Ask a True Christian (TM)

[SteelCurtain]

Ooh, is there an secret internet tryst betwixt YITW and DP?

I am shipping them. Yahweh is the DP.

[robvalue]

What? No. I've seen them both together before... Haven't I? Well, sometimes I am distracted when he says "look over there" and then jumps in a phone box. But that's pretty normal behaviour. When I look back, there is the caped apologetic! They seem to keep missing each other like that.

[YahwehIsTheWay]

Why do you consider yourself a true Christian? Are other Christians not real ones?

Catching up as I'm traveling right now. I'm in New York after attending a friend's gay wedding. Surprisingly, the earth didn't swallow us up, which the Bible says is known to happen with blasphemers. In Numbers 16:31-32, the earth swallowed up a couple of families just because they questioned whether there was anything special about Moses. Then Yahweh killed 250 of their supporters in a firestorm in Numbers 16:35.


All this just because someone questioned whether Moses was really a prophet. 

So kids, make sure you never say "I deny Moses was a prophet."

****Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh****

[video=youtube]<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dPOyOM7wxlE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>[/video]

Oh, wait, nothing happened. Well, that's a relief. 

Anyway, the reason that I'm a True Christian ™ and all the other Christians are dumb ass phony Christians who are just as bound for Hell, is because I actually read the book. You know, that book they claim to think is The Word of God but have somehow never gotten around to reading. It's just embarrassing that when you want to know what the Bible says, you have to ask an atheist.

And then there's all the parts that they just flat out shamelessly make up, as if simply making up a belief system somehow makes it any more true. The earlier question on abortion is a classic example. So many dumb ass phony Christians are "Pro Life". They think the Lord loves all those little brats and that "life begins at conception." Yeah, that part of the Bible is found right after the discussion on "Free Will", "One Man and One Woman", public prayer, "Jesus Loves You" and other stuff that are part of their made up religion. 

There is not one verse of the Bible that tells us life begins at conception. And how much stock can we put into the notion that Jesus loves all those unborn fetusi when kids after they're born can be killed just at the whim of their fathers. I'd call stoning little children to death in the public square to be a really really late term abortion, wouldn't you?

The artist Reverend Brendan Powell Smith has done a brilliant job bringing the Bible to life with legos. If you haven't seen his work, you really should. Link to The Brick Testament. Anyway, here's his depiction of Deut 21:21



And then there's the bit of priestcraft where you can have an abortion performed by a priest if your wife has been screwing around on you:

Numbers 5:27 And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people.

And to think we do abortion the hard way these days, by surgery instead of by magic. That just goes to show you how much better faith is to science. 

Glory! 

...and someone had a question about science and conspiracy...

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Hey YITW Good to see you.

I have a question. Do you subscribe to the idea that the whole of science is a conspiracy, maintained worldwide throughout all areas of study and education, just to make your religion look less credible? It seems like a really bad cost/effect ratio. But we have to keep it up, nonetheless.

Also, since I'm an atheist, I can pick and choose what I like from the bible at will, I don't have to do all of it like you do. I decided to pick the bit about slaves. I've been beating them pretty bad, but they're usually back to work within the day. Am I doing it right?

Thank you and good to see you too. 

And of course science is a grand conspiracy. How else can you explain it, other than the Bible is wrong, that is? I just don't understand why more Christians don't have the guts to say so, like Ben Stein. Too bad he's a Jew and so is going to Hell like all the godless scientists, but I digress. 

Think about it. We have the Theory of Evolution, which has been around for 100 years and so accepted as the explanation for the diversity of life that it has become, I think it no exaggeration to say, the basis on which Biology is studied. The entire field of Biology would make no sense except with the acceptance of evolution, much like how germ theory is so central to our study of modern medicine (instead of diseases being caused by demons, which the Bible tells us is really the Truth with a capital T). This prevailing explanation of biodiversity and mechanic by which life changes over time is accepted by academic institutions all over the world, crossing all international boundaries. 

So obviously it must be a grand conspiracy. 

Now sissy Christians try to still accept Evolution and yet still be Christians. They mumble something about "just a metaphor". But if humans developed from simple life forms, when did "the fall" happen? The Bible tells us that death didn't come into the world except by sin. Sin came into the world during The Fall from Grace. Evolution requires death as part of the process. But death didn't come into the world until after the Fall. So how could evolution have created human beings, then? And if there was no "Fall", then there was nothing for Jesus to save us from, and Christian theology collapses.


But you're right that such a grand conspiracy, one which has taken over the entire science profession, maintained that control for over 100 years, surperssed all the contrary evidence, subverted the normally rigorous process of peer review, would have to have powerful forces behind it.

Now who could possibly have those kind of resource with the motive to carry out such a conspiracy?

Could it be...?

Maybe...?

SATAN?





Time for Christians to ante up or fold. Either you must believe that Satan controls nearly every field of science or Christianity is not true. 

Oh, and yes, the Bible says you can beat your slaves as long as they don't die right away from the beating. If you wish to rape your slaves, you must offer them 1 month to mourn their family which you killed off following Yahweh's rules for war. If you don't enjoy raping them, you must let them go. You can't sell them once you've spoiled the merchandise. 

Deut chapter 20

Here endeth the lesson.

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He's the most atheist deist I know, which he himself would agree. I don't know about YITW.

Deists are worse than atheists. Atheists just don't have a belief that Yahweh exists. Deists emasculate him and turn him into a hippy professor that can't be bothered to stop a gay wedding by smiting all the unrepentant heathens with columns of glorious fire and opening the ground to send them all to the pre-Hell Sheol (hard to do when the service was held on the second floor, I suppose. Oh my gay friends outsmarted the Lord, which seems to happen a lot both in and out of the Bible). 

And that devilishly sexy DeistPaladin is the worst of the lot.  

---

What? No. I've seen them both together before... Haven't I? Well, sometimes I am distracted when he says "look over there" and then jumps in a phone box. But that's pretty normal behaviour. When I look back, there is the caped apologetic! They seem to keep missing each other like that.

The events usually go like this:

1. A Christian comes to our forum and posts something stupid. Or a Christian appears on the news and says something stupid.
2. DeistPaladin's head hits the desk.
3. "This looks like a job for a Super Apologist"

And with that, here's a video of John Williams conducting a performance of one of his many awesome movie scores:

---

Ooh, is there an secret internet tryst betwixt YITW and DP?  

I am shipping them. Yahweh is the DP.

Brings literal meaning to "go fuck yourself." Oh but I've said too much.

[DeistPaladin]

By the way, here I am in my other persona to say the part about "I attended my friend's gay wedding" was not a joke. Pennsylvania finally legalized marriage between people with similar body parts and my wife's longtime friends, who had been together for 12 years, were finally able to tie the knot. 

https://www.facebook.com/fablespinner/me...nref=story

They were the bridesmaids at our wedding and were finally able to be brides. Note that when my wife uses the term "sisters", she's speaking metaphorically for close friends. 

[Cyberman]

You have another persona?

[Minimalist]

I'm still not too happy with your dick answer.

[Iroscato]

YITW/DP/Whatever...you're amazing and I love your work. Carry on old chap, don't mind me

[YahwehIsTheWay]

I'm still not too happy with your dick answer.

I actually like the look of cut cocks. 

Um... not that I spend any time thinking about the kind of cocks that I like the look of... or anything like that.

Crap, I need to go pray for forgiveness again. 

[Minimalist]

Who are you going to pray to?

[Cyberman]

Who are you going to pray to?