Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: April 28, 2024, 6:19 am
Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
Fixing the bible

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
Fixing the bible
pocaracas Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: Non-believer
Posts: 19552
Threads: 177
Joined: July 31, 2012
Reputation: 92
#1
Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 5:18 pm
So, while waiting for my super-delayed flight in Heathrow, I got to watching a series I have on my hard-drive: Firefly.

Then this scene comes up and I just crack up. I was laughing hard after River's first sentence! Wink

I can't/don't know how to embed this video here, and it's not on youtube (copyright issues, no doubt), so I'm just linking it and posting the transcript:

http://www.scifixtreme.com/media_center/...roken.html

Quote:Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?

River: Fixing your Bible.

Book: I, um…
[alarmed]
Book: What?

River: Bible’s broken. Contradictions, false logistics – doesn’t make sense.

[she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages and torn out pages]
Book: No, no. You-you-you can’t…

River: So we’ll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God’s creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah’s ark is a problem.

Book: Really?

River: We’ll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.
[rips out page]

Book: River, you don’t fix the Bible.

River: It’s broken. It doesn’t make sense.

Book: It’s not about making sense. It’s about believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It’s about faith. You don’t fix faith, River. It fixes you.

Enjoy!
Find
Reply
Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
****
Religious Views: Apatheist/Antitheist
Posts: 9176
Threads: 76
Joined: November 21, 2013
Reputation: 40
#2
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 5:23 pm
I've never watched Firefly. That was an interesting scene.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

Find
Reply
Minimalist Offline Donators
Go Blow Jesus Out Your Ass
*****
Religious Views: Fuck It
Posts: 69248
Threads: 3759
Joined: August 2, 2009
Reputation: 259
#3
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 5:33 pm
Don't fix it - burn it.
Find
Reply
Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
****
Religious Views: Apatheist/Antitheist
Posts: 9176
Threads: 76
Joined: November 21, 2013
Reputation: 40
#4
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 6:03 pm
We did have one president that attempted to fix the bible by removing the magic parts and just keeping some good parts in. Honestly it's probably too broken to properly fix.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

Find
Reply
pocaracas Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: Non-believer
Posts: 19552
Threads: 177
Joined: July 31, 2012
Reputation: 92
#5
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 6:07 pm
(October 11, 2014 at 6:03 pm)Chad32 Wrote: We did have one president that attempted to fix the bible by removing the magic parts and just keeping some good parts in. Honestly it's probably too broken to properly fix.

Hey... I remember that guy...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jefferson_Bible
Find
Reply
Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
****
Religious Views: Apatheist/Antitheist
Posts: 9176
Threads: 76
Joined: November 21, 2013
Reputation: 40
#6
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 6:19 pm
I can't imagine anyone doing something like that today.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

Find
Reply
pocaracas Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: Non-believer
Posts: 19552
Threads: 177
Joined: July 31, 2012
Reputation: 92
#7
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 6:31 pm
(October 11, 2014 at 6:19 pm)Chad32 Wrote: I can't imagine anyone doing something like that today.

Just imagine it... the ruler of Qatar, rewriting the Qur'an to remove all redundancy and super-natural events...
What's the worse that can happen?
Find
Reply
Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
****
Religious Views: Apatheist/Antitheist
Posts: 9176
Threads: 76
Joined: November 21, 2013
Reputation: 40
#8
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 6:34 pm
To quote Guy from The Croods: I don't want to sound alarmist, but AAAGH! AAAGH!
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

Find
Reply
vorlon13 Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: agnostic 12 stepper
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation: 92
#9
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 6:39 pm
Jefferson was just honest about his editing effort.

Compare and contrast to today's cafeteria Christian's, hunting and picking the Scriptures they will comport to, the ones they think believers and non-believers alike should be subject to by force of law, and the ones they will studiously ignore.
Find
Reply
JesusHChrist Offline
Thunder Thighs
****
Religious Views: Christian Satanist
Posts: 2962
Threads: 44
Joined: March 22, 2013
Reputation: 39
#10
RE: Fixing the bible
October 11, 2014 at 7:04 pm
(October 11, 2014 at 6:03 pm)Chad32 Wrote: We did have one president that attempted to fix the bible by removing the magic parts and just keeping some good parts in. Honestly it's probably too broken to properly fix.

After he was done, there wasn't much left.

I believe they called it a "slim" volume.

lol.
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
Fixing the bible

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Without citing the bible, what marks the bible as the one book with God's message? Whateverist 143 44137 March 31, 2022 at 7:05 am
Last Post: Gwaithmir
  Illinois bible colleges: "We shouldn't have to follow state standards because bible!" Esquilax 34 7450 January 23, 2015 at 12:29 pm
Last Post: Spooky



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)