Do you care about your significant others sexual past with a poll.

[FatAndFaithless]

And 'other' is about as useless as a flat 'yes' or 'no'.  Because if you made the 'other' category for "lets discuss your views to clarify"....you're already having to discuss with the people that picked 'no' anyway.  

If you want to keep saying that 'sexual history' is not what the people that voted 'no' think it is, then maybe you should include the different facets of 'sexual history' in your poll choices'.

So you think that there are different facets in the term sexual history?

Uh, yes. And so do you, since you've been saying 'sexual history' isn't just the number of partners a person has had.

[paulpablo]

So you think that there are different facets in the term sexual history?

Uh, yes.  And so do you, since you've been saying 'sexual history' isn't just the number of partners a person has had.

Well yeh that's why I voted yes.

[FatAndFaithless]

So perhaps you should make a poll that is more nuanced . Otherwise, your results are right there in your poll.

[paulpablo]

So you think that there are different facets in the term sexual history?

Uh, yes.  And so do you, since you've been saying 'sexual history' isn't just the number of partners a person has had.

Yeh. That's correct.

---

So perhaps you should make a poll that is more nuanced .  Otherwise, your results are right there in your poll.

I've always seen the phrase "Sexual history." As being inherently nuanced, multifaceted, whatever you want to call it.  I didn't see a need to explain that to people before making the poll.

[FatAndFaithless]

Yet clarifying and discussion of that very term is all that's been happening in this thread.

[Exian]

I don't see why jealousy would be assumed, the post by pauloroberts for example was not about his jealousy it was to do with his own standards, morale values whatever you want to call them. He didn't like the idea of his girlfriend previously enjoying anal sex and being on fetlife, he wasn't jealous of her.

Well, he wouldn't be jealous of her, his ego would be jealous of her past partners. And I mentioned caring on personal principle, but when you analyze why those would be your principles, jealousy comes up again, doesn't it? Why else would you care, other than STDs and all of the other scenarios I mentioned, that wouldn't involve jealousy. Not that those aren't good, responsible concerns, but that is a different question.

I also don't understand what you mean when you say it isn't up to someone if they care or not about someone involved in acts of pedophilia.

What I mean to say is it is illegal, whether you care or not. The matter is out of your hands in most of those scenarios.

[paulpablo]

I don't see why jealousy would be assumed, the post by pauloroberts for example was not about his jealousy it was to do with his own standards, morale values whatever you want to call them.  He didn't like the idea of his girlfriend previously enjoying anal sex and being on fetlife, he wasn't jealous of her.

Well, he wouldn't be jealous of her, his ego would be jealous of her past partners. And I mentioned caring on personal principle, but when you analyze why those would be your principles, jealousy comes up again, doesn't it? Why else would you care, other than STDs and all of the other scenarios I mentioned, that wouldn't involve jealousy. Not that those aren't good, responsible concerns, but that is a different question.

I also don't understand what you mean when you say it isn't up to someone if they care or not about someone involved in acts of pedophilia.

What I mean to say is it is illegal, whether you care or not. The matter is out of your hands in most of those scenarios.

You might possibly be correct that the root of feelings of disgust at certain sexual activities or amounts of partners might be due to jealousy but that shouldn't be assumed as a fact.

If someone told me they wouldn't do the things I've done sexually based on principles I wouldn't assume they were just jealous.

Yes being a pedophile is illegal if you care about it or not.  I don't see what that has to do with anything. I'm saying it disgusts me, I care about it, I wouldn't date a woman who had a sexual history of being involved with children in that sort of abusive way.

[Nope]

I don't see why jealousy would be assumed, the post by pauloroberts for example was not about his jealousy it was to do with his own standards, morale values whatever you want to call them.  He didn't like the idea of his girlfriend previously enjoying anal sex and being on fetlife, he wasn't jealous of her.

You mentioned the person who started the other thread. I can only speak for myself but there was more to his original post that bothered me beyond his discomfort with his girlfriend's number of sexual partners. For example,

This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.

