

Whatever happened to that couple kichi and her husband?

Kichi and ZenBadger.

Last I heard they were doing okay, but Kichi had some health issues.

[brewer]

I barely insulted him. Give me a break, guys. His leaving and having a meltdown was not my fault. That’s all him. This drama is because Hammy flipped his shit.

I wasn’t blaming you. I just think it’s a lot of hoopla from the peanut gallery over something that didn’t look like a big deal to me. I’ll admit I’ve been preoccupied with some rl issues so I may have missed something.

The big deal comes with cumulative repeated behavior.

[SteelCurtain]

I wasn’t blaming you. I just think it’s a lot of hoopla from the peanut gallery over something that didn’t look like a big deal to me. I’ll admit I’ve been preoccupied with some rl issues so I may have missed something.

TBH it's been a slow devolution for a couple of weeks.

He lost it on me and told me to fuck off forever when I tried to suggest that he should try a bit harder to heed the social cues he knows.

[Joods]

I wasn’t blaming you. I just think it’s a lot of hoopla from the peanut gallery over something that didn’t look like a big deal to me. I’ll admit I’ve been preoccupied with some rl issues so I may have missed something.

TBH it's been a slow devolution for a couple of weeks.

He lost it on me and told me to fuck off forever when I tried to suggest that he should try a bit harder to heed the social cues he knows.

And you aren't the only friend he has turned on so quickly. 

It's a pattern. Those who don't, won't or can't see that will once he turns on them. It'll happen. It always does. The second he feels like one of his friends doesn't have his back, they become public enemy #1.

[Catholic_Lady]

TBH it's been a slow devolution for a couple of weeks.

He lost it on me and told me to fuck off forever when I tried to suggest that he should try a bit harder to heed the social cues he knows.

And you aren't the only friend he has turned on so quickly. 

It's a pattern. Those who don't, won't or can't see that will once he turns on them. It'll happen. It always does. The second he feels like one of his friends doesn't have his back, they become public enemy #1.

For what it is worth, it has happened to me. He "turned on me" once 2 years ago because I made a thread asking people's opinions on circumsicion, and I worded the thread in a way that was meant to be a humorous penis related thread. It was before I knew circumcision was such a huge deal among atheists, otherwise I would never have done it.

Anyway, he disagreed with me that circumcision can have health benefits and also was mad that I made the thread to be a humorous penis joke type thread, because to him it was a serious topic. He said I was a bad person and that my morals/personality made me unattractive. This was all done when I had always been nothing but nice to him, and wasn't attacking him at all on the thread (I was the one getting ganged up on).

Anyway, it caused me to leave AF for months, not only because of what he said, but because of the personal things other people who I considered friends at the time were saying to me too (that I was a bad person, that I was a troll, etc).

When I came back, I decided to put it behind me and not hold anything against anyone who had been shitty to me on that thread. At the end of the day, I can't control other people's behavior, only my own. And I choose to give people more chances and to let things go.

I don't think Hammy is a bad guy. I think he is a good guy who has difficulties controlling his emotions when he gets upset, and acting on emotional compulsion. It's a classic sign of autism. I try to be understanding of that and to not dismiss him as a bad person because of it.

[Joods]

I get what you're saying. But the boy who cried wolf knew what he was doing too and you see how that turned out.

There's a saying about giving people more chances than they deserve. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm done giving him chances. That ship has sailed.

[Shell B]

Yeah, he's had chances, guys. This is his own doing. He's having a self-imposed time out. If he decides to learn from this, great. If not, it's none of our faults, so there's no point in going back and forth over whether he deserved even more chances.

[ignoramus]

My main concern for Hammy is that only a few weeks ago he decided (using his own logic and understanding of his social limitations), that he would start to consciously regulate himself better. I'm suspecting that this in itself has compounded his frustration and caused the volcano to finally erupt.
He tried. It didn't work. It's just part of his condition. It's who he is.

[Shell B]

Nope. You can work on yourself no matter what your diagnosis is. I sit my ass down in therapy every single week and try. Then, I try again at home. I try all the fucking time. Developmental disorders and mental disorders do not have asshole as a side effect. There is therapy for that. He says he's experts in all of them and that they don't work. I call bullshit and say this isn't just "who he is." Whatever happened to accountability? Have you ever seen caretakers with severely autistic people? They don't get hit in the face and say it's all good. They tell their patients that they're not supposed to do that. Hams should be told he's not supposed to do that, though I guess a lot of us need that from time to time too.

Why do I keep coming back to this? I'm not going to single-handedly convince people that you can be be mentally ill and still have control over yourself. Y'all are only adding to the stigma.