Platitudes That Help Christians Retain Their Faith

[robvalue]

Nice one, yeah I can't stand these cop outs.

They all pretty much mean, "I've given up using my brain and can't defend my position any further, but somehow I'm right."

It annoys me how in one breath God is beyond our understanding and his plan too complex for us to grasp, and in the next he is transparently all-good.

Assume God has a plan which is the best plan we could have for us, and which we could not hope to understand. Why do people constantly nag him to alter it for short term benefits after admitting they have no clue about what is really good for them? (Prayer.)

[pgrimes15]

1. It is part of god's plan.
2. We will understand when we die
3. Your human understanding can not comprehend god's greatness.
4.God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
5. You need the faith of a little child(So stop asking questions)
6.God won't give you more than you can handle
7. Your problem is not with me but god
8. If you were a real/true Christian....

A series of short pithy comebacks for each of these would be nice.

[vorlon13]

PRAISE JESUS !! when appended to the most awful, ghastly crap you can think of.


Like: Do you remember that nasty Jehovah's Witness bitch at the end of the block? The one always being a problem at the PTA meetings ? Well, her 6 daughter was just diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma !!! She has 2 weeks of excruciating sickness till she DIES !!!!

PRAISE JESUS !!!!!!

[robvalue]

God needs another angel!

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away!

God can do what the fuck he wants cos he'll put lightning up your butt if you argue!

[vorlon13]

The lightning up the butt thing might be fun to watch . . . .

[robvalue]

Yeah, shame God got all mysterious and inactive these days. He used to be all up in dude's faces in the old days, roasting them alive for farting on a Sunday. I guess he got bored of that and decided to go mess up another planet instead.

[Nope]

1. It is part of god's plan.
2. We will understand when we die
3. Your human understanding can not comprehend god's greatness.
4.God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
5. You need the faith of a little child(So stop asking questions)
6.God won't give you more than you can handle
7. Your problem is not with me but god
8. If you were a real/true Christian....

A series of short pithy comebacks for each of these would be nice.

I can't come up with pithy comebacks because most of the answers I have involve discussion and that takes time.

[abaris]

Yeah, shame God got all mysterious and inactive these days. He used to be all up in dude's faces in the old days, roasting them alive for farting on a Sunday. I guess he got bored of that and decided to go mess up another planet instead.

Yeah, he loved Moses so much that he showed off his butt. Very Hands on at the time.

And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.

[dyresand]

1. It is part of god's plan.
2. We will understand when we die
3. Your human understanding can not comprehend god's greatness.
4.God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
5. You need the faith of a little child(So stop asking questions)
6.God won't give you more than you can handle
7. Your problem is not with me but god
8. If you were a real/true Christian....

A series of short pithy comebacks for each of these would be nice.

1. It is part of god's plan.
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"

God Replied,"I didn't recognize you."
2. We will understand when we die
Once upon a time we woke up dead. see the problem with that understanding after your dead. if you do understand were just some game and were pawns to god we would hate god.
3. Your human understanding can not comprehend god's greatness.
a human mind can't understand a magical evil sky god in magical North Korea in the sky. And the magical overlord Magical Kim Jong-Il i'm so shocked.
4.God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
what about all those starving people in Africa they have the worst.
god can't take two seconds to make it rain fucking sandwiches fucking ridiculous.
5. You need the faith of a little child(So stop asking questions)
so go take a child to church with the chances of him getting his mind and body raped by a pastor. yeah no ill teach them something useful like if you want it to bad go work for it.
6.God won't give you more than you can handle
7. Your problem is not with me but god
no there is no god so my problem is clearly with you do not use your god as a shield from my wrath. you either apologize or its my fist your face hadouken.
8. If you were a real/true Christian....
so you wanna rape woman pay 50 shekles for them to their father so its about currently 12.84. man that's cheap wife no isn't it and you can have more than 1 wife yay polygamy. It doesn't just stop right there are your kids not listening take them to the entrance of the town and kill them along with the town elders fair and just punishment.