It sounded as if her values apparently didn't differ from his until he discovered her number of sexual partners. That would lead me to think that it was her sexual activity alone that made him believe that her values didn't agree with his.

He also mentioned that people with very active sexual pasts would be unable to pair bond. I admit, the word pair bond confused me but I assume he meant that someone with who had been promiscuous couldn't be part of a monogamous relationship. 

If he merely had written that his girlfriend's past made him uncomfortable, I don't think that most people would have a problem. 

I don't think that either jealousy or even a preference for someone who wasn't more experience than him was his problem. PauloRoberts seems to have decided that he can judge another person's values and ability to 'pair bond' based only on their number of partners.

This is turning into an interesting thread Paulpablo 

[paulpablo]

I don't see why jealousy would be assumed, the post by pauloroberts for example was not about his jealousy it was to do with his own standards, morale values whatever you want to call them.  He didn't like the idea of his girlfriend previously enjoying anal sex and being on fetlife, he wasn't jealous of her.

You mentioned the person who started the other thread. I can only speak for myself but there was more to his original post that bothered me beyond his discomfort with his girlfriend's number of sexual partners. For example,

This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.

It sounded as if her values apparently didn't differ from his until he discovered her number of sexual partners. That would lead me to think that it was her sexual activity alone that made him believe that her values didn't agree with his.

He also mentioned that people with very active sexual pasts would be unable to pair bond. I admit, the word pair bond confused me but I assume he meant that someone with who had been promiscuous couldn't be part of a monogamous relationship. 

If he merely had written that his girlfriend's past made him uncomfortable, I don't think that most people would have a problem. 

I don't think that either jealousy or even a preference for someone who wasn't more experience than him was his problem. PauloRoberts seems to have decided that he can judge another person's values and ability to 'pair bond' based only on their number of partners.

This is turning into an interesting thread Paulpablo 

I think it was based on more than numbers.  He mentions 7 things he discovered they were how old she was when she first had sex, her having anal sex, kissing girls, being a member of a fetish website, doing porn and having threesomes and also the number of people she slept with.  So only 1 of those things makes a big issue of the actual number or partners involved.

Yes I disagree with him when he evaluates people's abilities to pair bond, but I'm not even sure I know what pair bonding is so I'm just guessing like you are that it means have a good relationship in a pair.

I think he is being judgmental and I don't agree with the judgement he's making but as I've said I think everyone is judgmental in one way or another about the entirety of another persons sexual past. I don't think he's slut shaming her either.  

[Exian]

Well, he wouldn't be jealous of her, his ego would be jealous of her past partners. And I mentioned caring on personal principle, but when you analyze why those would be your principles, jealousy comes up again, doesn't it? Why else would you care, other than STDs and all of the other scenarios I mentioned, that wouldn't involve jealousy. Not that those aren't good, responsible concerns, but that is a different question.



What I mean to say is it is illegal, whether you care or not. The matter is out of your hands in most of those scenarios.

You might possibly be correct that the root of feelings of disgust at certain sexual activities or amounts of partners might be due to jealousy but that shouldn't be assumed as a fact.

If someone told me they wouldn't do the things I've done sexually based on principles I wouldn't assume they were just jealous.

Yes being a pedophile is illegal if you care about it or not.  I don't see what that has to do with anything. I'm saying it disgusts me, I care about it, I wouldn't date a woman who had a sexual history of being involved with children in that sort of abusive way.

Ok, I see what you're saying. I answered the poll with the assumption that jealousy was at the root, for myself. The poll asks "Do you care about your significant other's sexual history?", under that assumption, I answered no. Had the question been "Do you care if your significant other has committed sexual crimes in the past?", I would have answered "Yes". But why would that be the question? I think that would be a given, and anyone who doesn't care might not want to disclose that. It would get interesting if the question weeded out somebody who wouldn't care, but I think, for the most part, everyone would answer "yes", and it would be a terribly uninteresting conversation. Definitely non-controversial. So, assuming jealousy at the root makes for a more subjective and interesting conversation.