Hello

[Norman Humann]

Hello all, just joined today.
I was born in a catholic family. Religion always carried a lot of feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety for me and it's hard for me to talk about this, because I'm quite ashamed.
I used to be blindly religious. I used to be obsessed with it. As a kid I counted my steps so they would never stop at six and always seven, because I was told that six was the number of the devil. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was deeply concerned with that.
I used to wake up at 3 AM and start praying compulsively because I was convinced that Satan was in my bedroom and wanted to possess me. I slept with a small cross.
I became an atheist a couple of years ago, because religion just did not work for me. However I think it left a big mark on me psychologically. I began having panic attacks. It's slowly getting better as I'm staying away from the church, but my grandparents were less than thrilled about that. They are extremely religious and very, very afraid of anyone who isn't and different points of view in general. They haven't exactly been very subtle about their disapproval of me.
I feel religion has damaged my self-esteem and made me ashamed of my feelings. I don't think I'll ever be able to have an intimate relationship with someone because of my extreme fear of intimacy caused by religion. Honestly, I feel anxious just typing this.
Sorry it's so long, but I think I really needed to get this off my chest. I'm really looking forward to having people with similar views to talk to.

[Alex K]

Hello and welcome!

I'm sorry to hear that you had such problems. May I ask how old you are now?

From what you write it sounds like you might be afflicted with a slight OCD and/or Anxiety disorder, which was worsened by your religious upbringing (ianap).

[Napoléon]

Welcome aboard.

[robvalue]

Hello Xeno, welcome

I'm very sorry to hear about the trauma religion has left you with. It's very cruel of any of your family to think less of you just for using your brain and being honest. Religion is a horrid thing, and this is one of the biggest reasons why I say that. No child should have to worry about satan being in their bedroom, it's appaling.

I hope that given time, and lots of nice atheist friends, you'll be able to heal somewhat. You will find lots of support on here, so please do continue to share your thoughts.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. You have been fed lies right from the beginning, and it's only natural to believe what your parents tell you. You should be proud of yourself for fighting through to the truth. You are very brave for posting on here

[pocaracas]

Welcome Xeno...
I think you need to meet Xena:

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Enjoy!

[Norman Humann]

Thank you all for such a warm welcome, I really appreciate it

I'm sorry to hear that you had such problems. May I ask how old you are now?

From what you write it sounds like you might be afflicted with a slight OCD and/or Anxiety disorder, which was worsened by your religious upbringing (ianap).

I'm sorry, but I'd really rather not say.

Yes, I consider this a possibility though from what I've read, I don't exhibit the symptoms to meet the criteria of OCD. I think I am just naturally prone to anxiety.

[Dystopia]

[Alex K]

I'm sorry, but I'd really rather not say.

No problem, didn't mean to intrude, I was just curious

I hope you'll feel at home here!

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Hey Xeno - Welcome to the forum

[Norman Humann]

Thanks again for the warm welcome

Is anyone interested in a private conversation? I really could use someone to talk to and public forums really freak me out (I know I'm weird)