Pissed

[Joods]

I've calmed down. Had a long chat with my girl and we both said we love each other, hugged and that were sorry to each other. I told her I was wrong for yelling like I did and that I should not have got upset and blamed her. I'm human and I made the mistake of going bat crap crazy and she understood. I did let her know that I do not appreciate the way she disrespects me by talking back and that she needs to learn to curb her attitude in the future.

Please know that this child has hit every milestone in her life extremely early. She was independently walking by 8 months. Speaking full complete sentences by 14 months. Negotiating for a better answer starting at the age of three (still hasn't stopped this one). Ever since her dad got majority physical custody, she has changed. I don't think she blames me, but she is starting to get more flippant. I don't know why. I have overlooked many things and have let more than I should have just slide. Today it was too much and she had been flippant all day, and yes, I lashed out. Should I have? Resoundingly, NOPE. But I did and I can't go back and change things. All I can do is move forward from this point on.

Thanks for pointing out what I should and shouldn't have done. All the advice and constructive criticism is appreciated. Just don't beat me up too much. I already feel bad enough about it as it is.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully her attitude will start to change.

[JuliaL]

Disclaimer:
The following contains my personal presuppositions. No claim is made of authority or accuracy.

Nature gets us to do things.
Generally she acts on our emotions, motivations and attitudes.
Hungry? Eat.
Thirsty? Drink.
Horny? Fuck.
We're pretty easy to manipulate that way.

Adolescence is nature's way of breaking up the family so you can go your separate ways. Want to get the kids out of the house? Sure, and they want to go.

I got lucky with 2 boys, now men. No violence or more than slight sullen withdrawal. They love their mother. Of course, being the best young men on the planet, they would have to. Not believing any of this, I'm waiting for the police to call so I can say, "Jim would never participate in such activities. He's a good son."

[Minimalist]

Normally, I overlook some of the things she does because she is first and foremost going through puberty.

I had two boys and they were fine until they reached 14. Both of them were lucky to make it to 15. However, once they were approaching 16 they suddenly realized that I knew shit that they needed to know...like how to drive and get cars and such.

I had friends who had daughters. They were the apple of Daddy's eye in all cases....until they got to be around 11. Then the shit started. One described his 3 as "alternately crying or giggling, 24/7, 365 days a year" and it never seemed to stop. The other guy sounded like you. Girls grow up too fast.

So, I sympathize. Swear away. She has it coming.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Tomorrow is a new day.

This will get you through much, Judi.

[Alex K]

Wow, makes me look forward to being a parent!

But Judi I think it's good that you showed another side of yours and said you're sorry.

[Joods]

Normally, I overlook some of the things she does because she is first and foremost going through puberty.

I had two boys and they were fine until they reached 14. Both of them were lucky to make it to 15. However, once they were approaching 16 they suddenly realized that I knew shit that they needed to know...like how to drive and get cars and such.

I had friends who had daughters. They were the apple of Daddy's eye in all cases....until they got to be around 11. Then the shit started. One described his 3 as "alternately crying or giggling, 24/7, 365 days a year" and it never seemed to stop. The other guy sounded like you. Girls grow up too fast.

So, I sympathize. Swear away. She has it coming.

It IS a lot and honestly, even though I have an older daughter who is 19, NONE of this happened with her because she has Down syndrome and she is honestly, out of all four kids (my two girls and my fiancee's two boys), the best behaved of them all. She like NEVER gets in trouble. She's got it figured out: Keep busy and stay out of trouble.

I've been challenged through five surgeries with my oldest. But my youngest...wow. What I'm going through right now with her makes all those surgeries seem like a walk in the park.

The kids are 19, 13, 12, and almost 11. Like - Holy crap. Girl, boy, girl, boy in that order. If these next several years doesn't kill me, I'm going to write a book about it lol.

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Wow, makes me look forward to being a parent!

But Judi I think it's good that you showed another side of yours and said you're sorry.

Thanks Alex. This is one of the parts of my parenting that I have, for the most part, been adamant about. Yep, I slipped up earlier. Shit happens. If I discipline, I do the following:

1. Give a warning of the consequence that will happen if the behavior doesn't stop.
2. Follow through the very next time the unwanted behavior happens.
3. Sit said child down after consequence is over and discuss what caused the behavior.
4. Make it clear that while I don't like to discipline, it was the result of their actions that caused the discipline.
5 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: Say I love you very much and that it hurts me just as much as it hurts them when they have to be disciplined.

I do my best and I really hate when I fuck up and lose my temper. I think my Italian side definitely showed.

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Adolescence is nature's way of breaking up the family so you can go your separate ways. Want to get the kids out of the house? Sure, and they want to go.

I can clearly remember being brought up in a physically abusive home. If I had ever sassed my mom the way my kid does to me, I would have gotten the belt, a switch, a wooden breadboard or whatever else my step dad could get his hands on to beat me with.

As a rule, I don't do this to my kids. I don't believe in corporal punishment. I know what it's like to have to go through that on a near daily basis as a kid. Not something I'm going to put my own kids through. That said, teens are definitely challenging. I don't know how I'm going to survive in four years when she turns 16. UGH.

[GrandizerII]

2. She seems quite upset about something. That is why she is acting that way towards you. What do you suggest be done about this?

Seems. Probably just a teenager being a teenager. I was quite rude around my own mom only a few years ago and for seemingly no reason whatsoever.

Did not read the part about her being a teenager. My bad.

[Norman Humann]

Judging from these descriptions, apparently I'm one weird fucking teenager.

[Alex K]

Me too. I spent most of that time not getting into trouble and teaching myself to code in basic and c...

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@Judi

The one other problem I see is that having these outbreaks over relatively trivial matters kinda exhausts the range of reactions at your disposal should something really serious be going on...

[Nope]

I have four children. Three are pretty easy going kids Not my oldest daughter. She started to do everything early. At fifteen months, she could argue back because she spoke very well. She is smart with a sarcastic sense of humor and a 'queen bee' personality.

Here is an example of my daughter's very strong will. When my husband's mother became ill, we left our 18 year old son in charge of his 15 and 12 year old sisters. My brother would drop by to make certain that they were safe and got to school okay. According to my brother and my other two children, my oldest daughter took over and made certain that not only was the house very clean but that everyone ate healthy. My brother expressed amazement that my other kids followed what my oldest daughter told them to do. She is a great young lady of whom I am extraordinarily proud but the combination of her intelligence, sharp wit and overall strong personality made her younger adolescence very annoying.

What I found worked was allowing any of my kids to disagree or express their anger. As an abused child myself, I was not allowed to express any disagreement with my mom. Kids are allowed to be pissed at their parents. My only rule is that my children are polite in their disagreement. When my daughter's tone was unpleasant, I made her repeat what she said until her tone was less abrasive. This will drive your teen up the wall and sometimes make them laugh. The key is to remain calm. Imagine, your daughter yells she hates you as you calmly drink your coffee while telling her to say the exact same sentence again in a nicer tone. You make her repeat this again and again until her tone is sufficiently polite. Usually, my daughter would end up laughing and we would be able to have a calm discussion about what was bugging her. Sometimes she remained angry but damn it, she learned to express anger in a more calm manner which will help her when she leaves home.

My oldest daughter recently expressed shock over younger girls being disrespectful to their parents and said she would never talk to me like that. LOL

Most people will have a moment with their child that they regret. If your child is pushing you buttons send them to their room until you calm down or walk away. Whenever I have yelled, the situation only got worse and I felt horrible.