Western Religions Have No Monopoly on Lunatics

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Masturbating men ‘will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife,’ says Muslim televangelist

http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/masturb...sCatID=393


Boru

[Faith No More]

Link won't work for me.

ETA: You might have an extra "http://" in there.

[Chad32]

Of all the excuses not to masturbate, I think this tops it. I'm not sure where it says that in the koran. Do you have to wait nine months, and have a c-section?

[Thumpalumpacus]

I can attest from personal experience that this is correct. My hands have given birth to 36,483 fingernail clippings since I started fapping.

And yes, they were all c-sections.

[TheRealJoeFish]

So, do they give birth to babies, or little hands, or half-baby half-hand mutants?

You see, I'm asking for a friend...

[Cinjin]

Ah-yes

I've heard of this.  They call them 'knuckle-babies' right?

Whatever.  I've made millions of knuckle-babies and I have a strange feeling if this is true, it's the reason why jesus isn't coming back ...

There's absolutely no room anywhere in all of heaven.  Lets face it, dudes like rubbin out the old meat puppet.

[TheRealJoeFish]

Lets face it, dudes like rubbin out the old meat puppet.

Ah, yes, the old meat puppet.

[CapnAwesome]

I've always considered Islam to be a western religion, considering that it comes from the same base and a similar region as Christianity and Judaism. Also it's gone as far as west as Spain in Europe in medieval times. How about from a real eastern religion:

Sexual misconduct for men and women consists of oral and anal sex.... Even with your wife, using one’s mouth or other hole is sexual misconduct.

As for when sexual intercourse takes place, if it is during the day it is also held to be a form of misconduct

and of course:

Using one’s hand, that is sexual misconduct

Who said those absurdities? None other than everyone's favorite Buddhist, the Dalai Lama

[Spooky]

What if I use a fleshlight, or a watermelon? What if my wife gives me a handy?

Fucking morons.

[Chad32]

Who cares what time of day it is if the blinds are down? Also my wife giving me a blowjob isn't going to increase the risk of STDs any more than penis in vag will. There are seven billion of us on the planet. I don't think we need to worry about increasing population numbers now, so spilling or swallowing cum isn't a big deal anymore.