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Am I over the hill at 26?
#21
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
26 was almost 40 years ago......<sigh>
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#22
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
(June 18, 2015 at 4:40 am)Razzle Wrote: I've never had a romantic relationship before, aged 26. Now I'm worried no one will be interested in me because of my lack of experience both sexually and romantically. I'm also gay so the pool I'm fishing in is smaller than most people's. The one thing in my favour is that I do look much younger than I am, in fact sometimes I'm still asked for ID, but a lot of people judge you by the number, not appearance, I guess because of fear you might wake up one day and look your age. I would also prefer someone younger or who looks younger (19 at the youngest), that's just the way I'm wired, and I'm not sure they'll be interested in me because I'll have less experience than most of them and I still live with my mum, don't drive and haven't got any savings or anything yet because of various unavoidable expenses - in other words I have none of the perks that usually come with dating someone older. 

Until now I'd been on dates now and then but always backed out of taking it any further. My mental health and academic/employment troubles have taken priority and I was only ever mildly curious about what a relationship would be like, I just occasionally thought I "ought" to date because it was something you're supposed to want to do as a human. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because the relationships around me looked a lot more hassle than they were worth and I know would want more space and time alone than most people seem to want. Now my career is settled and happy, and my mental health is pretty good most of the time, but with continued wobbles, medication and therapy that might put some people off. I've suddenly found my sex drive waking up a bit, now that my medication regime is stable and I'm not constantly anxious or depressed, and I'm sad about having wasted what should be the most fun and free years of my life, and impatient to stop wasting them as soon as possible.

I'm on OKCupid but it's very slow going. How long is it normal to be single and looking before you find someone when you're putting yourself out there at all the appropriate bars and dating sites? It's not been VERY long - three or four weeks - but I guess I'm impatient and so far everyone I like and who likes me is only casually meeting people for friendship and maybe more, or is only looking for polyamorous relationships, which I'd consider but I'd prefer to keep it simple for now. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome and keeping track of one, conventional romantic relationship will be novel and daunting enough.

Just wanted to get this out in words and vent really, but if anyone has any advice, experience or words of encouragement to share that would be very appreciated.  Smile

If you're gay then pool you're fishing in might be smaller but the fish are much more likely to bite.  I can say from my experience on a swingers website, I get more messages from gay men asking to do things with me than women.  In fact no women have ever made the first move in messaging me first EVER, yet I've had about 15 messages from men, bare in mind this is even with my profile saying I'm straight and me writing in big bold capital letters on my information, I AM STRAIGHT AND NOT INTERESTED IN MEN.  This isn't just on the internet either I've also found this to be the case in nightclubs in areas where there is a gay scene.
Also 26 is not old, I learned to drive not long ago at 29 and I would recommend it but then you do need money to do that and I did have some savings.


Are you ready for the fire? We are firemen. WE ARE FIREMEN! The heat doesn’t bother us. We live in the heat. We train in the heat. It tells us that we’re ready, we’re at home, we’re where we’re supposed to be. Flames don’t intimidate us. What do we do? We control the flame. We control them. We move the flames where we want to. And then we extinguish them.

Impersonation is treason.





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#23
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
Can you blame them for asking though?   Wink
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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#24
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
Way to filter for illiterate gay people Tongue
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#25
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
*Reboots*
No, you are absolutely not over the hill. You have taken the first steps up that hill, and the peak is still a long way away. At least you've been on a few dates.
Now that your problems have largely improved, it is the perfect time to get yourself out there. You can only grow by pushing yourself, and the more you grow the easier it gets to push.

Now make with all haste and get some willy, man! Go! Be off with you!! Tongue
[Image: rySLj1k.png]

If you have any serious concerns, are being harassed, or just need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me via PM
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#26
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
(June 18, 2015 at 4:40 am)Razzle Wrote: I've never had a romantic relationship before, aged 26. Now I'm worried no one will be interested in me because of my lack of experience both sexually and romantically. I'm also gay so the pool I'm fishing in is smaller than most people's. The one thing in my favour is that I do look much younger than I am, in fact sometimes I'm still asked for ID, but a lot of people judge you by the number, not appearance, I guess because of fear you might wake up one day and look your age. I would also prefer someone younger or who looks younger (19 at the youngest), that's just the way I'm wired, and I'm not sure they'll be interested in me because I'll have less experience than most of them and I still live with my mum, don't drive and haven't got any savings or anything yet because of various unavoidable expenses - in other words I have none of the perks that usually come with dating someone older. 

Until now I'd been on dates now and then but always backed out of taking it any further. My mental health and academic/employment troubles have taken priority and I was only ever mildly curious about what a relationship would be like, I just occasionally thought I "ought" to date because it was something you're supposed to want to do as a human. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because the relationships around me looked a lot more hassle than they were worth and I know would want more space and time alone than most people seem to want. Now my career is settled and happy, and my mental health is pretty good most of the time, but with continued wobbles, medication and therapy that might put some people off. I've suddenly found my sex drive waking up a bit, now that my medication regime is stable and I'm not constantly anxious or depressed, and I'm sad about having wasted what should be the most fun and free years of my life, and impatient to stop wasting them as soon as possible.

