Ask a True Christian (TM)

[Minimalist]

What is it with you and clipping off the ends of our dicks?

If you wanted them that way, why didn't you create them that way.

Would've saved everyone a metric fuckton of trouble.

[ignoramus]

You mean Cafe Christians aren't real Christians and are going to hell!
Thank god the coffee was good at least!

[dyresand]

What is it with you and clipping off the ends of our dicks?

If you wanted them that way, why didn't you create them that way.

Would've saved everyone a metric fuckton of trouble.

What's up with that anyways is the priest cutting it off then taking it to a kitchen
and getting it seasoned and deep fried or something like its a delicacy or something. 

[Dystopia]

Why do you consider yourself a true Christian? Are other Christians not real ones?

[robvalue]

Hey YITW Good to see you.

I have a question. Do you subscribe to the idea that the whole of science is a conspiracy, maintained worldwide throughout all areas of study and education, just to make your religion look less credible? It seems like a really bad cost/effect ratio. But we have to keep it up, nonetheless.

Also, since I'm an atheist, I can pick and choose what I like from the bible at will, I don't have to do all of it like you do. I decided to pick the bit about slaves. I've been beating them pretty bad, but they're usually back to work within the day. Am I doing it right?

[Alex K]

U SVCK 100z0R

Oh wait that isn't a question. Give me a minute....

[YahwehIsTheWay]

Holey? It's got holes in it? You don't say

I sometimes also say "Babble" instead of "Bible", by mistake of course. I sometimes also say "Wholly", as in "Wholly Babble". The Devil makes me do it.

Bad Satan! In the name of the Wholly Spook, I cast you out of me in the name of Jebus.

Oh, in case I haven't dropped enough "tells"...

---

pppsssst. I'm a fake Christian. This is satire.

But I do base what I write on what is actually written in The Wholly Babble.

---

[Crossless2.0]

When you are swept up into the sky to meet Jesus, can I have your tools and any weapons you may own? They might come in handy during the Tribulation.

[vorlon13]

Why didn't Jesus list all 10 commandments when He had the opportunity, and why don't His followers therefore just use the ones he listed instead of all 10 ??

[YahwehIsTheWay]

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

boooo if anything  

1. don't call liberals godless also were supposed to be secular not be hey lets favor the majority. Then again you just has the hypocrisy of saying no to abortions when the bible is okay with it. 

2. nothing is stopping the majority form killing everyone a law cannot stop physically again booooooo

3. again booooooooo still evidence of god boooooo

4. Why not do it go down to your local orphanage or you guys pretty much all lazy christians 

again booooooo not true christian not even close to biblical christian you are too moral to be be a biblical christian booo 

Actually, you're right you Hellbound heathen. The Babble does allow for abortion. The dumb ass phony Christians who are "pro life" don't understand our loving Lord doesnt give a shit about rights to life, never mind the rights to life among the little brats who can be stoned to death at the public square at the simple say-so of the father (the father, of course, since the mother is basically the father's property). 

In Exodus chapter 21:22-25, The Wholly Babble makes it clear that if you cause a miscarriage (natural abortion) by hitting a woman, you pay a fine to the father. However, if any further harm is done, you pay and eye-for-an-eye, meaning that if abortion were really "murder", as the namby pamby phony Christians maintain, the punishment would be death and not a fine. 

Other passages in the Babble tell us that children don't have anything close to rights to life, never mind a fetus. The only passage that these "pro life" so-called Christians can refer to is a passage in Jeremiah wrenched out of context that speaks of Yahweh's ability to see into the future "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you". 

---

What is it with you and clipping off the ends of our dicks?

If you wanted them that way, why didn't you create them that way.

Would've saved everyone a metric fuckton of trouble.

There are a lot of ways in which the Lord is an idiot designer but SHHHHHHHHH don't tell him that. He's a sensitive feller. He's known to wipe out entire cities just because people weren't kissing his holy ass hard enough. The Lord is most insecure, as Pastor Deacon Fred said, "don't cotton to folks who don't 'ooooh' and 'ahhhh' all the time about how great he is."

GLORY SWEET JESUS! PRAISE YOUR NAME DESPITE THE MESS YOU MAKE OF EVERYTHING HERE ON EARTH!

Amen.