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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 1:15 pm
(This post was last modified: May 5, 2015 at 1:23 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
I cannot negotiate it is either someone else's way or the highway and what am I gonna do about it? What ever can I?
You know what it feels like to be me? Best way to describe it?
Arguing with anyone about anything non-abstract with real life consequences is as futile as arguing with your parents. You never win, if you don't do what they say or do what they tell you not to there are consequences and they own your ass.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 1:23 pm
(This post was last modified: May 5, 2015 at 1:29 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
Honestly, we're all so interdependent on each other that, as an individual, the motion of other individuals can get lost in the grinding of the monolith. At work, for example, we think to ourselves "the boss says my way or the highway" when, in fact...he's relating his own "my way or the highway" message handed down to him. At the end of the day, however, if you've weighed the situation and decided that you prefer the outcomes of being the quiet accessory...then what's the problem? You -did- decide something.....you asserted yourself in that regard, did you not? Your way, is the path of least resistence...and you'd better believe that others feel constrained by -you- and by that behavior.
(do people negotiate outcomes with you on those grounds, btw...when they approach you and want something...do they try to show you that this would be "easiest for all involved"?...because, if so..they've got your number buddy..they're gaming you...and if you'd like to avoid conflict, it's likely that their suggestion or demand is -not- a way to do that..it serves -their- interests....remember that in the moment, and stick to your metrics)
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 1:25 pm
Nope. Have to be this way cos cannot win it seems. Desperately hoping to change.
Never had a job so cannot relate to that. Recovered from 7 years mental health problems since hitting adult.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 1:33 pm
(This post was last modified: May 5, 2015 at 1:41 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
Ever tried "doing the assertive thing"? You know, take a moment, ask yourself what you would do/say if you were an sassertive person, what assertive people have done/said to you...and just doing that? Habits are built, not born, after all.
(you've been fairly assertive in this thread, btw, I'm not sure I can really give you advice on the matter, you seem to have it down)
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 2:32 pm
(May 5, 2015 at 12:36 pm)EvidenceVersusFaith Wrote: Others can do that to me. But I have no hold over anyone.
Having a hold on others will only get you so far. what's important is to have a hold on yourself. It sounds like you are in a situation where you are dependent on others. You did not spoil us with information, so I might be totally wrong. Just trying to work with what you feel comfortable giving.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 6, 2015 at 4:11 am
Well I can't be independent. So yes.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 6, 2015 at 11:09 am
(May 6, 2015 at 4:11 am)EvidenceVersusFaith Wrote: Well I can't be independent. So yes.
You say these people "own your ass." In what way? What is your present situation? Why can't you become independent?
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 6, 2015 at 11:28 am
Assertiveness comes from within. You have to value what you have to say before you can put it out there, and you have to have confidence in yourself before you can assert yourself. Do you have self-esteem issues?
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 6, 2015 at 12:59 pm
Yes definitely.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 6, 2015 at 1:09 pm
Well, then, I'd say working on assertiveness is putting the cart before the horse, because you can't assert yourself if you aren't confident in who you are. Have you worked on building confidence?
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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