I'm on OKCupid but it's very slow going. How long is it normal to be single and looking before you find someone when you're putting yourself out there at all the appropriate bars and dating sites? It's not been VERY long - three or four weeks - but I guess I'm impatient and so far everyone I like and who likes me is only casually meeting people for friendship and maybe more, or is only looking for polyamorous relationships, which I'd consider but I'd prefer to keep it simple for now. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome and keeping track of one, conventional romantic relationship will be novel and daunting enough.

Just wanted to get this out in words and vent really, but if anyone has any advice, experience or words of encouragement to share that would be very appreciated.  Smile



No, you are not over the hill.   Now get up and start climbing, you bum.
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#27
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
Thanks for all the advice.

First of all let me clarify - the title was badly worded, I didn't mean to imply that everyone 26 or over is over the hill! Just that I might be considered to be, because I don't drive, live with family, haven't had a relationship before etc. Also, I've heard that ageism is worse in the gay community, as is body fascism. I've always been slim but I feel like dieting and hitting the gym after any time in trendy London gay bars.

Although my self-esteem is fine and I'm proud of what I've achieved, albeit belatedly, in the face of obstacles, my concern is that other people will assume I've been either lazy or irresponsible, or if they know the real reasons, will be turned off by a history of mental disorders. It's not an option for me to hide all that from someone I'm getting to know, because it's the answer to what I was doing in the years between school and my degree.
 
Re: meeting people face-to-face: I've joined Meetup.com and wow, there are LOTS of social opportunities in the city, so many that their scope gets highly specific, like vegan LGBT people who also happen to like indie rock, haha. Even straight people can't afford to be so choosy in my hometown! (The average person is also significantly less attractive where I'm from - perhaps another reason I wasn't particularly interested until I started working in London. Tongue ) I'm still using OKCupid - it's strangely addictive even if ultimately useless - but I'm also making an effort to attend one of these groups and/or the gay bars up there at least once a week. I feel incredibly lucky to have a travelcard to and throughout London right now. It's Pride today and I'm going up there soon.

I met up with someone through OKC who suggested themselves that we meet, shortly after making this thread, and I thought we clicked really well, but they haven't replied to me since. I wasn't devastated or anything but it is disheartening because beforehand they said they were only looking to make new friends and not necessarily anything more, so I can't just dismiss it as lack of physical attraction, which wouldn't bother me at all. I must have been annoying or boring or offended them or something, or maybe as I feared, my mental health history turned them off even though they work in mental health.  Sad I totally failed to pick up on on whatever it was. That's not promising.

But I am bouncing back!  Cross Fingers For me  Smile
"Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is like when you trust yourself to the water. You don't grab hold of the water when you swim, because if you do you will become stiff and tight in the water, and sink. You have to relax, and the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging, and holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be."

Alan Watts
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#28
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
If I had a choice between being clear minded gay or fully sic* Christian, you know what most here would choose ...
So basically, you're already in the top 10%.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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#29
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
(June 27, 2015 at 7:16 am)Razzle Wrote: ...
I met up with someone through OKC who suggested themselves that we meet, shortly after making this thread, and I thought we clicked really well, but they haven't replied to me since. I wasn't devastated or anything but it is disheartening because beforehand they said they were only looking to make new friends and not necessarily anything more, so I can't just dismiss it as lack of physical attraction, which wouldn't bother me at all. I must have been annoying or boring or offended them or something, or maybe as I feared, my mental health history turned them off even though they work in mental health.  Sad I totally failed to pick up on on whatever it was. That's not promising.

But I am bouncing back!  Cross Fingers For me  Smile

It is impossible to know why someone does not contact you back when you don't really know the person. So you should not worry about that happening, as it will almost certainly happen to you, no matter what you do or are like. You could be the greatest guy in the world, and still there will be some who will do that.

You seem prone to think that it must be something wrong with you that causes this. But it can be that that person has bad taste, and does not want what is good. Or it could be totally neutral, that something came up in their life that now makes it inconvenient or practically impossible to work on a new friendship. Really, the possibilities are endless for specific reasons why, so you should not worry about such things.

It is only if this happens constantly with no exceptions, and has happened more than 20 times that you might want to be concerned. And then it may be that the problem is in your approach, that somehow you are meeting up with losers instead of people you really want.

So, relax, and do not let strangers get you upset or worried. Getting worried and upset can make one act in ways that tend to be unattractive to others. So relax and don't let yourself get easily discouraged. After all, you don't need everyone to want you. All it takes is one person, if you are into monogamy. And even if you are not into monogamy, you still don't need everyone to want you, which would be impossible no matter how great you are.

"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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#30
RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
(June 18, 2015 at 4:48 am)Neimenovic Wrote: In the meantime, don't stress, enjoy life and be yourself. Happiness is attractive.

Absolutely true! Well said!
Find the cure for Fundementia!
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