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Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
#21
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
(April 24, 2015 at 5:19 pm)Jörmungandr Wrote:
(April 24, 2015 at 3:22 pm)gomlbrobro Wrote: It seems as though this is a desperate attempt to deny their utter uncertainty of how our universe started.  As they discover more and more, they have a harder time conceptualizing their preexisting theories.  To hold such a theory, which is certainly immeasurable (because it is out of this universe), requires an equal amount of faith as theism because there is no way to build up on it, or even prove.  Are we just supposed to blindly believe this?  If they believe this, among all things, how can we trust any alternate theory they propose?  It’s doubtful this will be the final consensus, though it truly unmasks their uncertainty and their capability to pull their evidence from unobservable data.
(Note that this is not a belief held by a small group of scientists; it is accepted by the finest of physicists today.  Professors from University of Columbia, University of California, Tufts University, and the University of Cambridge are just a few among the many who do–even the well known, Stephen Hawking.)

On the whole, I'd say it's a well written essay, with the exception of the above paragraph, which is atrocious and seems more like cheerleading for your own view than anything substantive.

I have two main criticism.  First and foremost, you try to cover way too much ground for a single essay.  Pick one or two examples and work them.  You're likely to end with as many fallacies, but since this is English and not logic, that's not important.  People in general will only take away three main points from an essay.  You have one main point, but it's buried in about 6 examples.  Way too much for anybody's attention span.  

Second, avoid extraneous adjectives like 'desperate' and 'truly' -- let the facts do your describing for you.  Throwing in adjectives that way raises a person's suspicions; they're too used to people trying to sell them 'new' and 'improved' soap ten times a day as it is.  It just raises red flags in your reader.

Other than that, good job.  Is this college level material?  Seems a bit advanced for high school.

Are you high? In what universe is the second paragraph acceptable? 

Quote:First of all, it must be made clear that the modern scientific community is corrupt.  Donald Scott, who is the author of the Electric Sky: A Challenge to the Myths of Modern Astronomy, explains yet another possibility to the origin of matter.

That's atrocious. I'm willing to ignore that the scientific claims are bonkers, but that is not good writing, the first and second sentence don't follow from each other. How about "Donald Scott, author of "Electric Sky:...", challenges the scientific consensus in astrophysics and cosmology and aims to expose it as the product of a corrupt scientific community. He instead offers his own explanation for the origin of matter: "

Or something
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#22
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
Ok, looking at this purely form an English paper perspective, you need to work more on your grammar. In the very first sentence you have singular and plural words mixed together. What grade is this for, somewhere in High School I'm guessing?

It isn't poorly written. If I was an English Teacher (and I almost was), I'd give it a C+. That has nothing to do with the content, mind you, just based on your numerous basic English errors.
“Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?” 
― Tom StoppardRosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
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#23
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
(April 24, 2015 at 5:21 pm)abaris Wrote: And what's more, what kind of school accepts something like that?

Kent Hovind's alma mater does. They take anything.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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#24
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
(April 24, 2015 at 5:34 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Kent Hovind's alma mater does. They take anything.

I was talking about schools not mail order asylums.
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#25
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
Yeah, it's stretching the concept of "school" past breaking point, really.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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#26
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
He's probably attending a private Christian school, so he'll get an A even though it's not well written, has numerous grammatical, spelling, and structural errors, not to mention the fact it falls flat on it's face as far as logic goes.

If he wrote this for a public school, it had better be in Tennessee or Louisiana, or his teacher s likely to fail him.
“Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?” 
― Tom StoppardRosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
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#27
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
(April 24, 2015 at 5:24 pm)Alex K Wrote:
(April 24, 2015 at 5:19 pm)Jörmungandr Wrote: On the whole, I'd say it's a well written essay, with the exception of the above paragraph, which is atrocious and seems more like cheerleading for your own view than anything substantive.

Are you high? In what universe is the second paragraph acceptable? 


Quote:First of all, it must be made clear that the modern scientific community is corrupt.  Donald Scott, who is the author of the Electric Sky: A Challenge to the Myths of Modern Astronomy, explains yet another possibility to the origin of matter.

That's atrocious. I'm willing to ignore that the scientific claims are bonkers, but that is not good writing, the first and second sentence don't follow from each other. How about ""

That's not the complete second paragraph. I'll admit that the paragraph is not the high point of English writing, but I would argue its primary fault lies in that it is badly argued, not so much that it is bad writing. The second sentence makes sense in context.

(April 24, 2015 at 5:25 pm)Aroura Wrote: Ok, looking at this purely form an English paper perspective, you need to work more on your grammar.  In the very first sentence you have singular and plural words mixed together.  What grade is this for, somewhere in High School I'm guessing?

It isn't poorly written.  If I was an English Teacher (and I almost was), I'd give it a C+.  That has nothing to do with the content, mind you, just based on your numerous basic English errors.

My English must really suck.  I didn't notice that many errors in it.  Probably why I'm not an English teacher.

It's a shame we don't have a whiteboard that we can throw this on and mark it up.
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#28
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
(April 24, 2015 at 5:42 pm)Aroura Wrote: He's probably attending a private Christian school, so he'll get an A even though it's not well written, has numerous grammatical, spelling, and structural errors, not to mention the fact it falls flat on it's face as far as logic goes.

[Image: creation-science-fair1.gif]
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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#29
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
Quote:riddled with conjectures and “intangible…validity.”

What is that supposed to mean? "riddled with intangible validity". Is that English? Sounds like eye of argon to me. There has got to be a better quote that can be extracted from that original sentence.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#30
RE: Debunking of Modern Evolutionary and Cosmological Theories
(April 24, 2015 at 3:22 pm)gomlbrobro Wrote: For science lovers out there, here's my essay over a controversial topic I chose to write for my English class.  Let me know what you think.  I am open to criticism, of course.
(emphasis mine)

I'd be interested in hearing what the original assignment was. Was it to write an essay on a controversial topic, or to write a controversial essay. It seems you did more of the latter than the former.

(April 24, 2015 at 5:53 pm)Alex K Wrote:
Quote:riddled with conjectures and “intangible…validity.”

What is that supposed to mean? "riddled with intangible validity". Sounds like eye of argon to me. There has got to be a better quote  that can be extracted from that sentence.

He's enamored with dramatic adjectives. It's an affectation. Tongue
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